Question: In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard ...
Marking Generated by Free AI Models
You are on the free tier, which uses free AI models. They can occasionally be slow, unstable, or temporarily unavailable. Balang Plus uses premium models for faster, more reliable, and higher-quality marking.
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
In recent years, some children were told about they can got any thing could get anythingif they tried hard enough. This trend has brought several advantages and drawbacks. This essay will discuss the benefits such as positive rosyoutlooks and setting goals, as well as it also presents thechallenges, such as disappointeddisappointment and insisting on woringwrong goals. One of the primary benefits of some children being told about they can got any thing could get anythingif they tried hard enough isthe optimisticoptimism and achvingachieving goals. Setting goals and being optimistic are two optionsfactors which playsplay an essential role in everyone's success. For example, by being optimistic in life one can manage tasks effectively,which resultresults in achieving goals. However, some children aboutwere told they can got any thing could get anythingif they tried hard enough. One major drawback is frustrated frustration.By being disappointed and failedfailing to achiveachieve their goals. For example, they can be depressed in some cases, especially those who are emotionally fragile. Furthermore, insisting on woringwrong goals, can result in following what they are talented in, especially for children with enormous goals and they can't ability to achievetheir goals. For example, these kindkinds of children, by being don't achieve for not achievingwhat they were thoughttaught and they managed in life, they feel failing to achive goal achieve goals.Overall, while some children were told about they can got any thing could get anythingif they tried hard enough offers several benefits, such as setting goals. It, it also brings serious drawbacks disappointedlike disappointment. Although the benefits may make children being told about they can got any thing could get anythingif they tried hard enough appealing in certain ways, the disadvantages highlight the need for a balanced approach. To fully address these issues, individuals and policymakers alike must carefully weigh both the positives and negatives, ensuring that children being told about they can got any thing could get anythingif they tried hard enough is used in a way that maximizes benefits while minimizing its adverse effects.
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.
Feedback on the Essay:
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt but lacks clarity and coherence in presenting ideas. The advantages and disadvantages are mentioned, but the arguments are not well-developed or logically structured.
Examples are provided, but they are vague and not effectively linked to the main points. For instance, "optimistic and achieving goals" is unclear, and the example about depression is not well-explained.
The conclusion attempts to summarize the points but repeats phrases awkwardly ("children told about they can got any thing if they tried hard enough") instead of refining the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks logical flow. Sentences are often disjointed, making it difficult to follow the argument.
Repetition of phrases ("some children told about they can got any thing if they tried hard enough") weakens cohesion.
Paragraph structure is unclear. Some ideas are crammed together without proper transitions.
Some phrases are awkwardly constructed (e.g., "insisting on woring goals," "they can't ability to their goals").
Limited range of vocabulary; the same ideas are repeated without variation.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Many grammatical errors affect meaning (e.g., "some children told about they can got any thing" should be "children are told they can achieve anything").
Incorrect verb forms ("tried hard enough is the optimistic," "they can got").
Sentence structure is often faulty (e.g., "By being disappointed and failed to achive their goals" lacks subject-verb agreement).
Punctuation errors (missing commas, incorrect capitalization) further hinder readability.
Suggestions for Improvement
Clarify Ideas: Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea with supporting explanations.
Improve Grammar & Vocabulary: Review basic sentence structure and word choice to avoid awkward phrasing.
Enhance Cohesion: Use linking words (e.g., "Furthermore," "However") to connect ideas logically.
Proofread: Correct spelling and grammatical mistakes to improve clarity.
Refine Examples: Provide specific, well-explained examples to strengthen arguments.
The essay has potential but requires significant revision for coherence, grammar, and vocabulary accuracy.