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Question: Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which cause many h...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
It is widely accepted that a high quantity of food and drink havehas a high levelslevel of sugar, thatwhich causes a lot of illnesses and health issues. A group of people claimclaims that sugary products should be sale bysold at a higher price, and as a result, people will eat less sugar and sweet products. I disagree with this opinion, and I will explain my reasons. On the one hand, I think companies ought to produce sweetiesweet snacks and drink bydrinks with less amount of sugar. Besides, Companiescompanies can add natural sugar to products like stevia sugar, which is sweet as muchsweet as normal sugar, and it is not unhealthy. Not only is sugar is not harmful forto our bodybodies, but also it is also an essential nutrient for our brainbrains and helps us think better. People, especially children and athletes, have to eat sweetie drinksweet drinks and food, and it is not fair to increase the price of those products. In addition, from my perspective, expensive sweet product isproducts are not a good way to convince people to eat less sugar. In my opinion, this action will turnmake people more greedy, and they will have morea greater desire to eat more sugar. inIn addition, they will storehoard sugar and sweet products. As a result, there will be a chaos in the market. Due to the sedentary lifestyle, it is crucial for individuals to be more active and eat healthy food. I believe that this concept should be taught to the members of society. In conclusion, increasing the price of that kind of these products will not be a permanent solution. I believe it will not create any drastic changes. Although, this action will reduce the usageconsumption of sugar in athe short whileterm, after a time, people will eat more sugar and sweet drink comparedrinks compared to the past. Individuals should be aware of the disadvantages of sugar, and try to eat more healthyhealthily and have a better lifestyle.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
It is widely accepted that a high quantity of food and drink have a high levels of sugar, that causes a lot of illnesses and health issues. A group of people claim that sugary products should be sale by higher price, and as a result people will eat less sugar and sweet products. I disagree with this opinion, and I will explain my reasons.
It is widely accepted that a large quantity of food and drink contains high levels of sugar, which can lead to numerous illnesses and health issues. A group of people argues that sugary products should be sold at a higher price, believing that this would result in reduced consumption of sugar and sweet products. I disagree with this viewpoint, and I will explain my reasons.
On the one hand, I think companies ought to produce sweetie snacks and drink by less amount of sugar. Besides, Companies can add natural sugar to products like stevia sugar, which is sweet as much as normal sugar, and it is not unhealthy. Not only sugar is not harmful for our body, but also it is an essential nutrient for our brain and helps us think better. People, especially children and athletes have to eat sweetie drink and food, and it is not fair to increase the price of those products.
On the one hand, I believe that companies should produce sweet snacks and drinks with lower amounts of sugar. Additionally, companies can incorporate natural sweeteners, such as stevia, which is as sweet as regular sugar but is not unhealthy. While sugar is often viewed negatively, it is important to note that it is an essential nutrient for our brain and can enhance cognitive function. People, especially children and athletes, need to consume sweet drinks and foods, and it is unfair to increase the prices of these products.
In addition, from my perspective, expensive sweet product is not a good way to convince people to eat less sugar. In my opinion, this action will turn people more greedy, and they will have more desire to eat more sugar. in addition, they will store sugar and sweet products. As a result, there will be a chaos in the market. Due to the sedentary lifestyle, it is crucial for individuals to be more active and eat healthy food. I believe that concept should be taught to the members of society.
Furthermore, from my perspective, raising the price of sugary products is not an effective strategy to encourage people to reduce their sugar intake. In fact, this approach may lead to increased greed, causing individuals to desire sugary products even more. Additionally, people may stockpile these items, resulting in chaos in the market. Given the prevalence of sedentary lifestyles, it is crucial for individuals to become more active and adopt healthier eating habits. I believe that this concept should be emphasized in society.
In conclusion, increasing the price of that kind of products will not be a permanent solution. I believe it will not create any drastic changes. Although, this action will reduce the usage of sugar in a short while, after a time people will eat more sugar and sweet drink compare to the past. Individuals should be aware of the disadvantages of sugar, and try to eat more healthy and have a better lifestyle.
In conclusion, increasing the prices of sugary products will not provide a long-term solution. While this measure may temporarily reduce sugar consumption, over time, people are likely to consume even more sugar and sweet drinks than before. It is essential for individuals to be aware of the disadvantages of excessive sugar intake and strive to lead healthier lifestyles.
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Overall Band Score
5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
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Linking Words
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Spelling
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Grammar Accuracy
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Grammar Range
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Cohesion
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Paragraph Structure
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Task Response
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Word Count
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While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Task Achievement

The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear stance on the issue of increasing the price of sugary products. The writer disagrees with the idea and provides reasons to support this position. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion by acknowledging potential counterarguments. For instance, discussing the potential benefits of making sugary products more expensive could strengthen the argument by showing an understanding of both sides.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing the role of companies in reducing sugar content to the ineffectiveness of price increases is somewhat abrupt. Using linking words or phrases to connect ideas more clearly would improve the flow of the essay. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a clearer topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through the argument.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used in the essay is appropriate for the topic, but there is room for improvement in terms of variety and precision. Phrases like "sweetie snacks" and "sweetie drink" could be replaced with more formal terms such as "sugary snacks" and "sugary beverages." Additionally, the essay could benefit from more varied vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and avoid repetition.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors that affect clarity. For example, "a high quantity of food and drink have a high levels of sugar" should be corrected to "many food and drink products contain high levels of sugar." Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement and article usage, such as "sugar is not harmful for our body" which should be "sugar is not harmful to our bodies." Paying attention to these details would enhance the overall grammatical accuracy of the essay.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Task Achievement: Consider acknowledging potential benefits of increasing prices on sugary products to provide a more balanced argument.
  2. Coherence and Cohesion: Use linking words and clearer topic sentences to improve the flow and organization of ideas.
  3. Lexical Resource: Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and use more formal language where appropriate.
  4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure to improve clarity and accuracy.

Overall, the essay presents a clear argument but could be strengthened by addressing counterarguments, improving coherence, and enhancing grammatical accuracy.