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Question: Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required ...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
While many people argue that doctors and engineers should choose their work in the country where they pass coursescomplete their studies, others believe that they should be able to work in foreign countries. I agree with the latter approach since it bringshas several valuable effects on their careercareers and increases their chances forof finding adequate jobs. On the one hand, many people say that professional people should professionals should choose their work freely because it enables them to achieve several positive achievementsoutcomes. This means that, when people work in foreign countries, they might be able to work with several facilities which they might not have access to them in the trainingtheir home country. As a result, they are able to broaden their knowledge extensively by working with severalthese facilities. Moreover, it is possible that the trainingtheir home country cannot meet their needs properly. In other words, people might face several challenges due to the lack of balance between supply and demand. By way of For example, while Iran educates over 1000 materials engineers per year, the industry ofin Iran need toneeds only 100 materials engineers per year. Therefore, iI am convinced withby this approach since they are able to not only to enhance their knowledge, but also to increase their chances to findof finding jobs. On the other hand, others advocate that doctors and engineers should find work the in trainingtheir home country since governments allocate money to train thosethem. ItThis is because that governments would allocate more money onto other fields, if they did not train these professionals. Moreover, some parts of training highly depend on the facilities of the traininghome country. It is possible that when they want to work in foreign countries, they might struggle with problems due to the differences between training materials. Yet, I do not support this approach since every humanshuman must be able to choose work without any restrictionrestrictions, and doctors and engineers are not exceptionsno exception. In conclusion, Althoughalthough working in the traininghome country could be beneficial since the government allocates money for training and there are no differences between training materialmaterials and demands, I believe that doctors and engineers should be able to work in foreign countries since they can improve their knowledge and increase their chances to findof finding jobs.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
While many people argue that doctors and engineers should choose their work in the country where they pass courses, others believe that they should be able to work in foreign countries. I agree with the latter approach since it brings several valuable effects on their career and increases their chances for finding adequate jobs.
While many people argue that doctors and engineers should work in the country where they receive their training, others believe they should have the freedom to work abroad. I support the latter view because it offers significant career benefits and improves employment opportunities.
On the one hand, many people say that professional people should choose their work freely because it enables them to achieve several positive achievements. This means that, when people work in foreign countries, they might be able to work with several facilities which they might not access to them in the training country. As a result, they are able to broaden their knowledge extensively by working with several facilities. Moreover, it is possible that the training country cannot meet their needs properly. In other words, people might face several challenges due the lack of balance between supply and demand. By way of example, while Iran educates over 1000 materials engineers per year, the industry of Iran need to 100 materials engineers per year. Therefore, i am convinced with this approach since they are able to not only enhance their knowledge, but also increase their chances to find jobs.
On the one hand, professionals should have the freedom to choose their workplace as it enables them to achieve greater success. Working in foreign countries often provides access to advanced facilities unavailable in their home country, allowing them to expand their expertise significantly. Furthermore, their home country may not always meet their professional needs adequately. For instance, there might be an imbalance between the number of graduates and available positions. Iran, for example, produces over 1,000 materials engineering graduates annually, yet its industry only requires about 100. Therefore, I support this approach as it allows professionals to enhance their knowledge and secure better employment prospects.
On the other hand, others advocate that doctors and engineers should find work the in training country since governments allocate money to train those. It is because that governments would allocate more money on other fields, if they did not train. Moreover, some parts of training highly depend on the facilities of the training country. It is possible that when they want to work in foreign countries, they might struggle with problems due to the differences between training materials. Yet, I do not support this approach since every humans must be able to choose work without any restriction and doctors and engineers are not exceptions.
On the other hand, some argue that doctors and engineers should work in their training country since governments invest substantial resources in their education. If professionals leave, these investments might not benefit the country. Additionally, training programs are often tailored to local needs, and working abroad could present challenges due to differences in standards and requirements. However, I disagree with this perspective because individuals should have the right to choose their workplace without restrictions, including medical and engineering professionals.
In conclusion, Although working in the training country could be beneficial since the government allocates money for training and no differences between training material and demands, I believe that doctors and engineers should be work in foreign countries since they can improve their knowledge and increase their chances to find jobs.
In conclusion, although working in the training country has advantages such as government investment and familiarity with local systems, I believe doctors and engineers should have the freedom to work abroad. This enables them to develop their skills further and access better job opportunities.
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Check your essay for this topic
Overall Band Score
6.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
average
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
average
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on Your Essay

Task Achievement

Your essay addresses both views and presents your opinion clearly, which is good. However, some points could be strengthened:

  • Clarity of Arguments: Some sentences are unclear or awkwardly phrased (e.g., "they might be able to work with several facilities which they might not access to them in the training country"). Rephrasing for clarity would help.
  • Supporting Examples: The example about Iran is useful, but it needs better integration into the argument. Explain how this imbalance affects professionals' career choices.
  • Conclusion: The conclusion restates your position but could be more concise and impactful.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Logical Flow: The essay follows a logical structure, but some transitions between ideas are abrupt. For example, the shift from discussing benefits of working abroad to government funding is sudden.
  • Linking Words: Use more cohesive devices (Furthermore, Consequently, In contrast) to improve flow.
  • Paragraphing: Each paragraph focuses on one main idea, but some sentences are repetitive (e.g., "increase their chances to find jobs" appears multiple times).

Lexical Resource

  • Word Choice & Precision: Some word choices are unnatural ("pass courses" → "complete their education"; "adequate jobs" → "suitable employment").
  • Repetition: Avoid repeating phrases like "training country"—use synonyms (home country, country of education).
  • Formality: Maintain a formal tone by avoiding contractions ("i am" → "I am").

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: Some sentences are grammatically incorrect or awkward ("if they did not train" → "if they did not fund their training").
  • Subject-Verb Agreement: "every humans must be able" → "every human must be able".
  • Articles & Prepositions: Check missing or incorrect articles ("the in training country" → "in the country where they trained").

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Revise for Clarity: Simplify complex sentences and ensure each point is clearly expressed.
  2. Expand Examples: Explain how working abroad benefits professionals beyond just "facilities" (e.g., higher salaries, better research opportunities).
  3. Proofread Grammar: Review subject-verb agreement, articles, and prepositions.
  4. Use Synonyms & Varied Structures: Avoid repetition by using different words and sentence patterns.

Overall, your essay presents a balanced discussion, but refining clarity, grammar, and cohesion will strengthen it. Keep practicing!