Question: The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agre...

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It is said that the working week should decrease and the workers' weekends should increase. I agree with this statement and what I believe is that if workers have enough time to rest, the quality of jobswork they do will grow. Moreover, they will spend more money in their leisure time, which is beneficial for the economy. Firstly, workers who have enough time to rest mostlygenerally have better mental health than people who have long working weekweeks because they have the chance to reduce their stress and relax their bodies for doing their jobjobs in the week again. In other words, they will be more energetic in their careercareers because they had a perfect weekend with their families and friends and they can followpursue their hobbies; thus, this brings satisfaction in their lives and helps them to focus more on their jobs. For example, these days in some of the big companies, employers understand that if they takepush hard on their workers to work for long periods, the quality will fall significantly. Workers usually make more mistakes because they are tired and cannot doperform tasks in the best way. Furthermore, if the weekend expands, workers will have more time for different activities and they will spend more money in their free time. This means, there will be economic growth in amusemententertainment because people who work hard are more likely to save their money and domake investments. For instance, my father worked 24/7 in his life and we were always busy at the weekends. He did not have a chance to spend his money on hobbies he liked weekly, so he used to save it by buying gold for when he hashad the time to go on a vacation or for other leisure activities. In summary, I agree that weekends should be longer and working weeks should be shorter because it is necessary for workers’ mental health and helps them to relax to do their jobs better,; also, this leads to economic growth in amusemententertainment.
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Overall Band Score
7
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Task Achievement

  • Strengths: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating an agreement with the idea of a shorter working week and longer weekends. The main points are well-developed, focusing on the benefits to workers' mental health and economic growth.
  • Areas for Improvement: While the essay provides relevant examples, it could benefit from a more balanced discussion. Consider acknowledging potential counterarguments, such as the impact on productivity or business operations, to provide a more comprehensive analysis.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Strengths: The essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Transition words and phrases like "Firstly," "Furthermore," and "In summary" help guide the reader through the argument.
  • Areas for Improvement: The essay could improve cohesion by ensuring that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. For instance, linking the economic benefits more directly to the mental health benefits could create a more cohesive argument.

Lexical Resource

  • Strengths: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, such as "mental health," "economic growth," and "leisure activities." The language is generally clear and appropriate for the topic.
  • Areas for Improvement: To enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating more varied and precise vocabulary. For example, instead of "big companies," you might use "large corporations" or "major enterprises."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Strengths: The essay generally uses correct grammar and sentence structures. The use of complex sentences is evident, which adds depth to the writing.
  • Areas for Improvement: Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, "employers understand that if they take hard on their workers" could be rephrased for clarity, such as "employers understand that overworking their employees can lead to decreased quality."

Overall Suggestions

  • Consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen the essay's persuasiveness.
  • Work on enhancing cohesion by ensuring smooth transitions between ideas.
  • Expand your lexical range by using more varied vocabulary.
  • Review the essay for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to improve clarity and readability.

By addressing these areas, the essay can become more balanced, cohesive, and linguistically rich, aligning well with the IELTS writing criteria.