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Question: Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subj...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Some students do not agree with restricting their studies to their main subject and want to attain attitudesknowledge about other branchsbranches as well. However, some believe this can reduce the practicality of the main studies. I strongly suggest extending knowledge for everyone regardless of their major. HumanThe human mind is capable of handling a massive amount of information; therefore, it would not be fair to limit the abilities of the brain to a particular area of science and overlook other subjects. In other words, a student can enhance their knowledge and capability by diversifying their range of concernsinterests. It is worth noting that, working in various domains of science can give beneficially broaden the perspective in students' own major, which could be their advantage among peers. For instance, if aan engineering student strengthens their language skills by learning a new language, it can give them an opportunity to access to foreign sources of engineering and facilitate their studies. Nonetheless, concentrating on a particular objective, that is students' main subject in university, is more likely to result in desirable outcomes. To elaborate, when one tries to coordinate different tasks simultaneously, they have to divide their energy, rather than focucingfocusing on a certain field; thus, each objective might lose its quality. Furthermore, students must manage the amount of engagmentengagement with the peripheral subjects; otherwise, other wise they might stray from their own lessons, the result of which brings regret. To illustrate, if a medical student gets intrestedinterested in psychology, they must dedicate a logicalreasonable amount of time for studying it, unless they would not prefer becoming a successful doctor. In conclusion, in conjuctionconjunction with a proper administration, expanding knowledge in other subjects can be advantageous for university students.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Some students do not agree with restricting their studies to their main subject and want to attain attitudes about other branchs as well. However, some believe this can reduce the practicality of the main studies. I strongly suggest extending knowledge for everyone regardless of their major.
Some students do not agree with restricting their studies to their main subject and wish to gain knowledge about other branches as well. However, others believe that this can diminish the practicality of their primary studies. I strongly advocate for the expansion of knowledge for all students, regardless of their major.
Human mind is capable of handling a massive amount of information; therefore, it would not be fair to limit the abilities of brain to a particular area of science and overlook other subjects. In other words, a student can enhance their knowledge and capability by diversifying their range of concerns. It is worth noting that, working in various domains of science can give beneficially broaden the perspective in students' own major, which could be their advantage among peers. For instance, if a engineering student strengthens their language skills by learning a new language, it can give them an opportunity to access to foreign sources of engineering and facilitate their studies.
The human mind is capable of processing a vast amount of information; therefore, it would be unfair to limit its abilities to a specific area of study while neglecting other subjects. In other words, students can enhance their knowledge and skills by diversifying their areas of interest. It is worth noting that working in various domains of study can beneficially broaden a student's perspective within their own major, which could provide them with a competitive advantage among their peers. For instance, if an engineering student improves their language skills by learning a new language, it can grant them access to foreign engineering resources and facilitate their studies.
Nonetheless, concentrating on a particular objective, that is students' main subject in university, is more likely to result in desirable outcomes. To elaborate, when one tries to coordinate different tasks simultaneously, they have to divide their energy, rather than focucing on a certain field; thus, each objective might lose its quality. Furthermore, students must manage the amount of engagment with the peripheral subjects, other wise they might stray from their own lessons, the result of which brings regret. To illustrate, if a medical student gets intrested in psychology, they must dedicate a logical time for studying it, unless they would not prefer becoming a successful doctor.
Nonetheless, focusing on a particular objective—namely, a student's main subject in university—is more likely to yield desirable outcomes. To elaborate, when one attempts to juggle multiple tasks simultaneously, they must divide their energy rather than concentrating on a specific field; as a result, each objective may suffer in quality. Furthermore, students must carefully manage their engagement with peripheral subjects; otherwise, they risk straying from their core lessons, which can lead to regret. For example, if a medical student becomes interested in psychology, they must allocate a reasonable amount of time to study it; otherwise, they may not achieve their goal of becoming a successful doctor.
In conclusion, in conjuction with a proper administration, expanding knowledge in other subjects can be advantageous for university students.
In conclusion, with proper management, expanding knowledge in other subjects can be advantageous for university students.
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Overall Band Score
6.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Task Achievement

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether university students should focus solely on their main subjects or explore additional subjects. The writer provides a clear opinion, advocating for the expansion of knowledge beyond one's major. However, the essay could benefit from more specific examples and evidence to support the arguments presented. For instance, mentioning specific benefits or drawbacks of learning additional subjects could strengthen the discussion.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of learning additional subjects to the potential drawbacks could be more clearly signposted. Additionally, the conclusion could be more robust by summarizing the key points discussed in the essay.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some attempts at using more advanced words and phrases, such as "diversifying their range of concerns" and "beneficially broaden the perspective." However, there are several spelling and word choice errors, such as "attitudes" instead of "aptitudes," "branchs" instead of "branches," and "focucing" instead of "focusing." These errors can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

The essay shows a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences. However, there are several grammatical errors that need attention. For example, "a engineering student" should be "an engineering student," and "the amount of engagment with the peripheral subjects, other wise they might stray" should be "the amount of engagement with peripheral subjects; otherwise, they might stray." Correcting these errors would improve the overall grammatical accuracy of the essay.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Provide Specific Examples: Include more specific examples or evidence to support the arguments, such as real-life scenarios or studies that highlight the benefits or drawbacks of learning additional subjects.

  2. Improve Transitions: Use clearer transition phrases to guide the reader through the essay, especially when moving from one viewpoint to another.

  3. Enhance Conclusion: Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the main points discussed and reiterating the writer's opinion more emphatically.

  4. Correct Errors: Pay attention to spelling, word choice, and grammatical errors to enhance clarity and professionalism.

  5. Expand on Ideas: Elaborate on the points made, providing more depth and detail to the arguments to make them more convincing.