Question: Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required ...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
While many people hold the view that engineers and doctors should serve in the country where they acquired their knowledge, Othersothers are of the opinion that there is no constraint for them, and they can choose where to work arbitrarilyfreely. From my point of view, professionals have the right to choose the place where they feel betterbest. On the one hand, numerous people state that training is based on each country’s conditions for doctors and engineers. For instance, the UAE is a coastal country, which means it has a soft solidsoil, so a civil engineer who trained in a mountainous country is not really skillfulskilled in constructing buildings there. Also, some diseases are specific to a region like malaria, and maybe a doctor who lives in Nordic countries does not know anything about that. Therefore, it is better for professionals to work where they are trained. From another angle, many people are proponents of the opinion that there is no limitation for professionals in terms of choosing where they would ratherprefer to work. Most people firmly believe that doctors and engineers can adapt themselves to tough situations, for they have sufficient knowledge and literacyskills to overcome vast problems. As far as I am concerned, eventhey may even have some issues in their original country where they trained, which convinces them to immigrate somewhere so that they have the opportunity to extend their proficiency and experience. For example, the non-advancedunderdeveloped automotive industry in Iran provides a situation in which approximately most experienced people in this field prefer to go abroad in order to employ their ideas in other countries. By awayway of conclusion, whether professionals like doctors and engineers should work in the country where they trained or not is a popular topic these days. In my opinion, this issue totally depends on the professionals’ decision and they are free to choose their career path.
See more samples for this topic
Check your essay for this topic
Overall Band Score
6.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
Loading
Linking Words
Loading
Spelling
Loading
Grammar Accuracy
Loading
Grammar Range
Loading
Cohesion
Loading
Paragraph Structure
Loading
Task Response
Loading
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback

Task Achievement

  • Addressing the Prompt: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether professionals should work in the country where they trained or have the freedom to work elsewhere.
  • Position: Your position is clearly stated, supporting the idea that professionals should have the freedom to choose where they work.
  • Examples and Support: You provide relevant examples, such as the UAE's coastal conditions and the automotive industry in Iran, to support your arguments. However, the examples could be more detailed to strengthen your points further.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Structure: The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion.
  • Cohesion: Transition words and phrases like "On the one hand," "From another angle," and "By away conclusion" help in maintaining the flow of the essay. However, "By away conclusion" seems to be a typographical error and should be corrected to "By way of conclusion."
  • Paragraphing: Each paragraph focuses on a single idea, which aids in clarity and coherence.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with terms like "proficiency," "immigrate," and "adapt." However, there are minor errors such as "soft solid" which should be "soft soil."
  • Variety: There is a good range of vocabulary, but further variety and precision could enhance the essay.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, which adds to the readability.
  • Grammar: There are minor grammatical errors, such as "even may have some issues" which should be "they may even have some issues." These errors do not significantly impede understanding but should be corrected for greater accuracy.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Detail in Examples: Provide more detailed examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, explain how specific training in a country might not be applicable elsewhere.
  2. Lexical Precision: Ensure that vocabulary is used accurately, such as correcting "soft solid" to "soft soil."
  3. Grammar and Typographical Errors: Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and typographical mistakes to improve clarity and professionalism.
  4. Expand on Ideas: While the essay covers both views, expanding on the reasons why professionals might choose to work abroad could provide a more balanced discussion.

Overall, the essay is well-organized and addresses the task effectively, but attention to detail in language use and examples could enhance its quality.