Question: Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. O...
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It is argued that whether advertising is beneficial or people are just ignoring themit. Although, advertizment advertisement is a key to enticeenticing customers, it is turning tointo a cliché that people overlook it. However, I believe the influence of promotion is undeniable, and with some modifications it could become more persuasive.First of all, businesses aim to make their productproducts or serviceservices known among the population bythrough advertisement. Indeed, people need to know about something before buying it. But most importantmore importantly, sellers advertise to outperform theytheir rivals in the market and attract more customers. To elaborate, the more advertising you do, the more salesales you have. A great example that springs to mind is Coca-Cola, that which is the most sold product among baveragesbeverages in the world. Thanks, thanks to the company's massive investment of company on the inpromotion.Nonetheless, a preponderance of individuals ignore commercials, due to their redundancy. Potentially, this arises from utilizingusing the same andor similar infrastructuresstructures in all the advertismentsadvertisements. For instance, all of us have seen an advertisment ofadvertisement for a certain cleaning powder ,where that there is whitea muddy white shirt andthat becomes clean after using the powder. On the other hand, commercials could be bothersome, such as whatcingwatching a video on Youtube,YouTube when unexpected advertisings are really interfering advertisements interrupt,and almost everyone wantwants them to finish andso they can continue whatcingwatching their content.In my opinion, without advertising, companies willwould not have a chance to prosper and they would end up with failfailing. However, the advertisings advertisementsmust alter in order changeto become more persuasive and convincing. That is, avoidingthey should avoid traditional methods and structures and addingincorporate some innovation.In conclusion, although advertismentsadvertisements have become common and ineffective in some cases, they are the main key ofto attracting customers. With some beneficial modificationmodifications in the addverting mannersadvertising methods, they would be more eficientefficient.
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Feedback on Your Essay
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses both views and presents your opinion, fulfilling the task requirements. However, the introduction could be clearer in outlining the two perspectives before stating your stance.
Some arguments lack depth. For example, the Coca-Cola example is relevant but could be expanded to explain how advertising contributes to its success.
The conclusion summarizes the main points but could be more concise and impactful.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but some transitions between ideas are abrupt. For instance, the shift from discussing advertising’s effectiveness to people ignoring ads could be smoother.
Some sentences are overly long or awkwardly phrased, affecting readability (e.g., "But most important, sellers advertise to outperform they rivals in the market and attract more customers.").
Repetition of words like "advertising" and "advertisements" could be reduced by using synonyms (e.g., "marketing," "promotions").
Lexical Resource
There are several spelling errors (advertizment, whatcing, eficient) and incorrect word choices (preponderance of individuals is unnatural; "most people" would be better).
Some phrases are awkward ("Thanks to the massive investment of company on the promotion" → "Thanks to the company’s massive investment in promotion").
Vocabulary is somewhat repetitive; try using more varied expressions (e.g., instead of "common," consider "ubiquitous" or "overused").
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are frequent grammatical errors:
Subject-verb agreement ("businesses aim... they rivals" → "their rivals").
Article misuse ("the promotion" → "promotion").
Incorrect word forms ("whatcing" → "watching," "eficient" → "efficient").
Sentence structure issues: Some sentences are fragmented or overly complex. For example:
"Potentially, this arises from utilizing same and similar infrastructures in all the advertisments." (Unclear phrasing; better: "This may be due to the repetitive use of similar advertising techniques.")
Suggestions for Improvement
Clarify your introduction – Clearly state both views before presenting your opinion.
Expand explanations – Provide more detailed examples and analysis (e.g., how Coca-Cola’s ads work).
Improve transitions – Use linking words (However, On the contrary, Consequently) to connect ideas smoothly.
Proofread for errors – Check spelling, grammar, and word choice carefully.
Vary vocabulary – Use synonyms and more precise terms to avoid repetition.
Overall, your essay has a good structure and addresses the prompt, but refining grammar, vocabulary, and coherence will strengthen it significantly. Keep practicing!