Writing evaluation result for: In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the... - Balang

Question: In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the h...

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In this day and agesage, many people are curious about the history of the building they live in., their accommodation. One pivotal factor that makes people interested in searching aboutfor the background of the place they live can be safety concerns. Since the majority of people, speciallyespecially in urban areas, live in modern apartmentapartments, they want to be aware of the structure they live in. forFor example, some buildings are beltbuilt based on strikestrict safety regulationregulations. These buildings are more resistant against nationalto natural disasters, including, earthquake earthquakes and tornadoes, making them a reliable place to live. Furthermore, with regard to older buildings, people are often are eager to nowknow about some issues such as how old the building is or how many people lived there before. In this case, searching aboutfor the history of the building generally holds sentimental valuesvalue, helping the current inhabitantinhabitants to make an emotional connection to the place. In order to gain information about the history of the building, there can be several ways. First of all, regarding modern buildingbuildings, people have access to the constructors, so they can ask whatever they need to noknow directly, or they can ask an expert in the field to visit their house to see whether safety rules are followed or not. And for older buildingbuildings, people who are interested in knowing about history can ask any questionquestions from neighbors, or if the building is historical, they can refer to the city council for further information. In conclusion, peoplespeople’s curiosity about the background of the building they live in can be stem from consequencea combination of factors, including safety and emotional issues. In order to address this multifaceted issue, people can receive information from builders, neighbors, and the city council.

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Overall Band Score

5.5

Overview

Vocabulary Range

average

Linking Words

average

Spelling

weak

Grammar Accuracy

weak

Grammar Range

average

Cohesion

average

Paragraph Structure

average

Task Response

strong

Word Count

sufficient

While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on the Essay:

Task Achievement

The essay addresses both parts of the question (reasons and research methods) but could improve in clarity and depth.
Some ideas are underdeveloped, such as the emotional connection to older buildings, which could be expanded with examples.
The safety argument is relevant but could be strengthened with more precise examples (e.g., earthquake-prone regions).
The conclusion summarizes the points but could be more concise and impactful.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay has a logical structure but suffers from awkward phrasing and grammatical errors, which disrupt flow.
Some sentences are unclear or redundant (e.g., "their accommodation" is unnecessary after "the building they live in").
Transition words are used, but more variety and smoother connections between ideas would improve readability.
Paragraphing is appropriate, but topic sentences could be clearer.

Lexical Resource

Vocabulary is generally appropriate, but there are errors in word choice (e.g., "belt" instead of "built," "now" instead of "know").
Some phrases are unnatural (e.g., "holds sentimental values" → "has sentimental value").
Repetition occurs (e.g., "people who are interested in knowing about history" could be reworded).
More precise and varied vocabulary would enhance the response.

Grammar and Accuracy

Several grammatical errors affect clarity (e.g., "In this day and ages" → "Nowadays," "national disasters" → "natural disasters").
Subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., "peoples’ curiosity... can be stem from" → "can stem from").
Articles are missing or misused (e.g., "the constructors" → "the builders").
Sentence structure is sometimes awkward (e.g., "making them a reliable place to live" could be rephrased for smoother flow).

Suggestions for Improvement

Clarify and Expand Ideas – Provide more specific examples (e.g., how safety regulations differ in earthquake-prone areas).
Improve Grammar and Word Choice – Proofread carefully to correct errors and refine phrasing.
Enhance Cohesion – Use more varied linking words and ensure smoother transitions between sentences.
Strengthen Conclusion – Make it more concise and impactful by summarizing key points without repetition.

Overall, the essay responds to the task but would benefit from clearer expression, better grammar, and more developed ideas.