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Question: Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. O...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Advertising is a controversial topic: some people argue that it is highly persuasive in encouraging us to buy products, while others believe it has become so ubiquitouscommon that it no longer influences us. In my opinion, advertising remains highly effective at shaping consumer behavior. On one side of the debate, critics of advertising argue that people have grown desensitizedaccustomed to its presence. They believe that consumers today make purchases based on rationalpractical needs rather than being swayed by flashy advertisements. For instance, adults often prepare shopping lists in advancebeforehand, focusing only on essentials. Additionally, many individuals are aware of marketing tacticsstrategies, such as emotional appeals or exaggerated claims, and are therefore less likely to be influenced by repetitive advertisements. However, others, including myself, maintain that advertising continues to play a significantmajor role in influencing people’s choices. Modern advertisements are often designed to target subconscious desires, making it difficulthard to resist their appeal. For example, while shopping for necessities, customers might encounter promotions or discounts that tempt them to buy additionalextra items they had not planned for. Moreover, advertising often creates a sense of urgency, such as “limited-time offers,” which can push consumers to make impulsivehasty decisions. Another important factor is the influence of advertising on children. Young audiences are particularly susceptiblevulnerable to colorful or entertaining campaigns, which can create pressure on parents to purchase unnecessary items. This highlightsshows how advertising does not merely target individuals but entire families. In conclusion, while some argue that advertising has lost its impact, I believe it still holds considerablesignificant power. Whether through subconscious influence or emotional appeals, advertising continues to shape consumer decisions in both directobvious and indirectsubtle ways.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Advertising is a controversial topic: some people argue that it is highly persuasive in encouraging us to buy products, while others believe it has become so ubiquitous that it no longer influences us. In my opinion, advertising remains highly effective at shaping consumer behavior.
Advertising is a controversial topic: some people argue that it is highly persuasive in encouraging consumers to purchase products, while others believe it has become so commonplace that it no longer affects purchasing decisions. In my view, advertising remains remarkably effective in influencing consumer behavior.
On one side of the debate, critics of advertising argue that people have grown desensitized to its presence. They believe that consumers today make purchases based on rational needs rather than being swayed by flashy advertisements. For instance, adults often prepare shopping lists in advance, focusing only on essentials. Additionally, many individuals are aware of marketing tactics, such as emotional appeals or exaggerated claims, and are therefore less likely to be influenced by repetitive advertisements.
On one hand, critics of advertising contend that people have become immune to its effects. They argue that modern consumers make rational purchasing decisions based on actual needs rather than being swayed by advertisements. For example, many adults prepare shopping lists in advance, focusing solely on essential items. Furthermore, increased awareness of marketing strategies, such as emotional manipulation or exaggerated claims, has made consumers more resistant to repetitive advertising.
However, others, including myself, maintain that advertising continues to play a significant role in influencing people’s choices. Modern advertisements are often designed to target subconscious desires, making it difficult to resist their appeal. For example, while shopping for necessities, customers might encounter promotions or discounts that tempt them to buy additional items they had not planned for. Moreover, advertising often creates a sense of urgency, such as “limited-time offers,” which can push consumers to make impulsive decisions. Another important factor is the influence of advertising on children. Young audiences are particularly susceptible to colorful or entertaining campaigns, which can create pressure on parents to purchase unnecessary items. This highlights how advertising does not merely target individuals but entire families.
On the other hand, I believe advertising still plays a crucial role in shaping consumer choices. Modern advertisements are expertly crafted to target subconscious desires, making them difficult to ignore. For instance, while shopping for necessities, consumers may encounter promotions or discounts that tempt them to buy unplanned items. Additionally, advertising often creates a sense of urgency through tactics like "limited-time offers," prompting impulsive purchases. Another significant factor is advertising’s influence on children, who are particularly vulnerable to colorful and engaging campaigns. This, in turn, pressures parents into buying unnecessary products, demonstrating how advertising targets entire families rather than just individuals.
In conclusion, while some argue that advertising has lost its impact, I believe it still holds considerable power. Whether through subconscious influence or emotional appeals, advertising continues to shape consumer decisions in both direct and indirect ways.
In conclusion, although some argue that advertising has lost its effectiveness, I maintain that it remains a powerful force. Whether through subconscious persuasion or emotional appeals, advertising continues to shape consumer behavior in both overt and subtle ways.
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Overall Band Score
8.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
strong
Linking Words
strong
Spelling
strong
Grammar Accuracy
strong
Grammar Range
strong
Cohesion
strong
Paragraph Structure
strong
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on the Essay

Task Achievement:
The essay effectively addresses both views presented in the prompt and provides a clear opinion. The arguments are well-developed, with relevant examples (e.g., shopping lists, limited-time offers, and children’s susceptibility) that support each perspective. However, the conclusion could be slightly more balanced by acknowledging the opposing view before reinforcing the writer’s stance.

Coherence and Cohesion:
The essay is logically structured, with clear paragraphing and smooth transitions between ideas. The introduction sets up the discussion well, and the body paragraphs present contrasting viewpoints cohesively. However, some sentences could be more tightly linked (e.g., "Moreover, advertising often creates a sense of urgency..." could be more explicitly connected to the previous point).

Lexical Resource:
The vocabulary is varied and appropriate (e.g., "desensitized," "ubiquitous," "subconscious desires," "impulsive decisions"). However, there is some repetition of words like "influence" and "advertising," which could be replaced with synonyms (e.g., "marketing," "persuasion," "impact"). A few phrases could be more precise (e.g., "flashy advertisements" could be "glossy or exaggerated ads").

Grammatical Range and Accuracy:
The grammar is mostly accurate, with a mix of complex and simple sentence structures. However, there are minor issues:

  • "On one side of the debate, critics of advertising argue that people have grown desensitized to its presence." → "Critics argue that people have grown desensitized to advertising." (More concise)
  • "Young audiences are particularly susceptible to colorful or entertaining campaigns, which can create pressure on parents to purchase unnecessary items." → "Young audiences, being particularly susceptible to colorful or entertaining campaigns, may pressure parents into unnecessary purchases." (More fluid phrasing)

Suggestions for Improvement:

  1. Balance the Conclusion: Briefly acknowledge the opposing view before restating your opinion.
  2. Enhance Lexical Variety: Replace repeated words with synonyms to avoid redundancy.
  3. Refine Sentence Structure: Some sentences could be more concise or varied for better flow.
  4. Strengthen Transitions: Ensure smoother connections between ideas, especially in the body paragraphs.

Overall, the essay is well-argued and meets the task requirements, but minor refinements in cohesion, vocabulary, and grammar could further improve clarity and sophistication.