Question: In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in...
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eseThese days, companies are competing for the novelty of their products. Customer preferences may result in influencethis competition in some ways. In my opinion, the novelty of products leads to people'sgreater convenience, which could be considered a positive development.
Companies consider individual preferences to reachachieve their goals and make a fortuneprofit. People's demand changesdemands change over time, so cutting-edge technology takes responsibility for meeting current needs. For example, there is a risinggrowing demand for better camera zoom in cell phones, so Appleannually introduces a new version of cell phones that coversaddresses the previous versionmodel's deficiency in camerascamera limitations. So as Asindividuals' demands change, theso do companies' ideas changeinnovations.
There are competing views on whether this newnessnovelty is a good or bad development. Generally, it is considered a positive development because it facilitatesalleviates life's difficulties with new-brand devices. Take online restaurants as an example,: they provide ready-made meals for people who are not able to cannoteat out. Additionally, they are adding some offeroptions such as the fastest fasterdelivery and preparation. Although anthe increasing percentagepopularity of ordering fast food brings some diseases such ascontributes to health issues like obesity and diabetes, I believe that new technology decreasesreduces daily life burdens. Another example is Tesla's company concentrating on developing self-drivingcars that don’t need drivers to for long-distancetravel even far distances. Consequently, disabled people can take a trip with no effort by travel effortlesslyusing these modern carsvehicles.
To conclude, the companycompanies's competition for newness is a result of the changing novelty stems from changing consumerpreferences of individuals in different yearsover time. As a result, companies will be encouraged are motivatedto respond to meetthese requests which finally ends in people's demands, ultimately leading to customersatisfaction. SoTherefore, this emphasisfocus on novelty should be consideredviewed as a positive development.
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Feedback on Your Essay
Task Achievement
Response to the Prompt: Your essay addresses both parts of the question—why businesses emphasize novelty and whether it is positive or negative. However, the reasoning could be more developed, especially in explaining why novelty is emphasized (beyond just changing consumer preferences).
Supporting Examples: You provide relevant examples (Apple, online restaurants, Tesla), which strengthen your argument. However, some points could be expanded further (e.g., how novelty directly benefits consumers beyond convenience).
Balance of Opinion: Your stance (positive development) is clear, but a brief acknowledgment of potential drawbacks (e.g., environmental waste from constant upgrades) would make the argument more balanced.
Coherence and Cohesion
Logical Flow: The essay follows a logical structure, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing Apple to online restaurants feels abrupt.
Paragraphing: The paragraphs are well-structured, but the second body paragraph could be split into two—one discussing benefits and another addressing counterarguments.
Linking Words: Some cohesive devices are used effectively ("Additionally," "Consequently"), but others could be improved (e.g., "So as individuals' demands change" could be rephrased for clarity).
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary Range: You use a good variety of words ("novelty," "cutting-edge technology," "facilitates"), but some phrasing is awkward ("new-brand devices," "fastest delivery and preparation").
Word Choice & Accuracy: Some word choices could be more precise (e.g., "make a fortune" is informal; "ends in people's satisfaction" could be "leads to greater satisfaction").
Repetition: Avoid repeating "newness" and "novelty" too frequently; synonyms like "innovation" or "advancements" could help.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
Sentence Structure: A mix of simple and complex sentences is used, but some sentences are unclear or grammatically incorrect (e.g., "Customer preferences may result in this competition in some ways" could be reworded for clarity).
Grammar Errors:
"Apple annually introduces a new version of cell phones that covers the previous version's deficiency in cameras." → "Apple introduces new phone versions annually, improving upon previous camera deficiencies."
"So as individuals' demands change, the companies' ideas change." → "As consumer demands evolve, companies adapt their products accordingly."
"Although an increasing percentage of ordering fast food brings some diseases..." → "Although the rise in fast-food consumption contributes to health issues..."
Expand on Reasons for Novelty: Explain why businesses focus on novelty (e.g., market competition, psychological appeal of "new" products).
Strengthen Counterarguments: Briefly acknowledge potential downsides (e.g., overconsumption, environmental impact) before reinforcing your positive stance.
Improve Clarity & Flow: Some sentences need rephrasing for smoother transitions and better readability.
Proofread for Grammar: Review sentence structure and article usage to minimize errors.
Overall, your essay presents a clear argument with good examples, but refining grammar, coherence, and depth of analysis would enhance its effectiveness. Keep practicing!