Question: In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard ...
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Nowadays, parents tell their children that hard work is the only requiryed factor for achieving goals in life. However, there are certain pros and cons associated wit this.
The first merit would be the self-esteem fortification in children and encouragement they receive. Encouraging children makes them believe in their abilities, so they can rely on themselves with more confidence confronting with difficulties. Take a ten-year-old child for instance, who has been disappointed since he kept achieving low grades for his math class. His parents talk him into hard work, and it makes him more motivated and perseverance in this path. Thus, he is likely to develop and get better each day thanks to the motivation he got.
As for the demerits, they will experience a great amount of anxiety in order to reach their purpose. Children start comparing themselves with their peers wich increases the level of stress. Moreover, if they do not succeed in this way, they consider that their effort was not enough, and their are not good enough to reach that certain aim. A 16-year-old teenager participates in a swimming competition; he realized that winning requires a large deal of hard work and exercise, so he gives his blood, sweats and tears for that. Despite all of that, he loses the game, and he feels worse since he had been continuesly told that he will succeed if he tries hard.
Additionally, this condition can lead to perfectionism among them by elevating their expectations. They keep attempting, and will get new achievements every day. However, this would not be enough for them, and they cannot get enough of that and will not be satisfied. Hence, they will not stop and continue their hard work.
To sum up, similar to every situation in life, encouraging children uninterruptedly to try hard has pluspoints such as rose self-esteem; and has drawbacks including a high amount of stress that is caused for them.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Nowadays, parents tell their children that hard work is the only requiryed factor for achieving goals in life. However, there are certain pros and cons associated wit this.
The first merit would be the self-esteem fortification in children and encouragement they receive. Encouraging children makes them believe in their abilities, so they can rely on themselves with more confidence confronting with difficulties. Take a ten-year-old child for instance, who has been disappointed since he kept achieving low grades for his math class. His parents talk him into hard work, and it makes him more motivated and perseverance in this path. Thus, he is likely to develop and get better each day thanks to the motivation he got.
As for the demerits, they will experience a great amount of anxiety in order to reach their purpose. Children start comparing themselves with their peers wich increases the level of stress. Moreover, if they do not succeed in this way, they consider that their effort was not enough, and their are not good enough to reach that certain aim. A 16-year-old teenager participates in a swimming competition; he realized that winning requires a large deal of hard work and exercise, so he gives his blood, sweats and tears for that. Despite all of that, he loses the game, and he feels worse since he had been continuesly told that he will succeed if he tries hard.
Additionally, this condition can lead to perfectionism among them by elevating their expectations. They keep attempting, and will get new achievements every day. However, this would not be enough for them, and they cannot get enough of that and will not be satisfied. Hence, they will not stop and continue their hard work.
To sum up, similar to every situation in life, encouraging children uninterruptedly to try hard has pluspoints such as rose self-esteem; and has drawbacks including a high amount of stress that is caused for them.