Question: Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which cause many h...
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In today's world, overconsumption of sugary food and beverages is causing multiple health issues all over the world. While some feel that making these products more costly should be considered to reduce people's consumption, I completely disagree with this suggestion due to three main areasreasons.Firstly, offering products inat a higher price can lead to inflation. The more expensive products are on the market, the more people's purchasing power would decrease, leading to financial recession in societies. As a result, inflation might be worsenedworsen, inflicting damage to all residents' lives in terms of their ability to meet basic needs.Quality of life is another area of concern. If sugary products were offered inat higher prices, individuals may feel deprived, leading to a lower level of satisfaction. Even worse, they may search for some harmful alternatives offered inat more reasonable costsprices, threatening their physical well-being. ConsequantlyConsequently, people's quality of life may be affected in a negative way negativelyby more expensive products available.The final area thatwhere making sugary foods more expensive can have a negative impact on is companies. To elaborate, factories shouldwould have to spend too much money on replacing their current machines with more advanced ones, enabling them to monitor the amount of sugar used in their products. When these products are offered inat unaffordable prices, customers are no longer able to buy them, leading to less profit for producers. So, there would not be a reliable income for companies, takingpushing them to bankrupttoward bankruptcy.To sum up, as costly products can have a negative influence on finance, quality of life, and companies, it is no longer a good solution to reduce people's consumption of sugary products.
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Feedback on Your Essay
Task Achievement:
Your essay presents a clear position (disagreement) and supports it with three main arguments (inflation, quality of life, and impact on companies).
The ideas are relevant, but some points could be developed further with stronger evidence or examples. For instance, the link between higher prices and inflation could be explained more clearly.
The conclusion effectively summarizes your stance but could be slightly more nuanced by acknowledging potential counterarguments.
Coherence and Cohesion:
The essay is logically structured, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct argument.
Some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, "Quality of life is another area of concern" could be more naturally connected to the previous point.
A few sentences are awkwardly phrased (e.g., "offering products in a higher price" should be "offering products at a higher price").
Lexical Resource:
You use a range of vocabulary, but some word choices are unnatural or incorrect (e.g., "Consequantly" should be "Consequently," "taking them to bankrupt" should be "leading to bankruptcy").
Some phrases could be more precise (e.g., "financial recession in societies" could be "economic strain on households").
There are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement ("The more expensive products are... the more people's purchasing power would decrease" should be "The more expensive products become... the more people's purchasing power decreases").
Some sentences are overly complex and unclear (e.g., "When these products offered in unaffordable prices, customers are no longer able to buy them").
Work on article usage ("a higher price" → "higher prices," "a negative way" → "a negative manner").
Suggestions for Improvement:
Strengthen arguments with real-world examples (e.g., how sugar taxes have affected economies in certain countries).
Proofread carefully to correct grammar and word choice errors.
Vary sentence structures for better flow.
Consider briefly addressing opposing views to make your argument more balanced.
Overall, your essay has a strong foundation but needs refinement in clarity, grammar, and depth of analysis. Keep practicing!