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Question: It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To...

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It is said that saving money for the future is significantimportant, especially for young people. I completely support this idea because they become independent in their lives,; moreover, they always have support in harddifficult situations. This essay will argue these beliefs about saving wages. Firstly, although it is hard to be providentialprudent early, saving money has many positive effects on everyone’s lives, especially the younger generation. They learn how to manage their wagesfinances in the future; thus, they become more independent and can make decisions by themselves. For example, if they want to buy a car years later, they can purchase it from their saved money and shoulder their responsibilities instead of asking their parents. Furthermore, as can be seen, we can not cannot predict when problems will arise and when we need money, so we should be ready for them. In other words, financial supports makesupport makes people feel more relaxed, and what should be mentioned is that youngsters can be calm in harddifficult situations in the future if they prepare for them by saving money. For instance, sometimes in families, parents get different diseases by getting oldillnesses as they age, and maybe they need to doundergo surgeries. In these cases, offspring can help them. In summary, I completely agree with the idea that it is important to save money for the future, especially for the younger generation because they can learn to manage wagesfinances better and become independent,; also, they will have significant support when an issue happensarises in their lives.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
It is said that saving money for the future is significant, especially for young people. I completely support this idea because they become independent in their lives, moreover, they always have support in hard situations. This essay will argue these beliefs about saving wages.
It is widely acknowledged that saving money for the future is crucial, particularly for young people. I wholeheartedly support this notion, as it fosters independence and provides a safety net during challenging times. This essay will discuss the importance of saving wages and its benefits.
Firstly, although it is hard to be providential early, saving money has many positive effects on everyone’s lives, especially the younger generation. They learn how to manage their wages in the future; thus, they become more independent and can make decisions by themselves. For example, if they want to buy a car years later, they can purchase it from their saved money and shoulder their responsibilities instead of asking their parents.
Firstly, while it may be difficult for young individuals to adopt a frugal mindset early on, the positive effects of saving money are significant, especially for the younger generation. By learning to manage their finances, they become more self-sufficient and capable of making informed decisions. For instance, if they aspire to purchase a car in the future, they can do so using their savings, thereby taking on their responsibilities rather than relying on their parents.
Furthermore, as can be seen, we can not predict when problems will arise and when we need money so we should be ready for them. In other words, financial supports make people feel more relaxed and what should be mentioned is that youngsters can be calm in hard situations in the future if they prepare for them by saving money. For instance, sometimes in families, parents get different diseases by getting old and maybe they need to do surgeries. In these cases, offspring can help them.
Moreover, it is important to recognize that we cannot predict when financial challenges will arise. Therefore, being prepared is essential. Financial security allows individuals to feel more at ease, and it is particularly beneficial for young people, as it equips them to handle unforeseen circumstances. For example, as parents age, they may face health issues that require medical attention. In such situations, having savings enables their children to provide support when needed.
In summary, I completely agree with the idea that it is important to save money for the future, especially for the younger generation because they can learn to manage wages better and become independent, also they will have significant support when an issue happens in their lives.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that saving money for the future is vital, especially for the younger generation. It not only teaches them to manage their finances effectively and fosters independence but also ensures they have the necessary support during difficult times.
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Overall Band Score
7
Overview
Vocabulary Range
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Linking Words
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Spelling
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Grammar Accuracy
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Grammar Range
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Cohesion
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Paragraph Structure
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Task Response
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Word Count
insufficient
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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of saving money for the future, particularly for young people. However, the response could be more comprehensive by exploring potential counterarguments or acknowledging different perspectives on the topic.
  • Ideas and Examples: The essay provides relevant examples, such as buying a car and supporting family members during health issues, to support the main points. However, the essay could benefit from more detailed examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. However, the introduction could be more engaging, and the conclusion could summarize the main points more effectively.
  • Cohesive Devices: The use of cohesive devices (e.g., "Firstly," "Furthermore," "In summary") helps to guide the reader through the argument. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance the overall flow of the essay.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, such as "providential," "independent," and "financial supports." However, there are some awkward phrases, such as "saving wages," which could be rephrased for clarity (e.g., "saving money").
  • Word Choice: Some word choices could be improved for precision and clarity. For example, "offspring" is a formal term that might be better replaced with "children" or "young people" in this context.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds complexity to the writing. However, some sentences are awkwardly constructed and could be revised for clarity (e.g., "although it is hard to be providential early").
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are minor grammatical errors, such as missing articles ("the younger generation") and incorrect verb forms ("can not" should be "cannot"). Attention to these details would improve the overall accuracy of the essay.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Expand the Argument: Consider addressing potential counterarguments or different perspectives to provide a more balanced view.
  2. Enhance Examples: Provide more detailed examples or statistics to support the main points more effectively.
  3. Improve Transitions: Work on smoother transitions between ideas to improve the coherence and flow of the essay.
  4. Refine Language: Pay attention to word choice and sentence structure to enhance clarity and precision.
  5. Proofread for Errors: Carefully proofread the essay to correct minor grammatical and punctuation errors.

By addressing these areas, the essay can be strengthened to better meet the IELTS writing criteria.