Question: Some people think that competition at work, at school, and in daily life is a good thing. ...
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There is no doubt that rivals make each other better. While some people think that having rivalry atin the workplace, school, and everyday life is not a good thing, I would argue that why it is beneficial for people.
Competing in a group instead of cooperationcooperating between members can hurt the outcome of an organisation. This is because while people are fighting with each other to gain a better position, some great ideas can be missingoverlooked. For example, consider an advertisementadvertising company where employees are trying to sabotage other models, so they can get the promotion, and it can damage the creativity of the whole system, and they might lose clients. Conversely, if those people work together, they would gain a significant profit.
Competition can make humans try harder in order to reach higher positions. It is clear that people can be more creative and hardworking when there are other rivals. For instance, imagine a car factory where there are several designers, and their boss attends a race and prepares a prize for the winner of the best design. At this moment, everyone will do their best to achieve the glory of being the best and win the prize, so the company will gain benefits and its designs will be better. On the oppositeConversely, if there is only one designer, he wontwon't bother himself to create a new model.
In conclusion, although partnershipcollaboration can boost the quality of the workplace and school, in my view, competition in a healthy environment can improve the entire system.
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Task Response
Addressing the Prompt: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both views on competition and cooperation. It provides a clear stance in favor of competition, which is well-articulated in the introduction and conclusion.
Development of Ideas: The essay presents relevant examples to support both perspectives. However, the argument for cooperation could be further developed with more specific examples or evidence to balance the discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Structure and Organization: The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, contributing to the overall coherence.
Use of Linking Words: Transition words and phrases such as "while," "for example," "conversely," and "in conclusion" are used effectively to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument.
Lexical Resource
Range of Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with words like "rivals," "sabotage," "creativity," and "glory." However, there is room for more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to enhance the argument.
Accuracy: The vocabulary is generally used accurately, though there are minor errors, such as "wont" instead of "won't."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, which adds to the readability and engagement of the text.
Grammar and Punctuation: There are a few grammatical errors, such as missing articles ("a better position" instead of "better position") and punctuation issues ("wont" instead of "won't"). These errors do not significantly impede understanding but should be addressed for greater accuracy.
Suggestions for Improvement
Develop the Argument for Cooperation: Provide more detailed examples or evidence to support the benefits of cooperation, ensuring a balanced discussion.
Enhance Vocabulary: Incorporate more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to strengthen the argument and demonstrate a higher level of lexical resource.
Address Minor Errors: Pay attention to minor grammatical and punctuation errors to improve accuracy and clarity.
Overall, the essay presents a clear and coherent argument with relevant examples. By addressing the suggestions above, the response could be further improved in terms of balance and language sophistication.