Question: Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines...

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In recent decades, most people have become interested in home remedies to cure their health issues instead of visiting their doctors. While this situation can be beneficial to save money and time, in my view, the detrimental effects, such as the spread of virusviruses, have brought more significant consequences. On the one hand, the trend of curing health issues at home has become common among individuals. This can be considered a negative situation due to several reasons. Firstly, people have to understand that doctors and related professionals have studied their subjects for more than six years,; therefore, they have an essential knowledge to dignosediagnose and use the best treatment for them, and also they are aware of the advancements in medicinsmedicine. ThereforTherefore, visiting doctors is always is a the best solution to cure the health-related problems. In addition, patients often, in their homes, take their old medicines, which it might be expired, or home remedies, such as drinking lemon with honey and hot water, as their main treatments. In fact, these mentioned alternative treatments can be effective alongside the doctor’s prescription. As a result, if their illness cannot be cured, more people will get the virus from them. On the other hand, others argue that, by using the remedies at home, there are more advantages for us. The most important one is saving a reasonable amount of money. They beleivebelieve that doctors always instruct us to take extra tests or medicines, leading to spending a lot of money that we can use it in a better way. For example, instead of spending money on non-essential tests, people can buy useful products for their children. At the same time, most parents believe that they can save their valuable time to be more productive in their lives. For instance, if they do not waste their time in waiting rooms, they can spend time with their children. In conclusion, in the modern world, more people have been encouraged to use home remedies and traditional treatments at their homes home and refuse to visit their doctors. Although this situation carries certain advantages, like people saving their time to do their favourite tasks, I assert that it represents a negative development due to its potential drawbacks, including diseases becoming widespread among others.
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Overall Band Score
6
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of using alternative medicines instead of visiting doctors. However, the position could be more clearly stated at the beginning of the essay to guide the reader.
  • Development of Ideas: The essay provides a balanced view by presenting both sides of the argument. However, the negative aspects are more thoroughly developed than the positive ones. Consider expanding on the benefits of alternative medicine to provide a more balanced discussion.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs. Each paragraph has a distinct focus, which aids in the overall coherence of the essay.
  • Cohesive Devices: Transition words and phrases are used effectively to connect ideas (e.g., "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion"). However, some transitions could be smoother, particularly when shifting between contrasting ideas.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some attempts at using more advanced words (e.g., "detrimental effects," "advancements in medicines"). However, there are a few spelling errors ("dignose" should be "diagnose," "medicins" should be "medicines," "beleive" should be "believe").
  • Word Choice: Some word choices could be improved for precision and clarity. For example, "the spread of virus" could be more accurately phrased as "the spread of viruses" or "the spread of infections."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds to the readability. However, there are some grammatical errors that need attention, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage (e.g., "a best solution" should be "the best solution").
  • Grammar: There are minor grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as "it might be expired" which should be "they might be expired." These errors do not significantly impede understanding but should be corrected for greater accuracy.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Clarify Position Early: Clearly state your position in the introduction to provide a clear direction for the essay.
  2. Expand on Positive Aspects: Provide more detailed examples and explanations of the benefits of alternative medicine to balance the discussion.
  3. Proofread for Errors: Carefully proofread the essay to correct spelling and grammatical errors, which will enhance clarity and professionalism.
  4. Enhance Transitions: Work on making transitions between ideas smoother to improve the flow of the essay.

Overall, the essay presents a thoughtful discussion on the topic, but with some improvements in clarity, balance, and accuracy, it could be more effective.