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Question: It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
In modern times, deposit and money management are one of the important skills for every one everyone, including young people, to secure rheirtheir future. Some people argue that peopleindividuals should learn to live in the moment and enjoy it with out without just thinking about the future. WhileMeanwhile, some other people others believe that saving money can giveinstil discipline in the personal and prefesionalprofessional lives of young people. I agree to some extantsextent with the latter viewpoint, and in this essay, I will support my opinion with examples. From one perspective, it is argued by some that saving money and thinking about the future can cause losing nowone to lose out on the present, because if people tend to just thinkethink about the future and save monymoney for it, they can become anxious. As a result, people, specialy especially the youngest, should learn how to live in the moment. A resentrecent study conducted by Cambridge universityUniversity shows that when people are futuristic and save money for catastrophic incedentsincidents, their brinebrain starts the stress metabolic process in humen bodyshuman bodies that can cause several reaction onreactions in people's cell speciallycells; especially, it can increase the risk of cardiovascular disease, as a consequent. Consequently, it not only can cause anxiousness, but also can incraseincrease the risk of several biological diseases. On the flip side, many people holedhold the view that despositdeposit and monymoney management arehave significant effects on the future of peopleindividuals, because these skills can giveinstil discipline toin young people, which havehas undeniable roles in their success. Meanwhile, saving monymoney for the future can help them to deal with unpredictable incident in futureincidents. As a result, these skills can increase the probability of their success and givesprovide them with a safesecure future. A tangible example of this is Japan, where the governments havegovernment has invested on thichingin teaching young people about money management and increasing their awerness aboutawareness of the considerable effects of it inon their future success. Consequently, so a growing number of japanesesJapanese have remarkebelremarkable discipline in their personal and prefesionalprofessional lives. All things considered, dispetdespite the fact that being futuristic and savesaving money for it can increase peoplespeople's stress levellevels, it has a substantial roles on peoplesrole in people's success with the improvement of their disciblinediscipline. PersonalyPersonally, I agree with the saving money, but if poplepeople can managementmanage their stresestress, which becamearises from being futuristic, saving money can have significant benefitbenefits for them.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
In modern times, deposit and money management are one of the important skills for every one including young people to secure rheir future. Some people argue that people should learn to live in moment and enjoy it with out just thinking about future. While, some other people believe that saving money can give discipline in personal and prefesional lives of young people. I agree to some extants with the latter viewpoint, and in this essay I will support my opinion with examples.
In modern times, deposit and money management are essential skills for everyone, including young people, to secure their future. Some people argue that individuals should learn to live in the moment and enjoy life without constantly thinking about the future. Conversely, others believe that saving money instills discipline in the personal and professional lives of young people. I agree to some extent with the latter viewpoint, and in this essay, I will support my opinion with examples.
From one perspective, it is argued by some that saving money and thinking about future can cause losing now, because if people tend to just thinke about future and save mony for it they can become anxious. As a result, people specialy youngest should learn how to live in the moment. A resent study conducted by Cambridge university shows that when people are futuristic and save money for catastrophic incedents, their brine starts the stress metabolic in humen bodys that can cause several reaction on people's cell specially it can increase risk of cardiovascular disease, as a consequent, it not only can cause anxiousness, but also can incrase risk of several biological diseases.
From one perspective, some argue that saving money and focusing on the future can lead to losing sight of the present. If individuals concentrate solely on future savings, they may become anxious. As a result, especially young people should learn how to live in the moment. A recent study conducted by Cambridge University shows that when people are overly future-oriented and save money for potential catastrophic incidents, their brains trigger a stress response in the human body, which can lead to various reactions at the cellular level. This response can particularly increase the risk of cardiovascular disease. Consequently, this not only causes anxiety but also heightens the risk of several biological diseases.
On the flip side, many people holed the view that desposit and mony management are significant effects on future of people, because these skills can give discipline to young people which have undeniable roles in their success. Meanwhile, saving mony for future can help them to deal with unpredictable incident in future. As a result, these skills can increase the probability of their success and gives them a safe future. A tangible example of this is Japan, where the governments have invested on thiching young people about money management and increasing their awerness about the considerable effects of it in their future success, so a growing number of japaneses have remarkebel discipline in their personal and prefesional lives.
On the flip side, many people hold the view that deposit and money management significantly impact individuals' futures because these skills instill discipline in young people, which plays an undeniable role in their success. Moreover, saving money for the future can help them cope with unpredictable incidents. As a result, these skills can enhance their chances of success and provide them with a secure future. A tangible example of this is Japan, where the government has invested in teaching young people about money management and raising their awareness of its considerable effects on future success. Consequently, a growing number of Japanese individuals exhibit remarkable discipline in their personal and professional lives.
All things considered, dispet the fact that being futuristic and save money for it can increase peoples stress level, it has a substantial roles on peoples success with improvement of their discibline. Personaly, I agree with the saving money, but if pople can management their strese, which became from futuristic, saving money can have significant benefit for them.
All things considered, despite the fact that being future-oriented and saving money can increase people's stress levels, it plays a substantial role in their success by improving their discipline. Personally, I advocate for saving money, but if individuals can manage the stress that arises from future planning, saving money can yield significant benefits for them.
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Overall Band Score
5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
weak
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
average
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding the importance of saving money for the future. However, the position could be more clearly stated at the beginning and consistently throughout the essay.
  • Examples and Support: The essay provides examples, such as the study from Cambridge University and the case of Japan, to support the arguments. These examples are relevant but could be more detailed to strengthen the argument further.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Structure and Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a different aspect of the argument. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the negative effects of saving to the positive aspects could be more clearly signposted.
  • Logical Flow: The essay generally follows a logical progression, but some sentences could be better connected to enhance the flow of ideas.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as "money management," "discipline," and "futuristic." However, there are several spelling errors (e.g., "rheir," "prefesional," "incedents") that detract from the overall impression.
  • Word Choice: Some word choices are awkward or incorrect, such as "brine" instead of "brain" and "thiching" instead of "teaching." These errors can confuse the reader and should be corrected.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay includes a variety of sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, "A resent study conducted by Cambridge university shows that when people are futuristic and save money for catastrophic incedents, their brine starts the stress metabolic in humen bodys that can cause several reaction on people's cell specially it can increase risk of cardiovascular disease."
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues, incorrect verb forms, and punctuation mistakes. These errors need to be addressed to improve the readability of the essay.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Clarify Position: Clearly state your position in the introduction and ensure it is consistently supported throughout the essay.
  2. Improve Transitions: Use transitional phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.
  3. Correct Spelling and Grammar: Carefully proofread the essay to correct spelling and grammatical errors. Consider using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from others.
  4. Expand Examples: Provide more detailed examples and explanations to support your arguments, making them more convincing.
  5. Enhance Vocabulary: Work on expanding your vocabulary and using words accurately to convey your ideas more effectively.