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Question: In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
These days, businesses are more likely to show that their products are new through their advertising. This is because they want to grab their customers’ attention. I think that this is a negative dvelopmentdevelopment. One reason that companies try to use advertising to show that their products are new is that it will be soared soar their sales and make a profit. In contemporary society, becasuebecause of the technology, such as online platforms, most of people are being exposed to the latest trends. The modern Modern fashions are more likely to introducebe introduced as a new products, tempting customers to buy new items, making a creating fierce competition among companies. that if If they emphasize that their goods are new, they will attract more customers, which can lead to improvements in the turnover rate of their goods. However, I believe that this marketing strategy can bring detrimental effects on environmenmtthe environment while it can offer benefits to manufacturers. If businesses continue to prioritize the notion of new in their advertising, they may manipulate people to rely more on new products, making them turn to a complusive into compulsive buyers becasuebecause they will be tempted to replace old products with new ones, resulting in consumerism that is a signifacant cotributingsignificant contributing factor in exacerbating environmnetalenvironmental problems. Take a company producing furniture, for example; if their advertising compelled their customers to change their furniture quickly. So , they willwould need more materials for production, leading to deforestation and exacerbating climate change. In conclusion, while businesses can raise their sales and ehanceenhance their economic preformanceperformance by showcasing their products as a new in some way, I firmly believe that it can adversely affect our environment because of its potential to increase consumerism, which is an important factor in exacerbating climate change by using more energy sources.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
These days, businesses are more likely to show that their products are new through their advertising. This is because they want to grab their customers’ attention. I think that this is a negative dvelopment.
These days, businesses increasingly emphasize the novelty of their products in advertising campaigns to capture customers' attention. While this strategy may boost sales, I consider it a negative development overall.
One reason that companies try to use advertising to show that their products are new is that it will be soared their sales and make a profit. In contemporary society, becasue of the technology, such as online platforms, most of people are being exposed to the latest trends. The modern fashions are more likely to introduce as a new products, tempting customers to buy new items, making a fierce competition among companies that if they emphasize that their goods are new, they will attract more customers, which can lead to improvements in turnover rate of their goods.
One reason companies highlight product innovation is to increase sales and profitability. In today's technologically advanced society, where online platforms dominate, consumers are constantly exposed to the latest trends. Modern marketing frequently presents items as new and improved, creating intense competition among businesses. When companies stress their products' novelty, they often attract more customers, potentially improving their turnover rates.
However, I believe that this marketing strategy can bring detrimental effects on environmenmt while it can offer benefits to manufacturers. If businesses continue to prioritize the notion of new in their advertising, they may manipulate people to rely more on new products, making them turn to a complusive buyers becasue they will be tempted to replace old products with new ones, resulting in consumerism that is a signifacant cotributing factor in exacerbating environmnetal problems. Take a company producing furniture, for example; if their advertising compelled their customers to change their furniture quickly. So they will need more materials for production, leading to deforestation and exacerbating climate change.
However, I believe this marketing approach has significant environmental drawbacks despite its commercial benefits. By persistently promoting novelty, businesses may encourage compulsive buying behaviors, leading consumers to replace functional items unnecessarily. This fosters consumerism, which substantially contributes to environmental degradation. For instance, a furniture company aggressively marketing new designs might persuade customers to replace their furniture prematurely. This would require increased material production, potentially accelerating deforestation and worsening climate change.
In conclusion, while businesses can raise their sales and ehance their economic preformance by showcasing their products as a new in some way, I firmly believe that it can adversely affect our environment because of its potential to increase consumerism, which is an important factor in exacerbating climate change by using more energy sources.
In conclusion, while emphasizing product novelty may enhance business performance, I firmly believe its environmental consequences outweigh these benefits. The resulting consumerism exacerbates climate change through excessive resource consumption and energy use.
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Overall Band Score
5.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on Your Essay

Task Achievement

  • Your response addresses the prompt by explaining why businesses emphasize new products and discussing whether this is a positive or negative development.
  • The position is clear (you argue it is negative), but some points could be more developed. For example, you mention economic benefits for businesses but do not explore counterarguments (e.g., innovation driving progress).
  • Some ideas are repetitive (e.g., consumerism and environmental harm are mentioned multiple times). Try to diversify your supporting points.
  • The conclusion restates your opinion but could summarize key arguments more concisely.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • The essay has a logical structure, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from economic benefits to environmental harm feels abrupt.
  • Some sentences are overly long and complex, making them harder to follow (e.g., "The modern fashions are more likely to introduce as a new products..."). Breaking them into shorter sentences would improve clarity.
  • The use of linking words is minimal. Adding phrases like Furthermore, On the other hand, or As a result would improve flow.

Lexical Resource

  • There are several spelling errors (dvelopment, becasue, complusive, cotributing, ehance), which affect clarity. Proofreading is essential.
  • Some word choices are awkward (soared their sales → boost their sales; turn to a complusive buyers → become compulsive buyers).
  • You use some good vocabulary (exacerbating, consumerism, turnover rate), but more precise phrasing would strengthen your argument.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • There are frequent grammatical errors:
    • "it will be soared their sales" → "it will soar their sales" (verb tense error).
    • "most of people" → "most people" (article error).
    • "making a fierce competition among companies that if they emphasize..." → "creating fierce competition among companies, as emphasizing..." (sentence structure issue).
  • Some sentences are unclear due to incorrect grammar (e.g., "If businesses continue to prioritize the notion of new in their advertising..." → "If businesses continue to prioritize novelty in their advertising...").
  • Work on subject-verb agreement ("businesses... are more likely" is correct, but "modern fashions are more likely to introduce as a new products" is incorrect).

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Proofread carefully to fix spelling and grammar mistakes.
  2. Vary sentence structures to improve readability (mix short and complex sentences).
  3. Expand on counterarguments (e.g., innovation benefits) to strengthen your analysis.
  4. Use more linking words (However, Moreover, Consequently) to improve cohesion.
  5. Clarify awkward phrasing (e.g., "tempting customers to buy new items, making a fierce competition" → "tempting customers to buy new items, which intensifies competition").

Overall, your essay presents a clear stance and relevant arguments, but refining grammar, vocabulary, and structure will enhance clarity and coherence. Keep practicing!