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Question: In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population i...

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Nowadays a large number of individuals from suburbs are moving to cities in numerous countries. As a result, the number of people who are living in the countryside is dwindling. This change has its own pros and cons; however, I believe the negative impacts of this action outweigh the benefits. This essay explains the drawbacks of the increasing immigrationmigration to cities. To begin with, the first impact of moving to cities effects on developmentsaffects the development of rural places. When people move to cities, and the number of residents in suburbs decreasedecreases, there will be less demand for developments,development and providing more public facilities. As a result, the government will not assign a budget for developmentsdevelopment in these areas, and people who are living over there will experience difficult situations. For instance, when fewer people live in rural areaareas, the new roads will not establish definitelybe established, besides,and the old roads will not be maintained in most cases. In this situation, the communication will become a serious problem for local people. It is widely accepted that this issue has negative impacts on cities. For instance, the rise ofin population in cities increase the increases air pollution, traffic, and noise, especially in big cities. Therefore, individuals in cities ought to struggle with problems such as living in crowded places, driving in rush hours, and spending a lot of time in traffic. In this circumstance, the unsatisfaction ofdissatisfaction with life will increase drastically. It is obviously considerableimportant that the government ought to overcome new obstacles like providing new public facilities for a greater number of societiesresidents in some cities in a short time. Although at the first glance it would be a progress to create new facilities like schools, healthcare services, and hospitals, it would be a challenge for the government to manage the crowded cities, and due to the increase in mismanagingmismanagement, people will live in chaos in some areas. In conclusion, I claim that the increasing ofincrease in the number of people who tend to live in cities has several disadvantages, and people who are those in charge have to set rules to control the number of immigrationsmigrations to cities.
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This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Nowadays a large number of individuals from suburbs are moving to cities in numerous countries. As a result, the number of people who are living in the countryside is dwindling. This change has its own pros and cons; however, I believe the negative impacts of this action outweigh the benefits. This essay explains the drawbacks of the increasing immigration to cities.
Nowadays, a large number of individuals from suburban areas are moving to cities in numerous countries. As a result, the population in the countryside is dwindling. This change has its own pros and cons; however, I believe the negative impacts of this trend outweigh the benefits. This essay will explain the drawbacks of the increasing migration to urban areas.
To begin with, the first impact of moving to cities effects on developments of rural places. When people move to cities, and the number of residents in suburbs decrease, there will be less demand for developments, and providing more public facilities. As a result, government will not assign budget for developments in these areas, and people who are living over there will experience difficult situations. For instance, when fewer people live in rural area, the new roads will not establish definitely, besides, the old roads will not be maintained in most cases. In this situation the communication will become a serious problem for local people.
To begin with, one significant impact of moving to cities is the effect on the development of rural areas. When people migrate to urban centers and the number of residents in suburbs decreases, there is less demand for development and public facilities. Consequently, the government may not allocate sufficient budget for improvements in these areas, leaving those who remain to face difficult situations. For instance, when fewer people live in rural areas, new roads may not be constructed, and existing roads are often neglected. This lack of infrastructure can lead to serious communication problems for local residents.
It is widely accepted that this issue has negative impacts on cities. For instance, the rise of population in cities increase the air pollution, traffic, and noise especially in big cities. Therefore, individuals in cities ought to struggle with problems such as living in crowded places, driving in rush hours, and spending a lot of time in traffic. In this circumstance, the unsatisfaction of life will increase drastically.
It is widely accepted that this issue also has negative repercussions for cities. For example, the rising population in urban areas contributes to increased air pollution, traffic congestion, and noise, particularly in large cities. As a result, city dwellers must contend with challenges such as overcrowding, navigating rush hour traffic, and spending excessive time commuting. Under these circumstances, overall life satisfaction is likely to decrease significantly.
It is obviously considerable that government ought to overcome new obstacles like providing new public facilities for a greater number of societies in some cities in short time. Although at the first glance it would be a progress to create new facilities like schools, healthcare services, and hospitals, it would be a challenge for government to manage the crowded cities, and due to the increase in mismanaging, people will live in chaos in some areas.
It is evident that governments must address new challenges, such as providing adequate public facilities for a growing population in cities within a short timeframe. While it may initially seem beneficial to create new amenities like schools, healthcare services, and hospitals, managing overcrowded urban areas can prove to be a daunting task. The potential for mismanagement may lead to chaos in certain neighborhoods.
In conclusion, I claim that the increasing of the number of people who tend to live in cities has several disadvantages, and people who are in charge have to set rules to control the number of immigrations to cities.
In conclusion, I assert that the increasing number of people migrating to cities presents several disadvantages. Those in positions of authority must implement regulations to control the flow of immigration to urban areas to mitigate these issues.
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Overall Band Score
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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of rural to urban migration, ultimately concluding that the negatives outweigh the positives. This aligns well with the task requirement.
  • Position: Your position is clear throughout the essay, as you consistently argue that the negative impacts of rural depopulation and urban overpopulation are significant.
  • Examples and Explanation: You provide relevant examples, such as the lack of infrastructure development in rural areas and increased pollution in cities, to support your arguments. However, more specific examples or data could strengthen your points further.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the issue.
  • Cohesive Devices: You use cohesive devices effectively to link ideas within and between paragraphs (e.g., "To begin with," "For instance," "In conclusion"). However, some transitions could be smoother. For example, the transition between discussing rural and urban impacts could be more explicit.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied. Words like "dwindling," "unsatisfaction," and "chaos" are used effectively. However, "unsatisfaction" is not a standard English word; "dissatisfaction" would be more appropriate.
  • Word Choice: Some word choices could be improved for clarity and precision. For example, "suburbs" is typically used to describe areas on the outskirts of a city, not rural areas.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: You demonstrate a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences. However, some sentences are awkwardly constructed or contain minor grammatical errors. For example, "the first impact of moving to cities effects on developments of rural places" could be rephrased for clarity.
  • Grammar: There are a few grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("government will not assign budget" should be "the government will not assign a budget") and article usage ("the new roads will not establish definitely" should be "new roads will not be established").

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Provide More Specific Examples: Incorporate specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments.
  2. Improve Transitions: Work on making transitions between ideas smoother to enhance the flow of the essay.
  3. Refine Vocabulary and Grammar: Pay attention to word choice and grammatical accuracy, particularly with articles and subject-verb agreement.
  4. Clarify Sentence Structure: Review and revise sentences for clarity and conciseness to improve readability.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear argument, but there is room for improvement in terms of language precision and coherence.