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Question: Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. O...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
There is a common belief whichthat says advertising is capable of conceivingconvincing people to buy goods; some individuals, on the contrary, believe that excessive promotion bombingspromotional bombardments have made people numb and it is not effective anymore. I believe advertising is not effective due to the improvement of people's awareness and the overloading of too many professionals in this occupation. Firstly, nowadays information has become more convenientaccessible for people and as a result they are more aware of promotionpromotional frauds and the actual quality of the products. We can search for anything on the internet and check the facts and read the reviews about it so we can choose wisely; not according tobased on advertising. For example, since the Amazon website has activated reviews and comments sectionsections, so many products have lost their popularity due to customers' complainscomplaints. Secondly, in the last few decades advertising has become an essential part of every mediamedium; this caused ofhas resulted in producing too many colorfulcolourful and absorbing promotions that found their way to our screens. As a result, we have become numb and confused about which oneones to believe, so we have chosechosen to deny them. For example, in Japan, the government regulatedintroduced new rules to restrict the advertising billboards and posters on the streets. Although it concerned the producers at first, after a while they noticed that no noteworthysignificant changes happened in their sales. In conclusion, I think promotions are not as effective likeas before because people have learned about advertising tricks and they would not buy into that anymoranymore; additionally, the advertising market is filled with too many professionals and several birilliantbrilliant ideas that have made us blind and careless aboutindifferent to them.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
There is a common belief which says advertising is capable of conceiving people to buy goods; some individuals on the contrary, believe that excessive promotion bombings have made people numb and it is not effective anymore. I believe advertising is not effective due to improvement of people's awareness and overloading of too many professionals in this occupation. Firstly, nowadays information has become more convenient for people and as a result they are more aware of promotion frauds and the actual quality of the products. We can search for anything on the internet and check the facts and read the reviews about it so we can choose wisely; not according to advertising. For example, since Amazon website has activated reviews and comments section so many products have lost their popularity due to customers' complains. Secondly, in the last decades advertising has become an essential part of every media; this caused of producing too many colorful and absorbing promotions that found their way to our screens. As a result we have become numb and confused about which one to believe so we have chose to deny them. For example in Japan government regulated new rules to restrict the advertising billboards and posters on the streets. Although it concerned the producers at first, after a while they noticed that no noteworthy changes happened in their sales. In conclusion, I think promotions are not effective like before because people have learned about advertising tricks and they would not buy that anymor; additionally, the advertising market is filled with too many professionals and several birilliant ideas that made us blind and careless about them.
Here is the corrected version: There is a common belief that advertising can persuade people to buy goods; however, some individuals believe that excessive promotional bombardment has made people indifferent, rendering it ineffective. I believe advertising has become less effective due to increased consumer awareness and oversaturation in the advertising industry. Firstly, information has become more accessible, making people more aware of misleading advertisements and actual product quality. We can search for anything online, verify facts, and read reviews to make informed decisions rather than relying on advertisements. For example, since Amazon introduced its review system, many products have lost popularity due to customer complaints. Secondly, in recent decades, advertising has become ubiquitous across all media platforms. This has led to an overwhelming number of flashy and attention-grabbing promotions flooding our screens. Consequently, people have become desensitized and skeptical, often choosing to ignore advertisements altogether. For instance, when the Japanese government implemented regulations to restrict street billboards and posters, producers initially worried. However, they later observed no significant impact on sales. In conclusion, I believe advertising is no longer as effective as it once was because people have become wise to marketing tactics and are less likely to be influenced. Additionally, the advertising market is oversaturated with professionals and countless creative ideas, making consumers indifferent to promotional content.
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Overall Band Score
5.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on the Essay

Task Achievement

The essay addresses both views and presents a clear opinion, fulfilling the task requirements. However, the argument could be more balanced. The first view (advertising being persuasive) is not explored in depth—only the opposing view (advertising being ineffective) is discussed. Adding a stronger counterargument would improve task achievement.

Some points lack development. For example, the claim that "people have learned about advertising tricks" needs more evidence or explanation. The Amazon example is relevant but could be expanded to show how advertising fails to influence buyers.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay has a logical structure, with clear paragraphs for each main idea. However, some transitions between ideas are abrupt. For instance, the shift from discussing awareness to advertising overload could be smoother.

Some sentences are awkwardly phrased, affecting clarity:

  • "There is a common belief which says advertising is capable of conceiving people to buy goods" → "Some believe advertising effectively convinces people to buy products."
  • "excessive promotion bombings" → "excessive advertising exposure"

Repetition weakens cohesion (e.g., "advertising" is overused; synonyms like "marketing" or "promotions" could help).

Lexical Resource

Word choice is sometimes unnatural or incorrect:

  • "conceiving people to buy" → "persuading people to buy"
  • "promotion frauds" → "misleading advertisements"
  • "birilliant ideas" (spelling error) → "brilliant ideas"

Collocations are occasionally misused:

  • "advertising market is filled with too many professionals" → "advertising industry is oversaturated with professionals"

A wider range of vocabulary (e.g., "consumer skepticism," "market saturation") would strengthen lexical resource.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

Several grammatical errors affect clarity:

  • "this caused of producing too many" → "this has led to an overproduction of"
  • "we have chose to deny them" → "we have chosen to ignore them"
  • "promotions are not effective like before" → "advertising is no longer as effective as before"

Sentence structures are sometimes repetitive (e.g., frequent use of "we have"). More complex structures (e.g., conditionals, passive voice) would improve variety.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Balance the discussion – Acknowledge advertising’s persuasive power before refuting it.
  2. Clarify examples – Expand on how Amazon reviews reduce ad influence.
  3. Improve transitions – Use linking words (e.g., "However," "Consequently") for smoother flow.
  4. Proofread for errors – Correct grammar, spelling, and awkward phrasing.
  5. Vary vocabulary – Replace repetitive terms and use more precise language.

Overall, the essay presents a clear stance but would benefit from deeper analysis, better-supported examples, and improved language accuracy.