Question: In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in...
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In the modenmodern world, businesses in their advertising are trying to illustrate that their products are new in some way. I believe that this happens for a range of reasons, but achieving to a high salesales can be a significant reason for this. This actually has its own positive and negative consequences tahtthat I would argue below.
One of the best wasysways to achieve a high salesales for companies and manufacturermanufacturers is advertisements. In terms of psychology, showing a product is new and modern is very important to the owners of products, for a vast majority of people prefer to purchase staffsitems that are new and modern and this trend can be so appealing and fascinating to them; therefore, many companies by cooperating towith designers, create advertisements that are new and attractive to consumers. When a camera, for example, be interducedis introduced by a company like Canon, many people like to purchase it, for its new features that have been provided it; therefore, emphasising on new features becomes efficient.
However, insisting on new features can be a positive trend, but the drwbacksdrawbacks outweigh the advantages of this trend. Firstly, if the advertismentsadvertisements are realyreally reliable and interduceintroduce new products, this can be a positive trend for companies, because they can obtain individuals' trustnesstrust; therefore, they can achieve a high salesales. Secondly, a negative trend that can be easily dominant if the advertismentsadvertisements don't tell the truth to people. mostMost people are highly motivated to follow the products of companies that have a good record in their advertismentsadvertisements; therefore, if purcheserspurchasers find that the emphasisingemphasis of companies about new products was lyea lie, they avoid buying the companies' products.
In conclusion, I think the products should be emphasised that have realyreally new features, not only for achieving to a high salesales. It would be pleasant if factories and companies did their best to advertise the things that are realyreally new and modern.
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Feedback on the Essay
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing why businesses emphasize new products and evaluating whether this is positive or negative. However, the response could be more focused and structured.
The introduction presents the topic but could be clearer in outlining the main points.
Some arguments lack depth. For example, the psychological appeal of new products is mentioned, but more specific reasoning (e.g., consumer psychology, market competition) would strengthen the analysis.
The conclusion is somewhat repetitive and could better summarize the key points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical flow, but some transitions between ideas are abrupt. For example, the shift from positive to negative aspects could be smoother.
Paragraphing is generally appropriate, but some sentences are overly long or fragmented, affecting readability.
Repetition of words like "new" and "advertisements" could be reduced by using synonyms or rephrasing.
Lexical Resource
There is a range of vocabulary, but some word choices are awkward or incorrect (e.g., "staffs" instead of "products," "trustness" instead of "trust").
Some phrases are unnatural (e.g., "achieving to a high sale" should be "achieving high sales").
More precise and varied vocabulary (e.g., "innovation," "consumer appeal," "market trends") would improve lexical sophistication.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are frequent grammatical errors, including:
Subject-verb agreement issues ("a vast majority of people prefer to purchase staffs").
Incorrect word forms ("realy" instead of "really," "interduced" instead of "introduced").
Missing articles ("if the advertisments don't tell the truth to people").
Run-on sentences ("When a camera, for example, be interduced by a company like Canon, many people like to purchase it, for its new features that have provided it").
Sentence structures are sometimes unclear, affecting meaning.
Suggestions for Improvement
Clarify and Expand Arguments – Provide more detailed explanations for why businesses emphasize novelty (e.g., competition, consumer trends).
Improve Grammar and Word Choice – Proofread carefully for errors and use more natural phrasing.
Enhance Cohesion – Use linking words (e.g., "Furthermore," "On the other hand") to connect ideas smoothly.
Refine Conclusion – Summarize key points without repetition and restate the position more clearly.
Overall, the essay responds to the prompt but needs refinement in clarity, grammar, and depth of analysis.