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Question: In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging...

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Nowadays, people’s life spans are increasing all over the world. While many people hold the view that an aged society is caused by some difficulties, others state elderly people have several favorablefavourable aspects for countries. From my point of view, the benefits of an ageing population outweigh the drawbackdrawbacks for the reasons, which are addressed in this essay.     On the one hand, many people are of the opinion that an aged society needs more medical care. Governments allocate a notablesignificant budget annually for the medical expenses of older people. Because the elderly are weaker and more vulnerable than the young, so they require more remedial services. Furthermore, most old people have worked nearly 30 years in order to have a pension in retirement time. Thus, they create extra expenses that governments are responsible for paying to them.     From another angle, other people believe that an aged population leads to some positive points like the enrichment of cultural aspects of each country. Elderly people are the main portionpart of societies that pay intensive attention to culture and tradition. The young, particularly children, are influenced by their behaviorsbehaviours and advice. Therefore, old people can have a constructive impact on each country’s culture. In my opinion, as well as the abovementionedaforementioned reason, old people have preciousvaluable experience, which is very helpful for countries in all aspects including industry, economy, science, etc. Some old people have both academic and practical experience, which they can bring uppass on to a brilliant generation.      By way of conclusion, whether an aged population has more advantages than a young society or not is controversial. As far as I am concerned, agingageing people have positive features and it is fantastic for each country that can take advantage of them.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
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Nowadays, people’s life spans are increasing all over the world. While many people hold the view that an aged society is caused by some difficulties, others state elderly people have several favorable aspects for countries. From my point of view, the benefits of an ageing population outweigh the drawback for the reasons, which are addressed in this essay.
Nowadays, people’s life spans are increasing all over the world. While many individuals believe that an aging society presents certain challenges, others argue that elderly people offer several advantages to their countries. From my perspective, the benefits of an aging population outweigh the drawbacks, as I will discuss in this essay.
    On the one hand, many people are of the opinion that an aged society needs more medical care. Governments allocate a notable budget annually for the medical expenses of older people. Because the elderly are weaker and more vulnerable than the young, so they require more remedial services. Furthermore, most old people have worked nearly 30 years in order to have a pension in retirement time. Thus, they create extra expenses that governments are responsible for paying to them.
On one hand, many people contend that an aging society requires more medical care. Governments allocate significant budgets annually to cover the medical expenses of older individuals. Because the elderly are often weaker and more vulnerable than the young, they require more healthcare services. Furthermore, most older adults have worked for nearly 30 years to secure a pension for their retirement. Consequently, they create additional financial obligations that governments are responsible for fulfilling.
    From another angle, other people believe that an aged population leads to some positive points like the enrichment of cultural aspects of each country. Elderly people are the main portion of societies that pay intensive attention to culture and tradition. The young particularly children are influenced by their behaviors and advice. Therefore, old people can have a constructive impact on each country’s culture. In my opinion, as well as the abovementioned reason, old people have precious experience, which is very helpful for countries in all aspects including industry, economy, science, etc. Some old people have both academic and practical experience, which they can bring up a brilliant generation.
On the other hand, some individuals believe that an aging population brings positive aspects, such as the enrichment of a country’s cultural heritage. Elderly people play a crucial role in societies by emphasizing the importance of culture and tradition. The younger generation, particularly children, is influenced by the behaviors and wisdom of older individuals. Therefore, seniors can have a constructive impact on a nation’s culture. In my opinion, in addition to the aforementioned reasons, older adults possess invaluable experience that can benefit countries in various fields, including industry, economy, and science. Many seniors have both academic and practical knowledge, which can help nurture a brilliant new generation.
     By way of conclusion, whether an aged population has more advantages than a young society or not is controversial. As far as I am concerned, aging people have positive features and it is fantastic for each country that can take advantage of them.
In conclusion, the debate over whether an aging population has more advantages than a younger society is complex. However, I believe that older individuals possess numerous positive attributes, and it is advantageous for each country to leverage their contributions.
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Overall Band Score
6.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
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Linking Words
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Spelling
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Grammar Accuracy
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Grammar Range
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Cohesion
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Task Response
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Word Count
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While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Strengths: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of an aging population. It provides a clear position that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
  • Areas for Improvement: The essay could benefit from more specific examples or data to support the claims made. For instance, mentioning specific cultural contributions or economic impacts of elderly people could strengthen the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Strengths: The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The use of transitional phrases like "On the one hand" and "From another angle" helps in maintaining a logical flow.
  • Areas for Improvement: The essay could improve coherence by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the main argument. Additionally, linking sentences within paragraphs could be more explicit to enhance the flow of ideas.

Lexical Resource

  • Strengths: The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as "medical care," "pension," "cultural aspects," and "constructive impact."
  • Areas for Improvement: There are some awkward phrases and word choices, such as "an aged society is caused by some difficulties" and "aging people have positive features." Consider revising these for clarity and precision. Additionally, varying sentence structures could enhance the lexical resource.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Strengths: The essay demonstrates a good command of basic grammar, with mostly correct sentence structures and verb tenses.
  • Areas for Improvement: There are minor grammatical errors, such as "retirement time" (should be "retirement") and "aging people have positive features" (could be rephrased for clarity). Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage to improve grammatical accuracy.

Overall Suggestions

  • Provide more specific examples or data to support your arguments.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and logical progression of ideas.
  • Revise awkward phrases for clarity and precision.
  • Pay attention to minor grammatical errors to enhance accuracy.

By addressing these areas, the essay can be more compelling and aligned with the IELTS writing criteria.