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Question: Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subj...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
No one can deny the paramount importance of education. A debate has emerged about whether students should be focused just on their main subjects rather than studying other subjects. I argue that the positive consequences of learning other subjects beside your main one, particularly in terms of personal development and social impacts, far outweigh the drawbacks, making it a largely beneficial approach. On the one hand, many opponents claim that a number of disadvantages are associated with this strategy. They believe that students cannot understand their core subjects due to the fact that they have to spend a vast amount of time toon other lessons. Consequently, they will be faced with many hardships in the future, especially when they want to address a project related to their expertise, owing to a lack of enough knowledge that rooted instems from the fact that they do not dedicate time to core courses. Moreover, a growing body of research indicates that focusing inon multiple subjects often comes with unsuitable results. WhichThis is why, scientists have proposed that students thatwho learn many subjects at the same time can be on a reckless mission. On the other hand, numerous proponents assert this is a thoughthought-provoking idea that could lead to many benefits. For example, through studying various lessonssubjects, students show a better performance in their main subjects. A poignant example can be found in a survey conducted in Japan, which revealed that those students who opt for this approach can achieve better markmarks in their exams. Furthermore, by learning another subject along with the main one, students become multidimensional, increasing their employability. Thus, this underscores the long-lasting personal and social advantages of prioritizingprioritising learning additional courses beside the core course. In conclusion, concentrating just on core subjects by students is thought by some to be the best strategy,; many declare that it can be beneficial that theyfor them to have knowledge of other subjects. I firmly believe that the multitude of benefits derived from this approach can pave the way for students to have a bright future, especially to securein securing a job .
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
No one can deny the paramount importance of education. A debate has emerged about whether students should be focused just on their main subjects rather than studying other subjects. I argue that the positive consequences of learning other subjects beside your main one, particularly in terms of personal development and social impacts, far outweigh the drawbacks, making it a largely beneficial approach.
No one can deny the paramount importance of education. A debate has emerged about whether students should focus solely on their main subjects rather than studying additional subjects. I argue that the positive consequences of learning subjects beyond one's main focus, particularly in terms of personal development and social impact, far outweigh the drawbacks, making it a largely beneficial approach.
On the one hand, many opponents claim that a number of disadvantages are associated with this strategy. They believe that students cannot understand their core subjects due to the fact that they have to spend a vast amount of time to other lessons. Consequently, they will be faced with many hardships in the future, especially when they want to address a project related to their expertise, owing to lack of enough knowledge that rooted in that they do not dedicate time to core courses. Moreover, a growing body of research indicates that focusing in multiple subjects often comes with unsuitable results. Which is why, scientists have proposed students that learn many subjects at the same time can be a reckless mission.
On the one hand, many opponents claim that there are several disadvantages associated with this strategy. They believe that students may struggle to grasp their core subjects because they must allocate a significant amount of time to other lessons. Consequently, they may face challenges in the future, especially when they need to undertake projects related to their expertise, due to a lack of sufficient knowledge stemming from not dedicating enough time to core courses. Moreover, a growing body of research indicates that focusing on multiple subjects often yields suboptimal results. This is why some experts argue that having students learn many subjects simultaneously can be a reckless endeavor.
On the other hand, numerous proponents assert this is a though-provoking idea that could lead to many benefits. For example, through studying various lessons students show a better performance in their main subjects. A poignant example can be found in a survey conducted in Japan, which revealed that those students who opt for this approach can achieve better mark in their exams. Furthermore, by learning another subject along with main one students become multidimensional, increasing their employability. Thus, this underscores the long-lasting personal and social advantages of prioritizing learning additional courses beside the core course.
On the other hand, numerous proponents assert that this is a thought-provoking idea that could lead to many benefits. For example, by studying various subjects, students often demonstrate improved performance in their main areas of study. A poignant example can be found in a survey conducted in Japan, which revealed that students who adopt this approach tend to achieve better marks in their exams. Furthermore, by learning an additional subject alongside their main one, students become more well-rounded, thereby increasing their employability. Thus, this underscores the long-lasting personal and social advantages of prioritizing the learning of additional courses alongside core subjects.
In conclusion, concentrating just on core subjects by students is thought by some to be the best strategy, many declare that it can be beneficial that they have knowledge of other subjects. I firmly believe that the multitude of benefits derived from this approach can pave the way for students to have a bright future especially to secure job
In conclusion, while some believe that concentrating solely on core subjects is the best strategy for students, many argue that having knowledge of other subjects can be beneficial. I firmly believe that the multitude of benefits derived from this approach can pave the way for students to secure a bright future, particularly in terms of employment opportunities.
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Overall Band Score
6.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
strong
Linking Words
average
Spelling
strong
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Task Achievement

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether university students should focus solely on their main subjects or also learn about other subjects. The writer provides a clear opinion, arguing in favor of learning additional subjects. However, the conclusion could be more explicit in summarizing the main points discussed in the body paragraphs. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion by providing more specific examples or evidence for the drawbacks of studying multiple subjects.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The use of linking words and phrases such as "on the one hand," "on the other hand," and "in conclusion" helps to guide the reader through the argument. However, some sentences could be more cohesive. For example, the sentence "Which is why, scientists have proposed students that learn many subjects at the same time can be a reckless mission" could be better integrated into the preceding sentence for improved flow.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some sophisticated word choices such as "paramount," "reckless mission," and "multidimensional." However, there are occasional awkward or incorrect word choices, such as "though-provoking" instead of "thought-provoking." Additionally, some phrases could be more precise, such as "a number of disadvantages are associated with this strategy," which could be more specific about what those disadvantages are.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

The essay shows a variety of sentence structures, which enhances readability. However, there are several grammatical errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, "due to the fact that they have to spend a vast amount of time to other lessons" should be "on other lessons," and "can achieve better mark" should be "can achieve better marks." Additionally, some sentences are overly complex and could be simplified for clarity.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Task Achievement: Provide more specific examples or evidence for both sides of the argument to strengthen the discussion.
  2. Coherence and Cohesion: Ensure that all sentences within a paragraph are well-connected and contribute to the main idea.
  3. Lexical Resource: Review word choices for accuracy and appropriateness, and aim for more precise language.
  4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Pay attention to grammatical errors and simplify overly complex sentences for clarity.

Overall, the essay presents a clear argument and is well-structured, but it could benefit from more detailed examples, improved cohesion, and careful proofreading to correct grammatical errors.