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Question: Some people think that competition at work, at school, and in daily life is a good thing. ...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
AdvertisingThe advertising role is not conceal toconcealed from everyone, and undoubtedly this new phenamenonphenomenon could haveplay an important playrole in temporary life. Big and small busnissesbusinesses are introducesintroduced by ads, and their productionsproducts can be valuatedevaluated and regardregarded as new. Although this type of informatiominformation can change market cricles ,circles, it can have a positive and negative impact that can have importantroleplay an important role in the economic system. Finally, , the selling period and financial benefit is the end aim of producingproduction, and every producer strugglestruggles for sucsessingsuccess at thsthis stage. and ading Adding a new thing to its procuction ,production can be the best way for better selling. For example, when the first pen and pencil wadwere made, there was not any rival who productproduced the others, and for some yearyears the first company was a pioneer. However,but after years, the other personsindividuals decided to establish new factories for estationary anfstationery, and for better selling, they had to force have volenteer volunteers and they created create some different colours tofor the first pencil.Or Alternatively, the other companeycompany had to add various tastes to proteenprotein products and something eleselse. In fact, Infact this kind of comparison that iswas born after industrilathe industrial revolution, established a variety of production, and individualindividuals can ascessaccess their desiers and advertising playdesires. Advertising plays a vital and crutial playcrucial role in bazarsbazaars that could lead to reducing emploeesemployees, increasing jobjobs and salaries, improvement atimproving the production system, and saving manymoney and time forto distinguish the best and needable product thatmost needed products, all of thewhich are the positives about advertisngadvertising. On the other hand, advertising's emphasis on being new of manufaction canhavein manufacturing can have a negative impact on people's life lives.however However good ,this type of mention is, it will raides customeriseingraise customerising between contriescountries, and humanity's life wollwill be in danger, Because because factories have to struglestruggle with their components. and however creative. However creative they are, they have to manufactormanufacture new thins for ever things forever, and this will convert to circlea cycle.Need to The need for more eneryenergy for progressing new and marketable productproducts and conciving individualconvincing individuals about them can be dangerous for our planet.in In conclusion, by regarding tothe negative and positive sidesides of advertising,this it is people's undertaking to have independant decidingindependent decisions for buybuying and sellselling, and advertismenadvertising can have just an introducerintroductory function in industry and market.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Advertising role is not conceal to everyone and undoubtedly this new phenamenon could have important play in temporary life. Big and small busnisses are introduces by ads and their productions can be valuated and regard new. Although this type of informatiom can change market cricles ,have positive and negative impact that can have importantrole in economic system.Finally ,selling period and financial benefit is the end aim of producing and every producer struggle for sucsessing at ths stage and ading a new thing to its procuction ,can be the best way for better selling. For example , when the first pen and pencil wad made,there was not any rival who product the others and for some year the first company was pioneer ,but after years the other persons decided to establish new factories for estationary anf for better selling they had to force have volenteer and they created some different colours to the first pencil.Or the other companey had to add various tastes to proteen products and something eles, Infact this kind of comparison that is born after industrila revolution, established variety of production and individual can ascess their desiers and advertising play a vital and crutial play in bazars that could lead reducing emploees, increasing job and salaries, improvement at production system, saving many and time for distinguish best and needable product that all of the are the positives about advertisng.On the other hand,advertising emphasis on being new of manufaction canhave negative impact on people life .however good ,this type of mention,will raides customeriseing between contries and humanity life woll be in danger, Because factories have to strugle with their components and however creative.they have to manufactor new thins for ever and this will convert to circle.Need to more enery for progressing new and marketable product and conciving individual about them can be dangerous for our planet.in conclusion, by regarding to negative and positive side of advertising ,this is people undertaking to have independant deciding for buy and sell and advertismen can have just an introducer function in industry and market.
The role of advertising is not concealed from anyone, and undoubtedly, this phenomenon plays an important role in contemporary life. Both big and small businesses are introduced through advertisements, and their products can be evaluated and regarded as new. Although this type of information can change market dynamics, it has both positive and negative impacts that can significantly influence the economic system. Ultimately, the selling period and financial benefits are the end goals of production, and every producer strives for success at this stage. Adding something new to their product line can be the best way to enhance sales. For example, when the first pen and pencil were made, there were no competitors producing similar items, and for several years, the first company was a pioneer in the market. However, after some time, other individuals decided to establish new factories for stationery. To improve sales, they had to innovate and create different colors for the first pencil. Similarly, other companies had to introduce various flavors to protein products and other items. In fact, this kind of competition, which emerged after the Industrial Revolution, established a variety of products, allowing individuals to access their desires. Advertising plays a vital and crucial role in markets, which can lead to reduced unemployment, increased job opportunities and salaries, improvements in production systems, and savings in time and money for consumers seeking the best and most necessary products. All of these are positive aspects of advertising. On the other hand, the emphasis on novelty in manufacturing can have negative impacts on people's lives. While this focus on innovation can be beneficial, it may also lead to increased consumerism between countries, putting humanity at risk. Factories must constantly struggle with their components, and despite their creativity, they are compelled to manufacture new products continuously, creating a cycle of demand. This need for more energy to develop new and marketable products, along with the pressure to convince individuals to purchase them, can be detrimental to our planet. In conclusion, considering both the negative and positive sides of advertising, it is essential for people to make independent decisions regarding buying and selling. Advertising can serve merely as an introductory function in the industry and market.
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Overall Band Score
4
Overview
Vocabulary Range
weak
Linking Words
weak
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
weak
Grammar Range
weak
Cohesion
weak
Paragraph Structure
weak
Task Response
weak
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Response

The essay does not adequately address the prompt. The task requires a discussion on the merits of competition versus cooperation in various aspects of life, such as work, school, and daily life. However, the response primarily focuses on advertising and its role in the economy, which is not directly related to the topic. To improve, ensure that the essay directly addresses the prompt by discussing both competition and cooperation, providing relevant examples and a clear opinion.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay lacks clear organization and logical progression of ideas. The introduction does not clearly state the topic or the writer's position. The body paragraphs are not well-structured, and there is a lack of clear topic sentences. Additionally, the essay jumps between ideas without clear transitions, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. To enhance coherence, use clear paragraphing with topic sentences and logical transitions between ideas.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with several spelling errors and incorrect word forms (e.g., "phenamenon," "valuated," "sucsessing," "volenteer," "raides"). There is also a misuse of some words, such as "conceal" and "regard." To improve, focus on expanding vocabulary and ensuring correct word usage. Proofreading for spelling and word choice errors would also be beneficial.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms, subject-verb agreement issues, and sentence fragments. For example, "Advertising role is not conceal to everyone" and "this type of informatiom can change market cricles ,have positive and negative impact." These errors hinder the clarity of the essay. To improve, work on sentence structure, verb tenses, and agreement. Practice writing clear and grammatically correct sentences.

Overall Suggestions

  • Address the Prompt: Ensure that the essay directly responds to the task by discussing competition and cooperation.
  • Organize Ideas: Use clear paragraphing with topic sentences and logical transitions.
  • Expand Vocabulary: Work on using a wider range of vocabulary accurately.
  • Improve Grammar: Focus on writing grammatically correct sentences and reducing errors.
  • Proofread: Carefully check for spelling and grammatical mistakes before finalizing the essay.

By focusing on these areas, the essay can be more aligned with the IELTS writing criteria and effectively communicate the writer's ideas.