Question: Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. O...
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In the present climate, the ability of advertisements to attract thepeople's attention of people has sparked an immense amount of heated debate. There are two perspectives concerning this matter. One of these views claimclaims that advertisements can convince individuals to purchase things. Another point of view, however, argues that advertising is no longer successful at making the public buy products. I, for one, subscribe to the former opinion.
Those who opine that advertisements do not have any effect on people may provide several justifications. Firstly, they refer to the business programscommercial breaks televised in the middle of TV series. Viewers usually turn the TV volume down as soon as these programs are shownappear. This can prove the general public dodoes not pay attention to them. Furthermore, a tiny minority of citizens might heednotice posters and billboards inon the streets and high wayshighways. The reason may be the fact that the number of these posters has been on the rise in the recent years, so individuals may be usedhave grown accustomed to them.
On the other hand, some people argue that advertising is still effective. A number of advertisements may be so appealing and attractive that citizens are markedlystrongly tempted to buy certain goods. In other words, even if one does not requireneed a product, they might decide to purchase it. This has been shown by a study at the University of California. More than 50,000 people from various countries were interviewed and asked with regard to abouttheir attention to advertisements. Over 67 percent of attendeesparticipants said that they have had an experience of buying goods that they did not really need and were just tempted by advertisementadvertisements.
What can be concluded from the above is that I believe advertising can still be still workable effectivein terms of persuading people to shop for different bargains since plentymany of them might be significantlyhighly tempting. This has been proven by a research project conducted at an American university.
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Feedback on the Essay
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both views and provides a clear opinion, fulfilling the task requirements.
The arguments are developed with relevant examples, such as the study from the University of California, which strengthens the discussion.
However, the conclusion could be more concise. The final sentence repeats the research example unnecessarily instead of summarizing the main points more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically structured, with clear paragraphing (introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion).
Some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing ineffective ads to effective ones could be better linked with a phrase like "Despite these arguments, others believe..."
The use of cohesive devices (e.g., "Firstly," "Furthermore," "On the other hand") is appropriate, but some sentences could be more varied in structure to improve flow.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is generally strong, with words like "immense," "tempted," and "workable" used effectively.
Some phrases could be more natural (e.g., "business programs televised in the middle of TV series" could be reworded as "commercial breaks during TV shows").
Avoid repetition (e.g., "advertisements" is used frequently; synonyms like "marketing," "promotions," or "commercials" could be used instead).
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The grammar is mostly accurate, but there are minor errors:
"asked with regard to their attention to advertisements" → "asked about their attention to advertisements" (more natural phrasing).
"advertising can be still workable" → "advertising can still be effective" (better word choice).
Some sentences are overly complex and could be simplified for clarity (e.g., "This has been proven by a research project conducted at an American university" could be "This was confirmed by a study at an American university").
Suggestions for Improvement
Refine the conclusion – Avoid repeating examples and instead summarize key points more succinctly.
Improve transitions – Use more varied linking words to enhance coherence.
Vary vocabulary – Replace repeated terms with synonyms where possible.
Simplify complex sentences – Some sentences could be clearer with simpler phrasing.
Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a balanced discussion, but minor refinements in cohesion, vocabulary, and sentence structure would enhance clarity and fluency.