Question: It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To...

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It is a common belief that saving money would be beneficial for every individual, including younger generations. People who side with this idea, often fear rainy days, such as sudden illnesses or natural incidents, that their the occurrence of which is impossible to predict. In this essay, I will discuss my disagreement towardswith laying money aside and argue why I believe that this type of financial behaviorbehaviour is an impractical piece of advice, considering inflation in today’s global economy. Back in the day, Generation Z werewas encouraged to put their spare change in piggy banks. Nowadays, people from this generation who have just started their professional journey disapprove of saving for their future. They use their income on short trips, buying fancy items and et cetraetcetera; which is due to witnessing money losing its value over time. In fact, younger generations realizedhave realised that no matter how much money they save throughout a year, as time passes, the amount of laidsaved money is not as valuable as it was last year. Consequently, Generation zZ has decided to use their cash for shotshort-term purposes. In addition, a practical solution would be creating an investinginvestment portfolio, as advised by many economists. If circumstances are right and the investment does not fail, it is likely that investors not only overcome inflation, but also takemake a noticeable profit. Moreover, uponin unfortunate events, individuals can stop investment and take their money back. In conclusion, laying money aside has been provedproven to disappoint younger generations because of the value of the money, which decreases, yearly. Although many still insist on saving for the future, there are better alternatives to overcome financial problems, which are far more profitable than saving it. FurthuremoreFurthermore, I firmly believe investmetinvestment must be taken more seriously rather than saving.
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Overall Band Score
6.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
strong
Linking Words
average
Spelling
average
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
strong
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
strong
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of saving money and presents a clear stance of disagreement. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion by acknowledging some potential benefits of saving money, even if the overall stance is against it.
  • Ideas and Examples: The essay provides relevant examples, such as the behavior of Generation Z and the impact of inflation, to support the argument. However, it could be strengthened by providing more specific examples or data to illustrate the points more vividly.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is generally well-organized with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, but the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing saving money to investing could be more clearly linked.
  • Cohesive Devices: The use of cohesive devices is present but could be improved. Phrases like "in addition" and "moreover" are used, but more varied linking words and phrases could enhance the flow of the essay.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The vocabulary used is appropriate and relevant to the topic. However, there are some minor errors, such as "et cetra" which should be "etcetera" or "etc." Additionally, the phrase "shot-term purposes" should be "short-term purposes."
  • Range and Accuracy: While the vocabulary range is adequate, there is room for more sophisticated language to demonstrate a higher level of lexical resource.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences. However, there are some grammatical errors, such as "Generation z" which should be "Generation Z" and "investmet" which should be "investment."
  • Punctuation and Spelling: There are a few spelling errors, such as "Furthuremore" which should be "Furthermore." Attention to detail in spelling and punctuation would improve the overall quality of the essay.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Balanced Argument: Consider acknowledging some benefits of saving money to provide a more balanced argument, even if the overall stance is against it.
  2. Cohesion: Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
  3. Lexical Range: Incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary and ensure correct spelling and usage of terms.
  4. Grammar and Spelling: Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and spelling to enhance clarity and professionalism.

Overall, the essay presents a clear argument with relevant examples but could benefit from a more balanced discussion and attention to language accuracy.