Question: Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory j...
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In today's challenging world, many discuss that accepting the current situation, whether it is satisfayingsatisfying or not, is the best option because it prevents individuals from negative feelings such as jealousy and shame. However, otherothers argue that striving to improve our condition is key to success. I agree with the latter one because this approach fosters our progress and knowledge so we can enhance our job position or level of income.On the one hand, adopting withadapting to the situation leads to promotepromoting good feelings such as happiness and fortune, and preventprevents us from negative pointsemotions. Hence, by implementing such wisdoms onwisdom in life,people can enjoy the moment and be grateful offor their achievements. Furthermore, there would always be always a better situation for people irrespective of their job conditions or salary. Therefore, Ifif people want to envy what others have, they will never be satisfied. For instance, a worker’s dream is to becomingbecome a specialist, and a specialist’s dream is to becomingbecome a manager.On the other hand, trying to achieve will enncourageencourage people to learn new skills and knowledge. Consequently, the moreharder people work harder and learnthe more effectively they learn, the more fortune would be resulted for themthey will attain. Nobody havehas become a manager or millionaire in one night overnight,but they have keptmaintained their consistency and hard work throughoutover a long period to acheiveachieve it. For instance, a perofesorprofessor at a university havehas studied for at least more than twenty years, maintaining andimproving histheir knowledge.In conclusion, while many believe that poeplepeople should embrace their problemproblems and do not complain because of the negative feelings it brings, I contend that persuingpursuing happiness is linked to trying harder and being more consistencyconsistent, and there is not any noway to feel satisfied.
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Feedback on Your Essay
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses both views and presents your own opinion, which is good. However, some points could be clearer and more developed. For example:
The first body paragraph discusses acceptance but could benefit from a stronger example or more detailed reasoning.
The second body paragraph makes a valid point about hard work, but the example of a professor studying for twenty years is somewhat vague—could you specify how this relates to improving one’s situation?
The conclusion restates your position but could summarize the key arguments more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, but some sentences are awkwardly phrased, making the flow less smooth. For example:
"adopting with the situation leads to promote good feelings" → "accepting the situation promotes positive feelings" would be clearer.
"trying to achieve will enncourage people to learn new skills" → "striving for improvement encourages people to acquire new skills" would sound more natural.
Some transitions between ideas could be smoother (e.g., "Furthermore, there would be always a better situation" feels abrupt).
Lexical Resource
You use a range of vocabulary, but some word choices are unnatural or incorrect:
"implementing such wisdoms on life" → "applying such wisdom in life"
"more fortune would be resulted for them" → "greater success would follow"
"persuing happiness is linked to trying harder and more consistency" → "pursuing happiness requires greater effort and consistency"
There are several grammatical errors that affect clarity:
"Nobody have become a manager" → "Nobody has become a manager"
"a worker dream is to becoming a specialist" → "a worker’s dream is to become a specialist"
"maintaining and improving his knowledge" → "while maintaining and improving their knowledge" (for consistency)
Some sentences are fragmented or overly complex (e.g., "Hence, by implementing such wisdoms on life, people can enjoy the moment and be grateful of their achievements.").
Suggestions for Improvement
Clarify Examples: Use more specific, relatable examples (e.g., how someone improved their job situation through upskilling).
Smooth Transitions: Use linking words (However, Moreover, Consequently) to improve flow.
Proofread: Check for spelling/grammar mistakes before submitting.
Simplify Phrases: Avoid awkward phrasing (e.g., "more fortune would be resulted for them" → "they would achieve greater success").
Overall, your essay presents a clear argument but would benefit from more precise language and stronger examples. Keep practicing!