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Question: Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. O...

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There is a common belief whichthat says advertising is capable of conceivingconvincing people to buy goods; some individuals, on the contrary, believe that excessive promotion bombingspromotional bombardments have made people numb and it is not effective anymore. I believe advertising is not effective due to the improvement of people's awareness and the overloading of too many professionals in this occupation. Firstly, nowadays information has become more convenientaccessible for people and as a result they are more aware of promotionpromotional frauds and the actual quality of the products. We can search for anything on the internet and check the facts and read the reviews about it so we can choose wisely; not according tobased on advertising. For example, since the Amazon website has activated reviews and comments sectionsections, so many products have lost their popularity due to customers' complainscomplaints. Secondly, in the last few decades advertising has become an essential part of every mediamedium; this caused ofhas resulted in producing too many colorfulcolourful and absorbing promotions that found their way to our screens. As a result, we have become numb and confused about which oneones to believe, so we have chosechosen to deny them. For example, in Japan, the government regulatedintroduced new rules to restrict the advertising billboards and posters on the streets. Although it concerned the producers at first, after a while they noticed that no noteworthysignificant changes happened in their sales. In conclusion, I think promotions are not as effective likeas before because people have learned about advertising tricks and they would not buy into that anymoranymore; additionally, the advertising market is filled with too many professionals and several birilliantbrilliant ideas that have made us blind and careless aboutindifferent to them.
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Overall Band Score
5.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on the Essay

Task Achievement

The essay addresses both views and presents a clear opinion, fulfilling the task requirements. However, the argument could be more balanced. The first view (advertising being persuasive) is not explored in depth—only the opposing view (advertising being ineffective) is discussed. Adding a stronger counterargument would improve task achievement.

Some points lack development. For example, the claim that "people have learned about advertising tricks" needs more evidence or explanation. The Amazon example is relevant but could be expanded to show how advertising fails to influence buyers.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay has a logical structure, with clear paragraphs for each main idea. However, some transitions between ideas are abrupt. For instance, the shift from discussing awareness to advertising overload could be smoother.

Some sentences are awkwardly phrased, affecting clarity:

  • "There is a common belief which says advertising is capable of conceiving people to buy goods" → "Some believe advertising effectively convinces people to buy products."
  • "excessive promotion bombings" → "excessive advertising exposure"

Repetition weakens cohesion (e.g., "advertising" is overused; synonyms like "marketing" or "promotions" could help).

Lexical Resource

Word choice is sometimes unnatural or incorrect:

  • "conceiving people to buy" → "persuading people to buy"
  • "promotion frauds" → "misleading advertisements"
  • "birilliant ideas" (spelling error) → "brilliant ideas"

Collocations are occasionally misused:

  • "advertising market is filled with too many professionals" → "advertising industry is oversaturated with professionals"

A wider range of vocabulary (e.g., "consumer skepticism," "market saturation") would strengthen lexical resource.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

Several grammatical errors affect clarity:

  • "this caused of producing too many" → "this has led to an overproduction of"
  • "we have chose to deny them" → "we have chosen to ignore them"
  • "promotions are not effective like before" → "advertising is no longer as effective as before"

Sentence structures are sometimes repetitive (e.g., frequent use of "we have"). More complex structures (e.g., conditionals, passive voice) would improve variety.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Balance the discussion – Acknowledge advertising’s persuasive power before refuting it.
  2. Clarify examples – Expand on how Amazon reviews reduce ad influence.
  3. Improve transitions – Use linking words (e.g., "However," "Consequently") for smoother flow.
  4. Proofread for errors – Correct grammar, spelling, and awkward phrasing.
  5. Vary vocabulary – Replace repetitive terms and use more precise language.

Overall, the essay presents a clear stance but would benefit from deeper analysis, better-supported examples, and improved language accuracy.