Question: Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which cause many h...
Marking Generated by Free AI Models
You are on the free tier, which uses free AI models. They can occasionally be slow, unstable, or temporarily unavailable. Balang Plus uses premium models for faster, more reliable, and higher-quality marking.
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Nowadays, various health issues inamong the public are caused by the high rate of sugar content in manufactured food and drinks. Some argue that the best method to avoid these problems is for governments to increase the prices of these kinds of food and drink. While I agree that manufactured foods and drinks have direct effects on health problems, I believe that there are more alternative measures that governments can take to address this situation.
On the one hand, it is true that processed food and drink have fewer nutrients than domestichomemade meals; in fact, these types of foods often contain significant levels of sugar. Therefore, manufactured food and drink play a crucial role in increasing diseases, such as diabetes. They are always part of people’s diets regardless of age andor gender, like a child taking packaged cakes every day to school, or adults consuming ready-made drinks. Moreover, obesity and a sedentary lifestyle are other drawbacks. For example, children have an obsession with eating ice creamscream, chocolates, and sodas; as a result, in adulthood they might face those problems besidesalongside the health issues.
On the other hand, while others advocate for higher prices of factory-made products to discourage people discourage from purchasing them, in my opinion, there are more productive methods that can be used by governments. Firstly, raising public awareness about the problems through advertisements in talk shows or on social media platforms. Additionally, the government can take an important step through its educational system, which directly has an essential impact on children. Mostly, teachers are the greatest role models for their students. Finally, the health system makes a significant contribution in this matter. For instance, doctors and nurses can educate patients about their well-being, encouraging them to monitor their diets more closely.
In conclusion, processed food and drink products have detrimental effects on human health due to their considerable amounts of sugarssugar. Some people consider that individuals will be less attracted to these kinds of products, if governments introduce laws to increase their prices. Although I completely agree with the health issues, such as diabetes and obesity, I disagree with this solution. In my view, governments can tackle this problem through the educational and health systems.
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.
Feedback on the Essay
Task Achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position (partial agreement) and supporting it with relevant arguments.
The introduction clearly states the writer’s stance, and the body paragraphs develop the argument logically.
Examples (e.g., children consuming packaged cakes, adults drinking ready-made beverages) strengthen the discussion.
The conclusion restates the position coherently but could be slightly more concise.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well-structured with clear paragraphing (introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion).
Transitional phrases ("On the one hand," "On the other hand," "Moreover," "Finally") enhance readability.
Some sentences could be more tightly connected for smoother flow (e.g., the shift between discussing health problems and alternative solutions could be smoother).
Lexical Resource
A good range of vocabulary is used (e.g., "detrimental effects," "sedentary lifestyle," "advocate," "productive methods").
Some repetition occurs (e.g., "manufactured food and drink" could be varied with "processed foods," "sugary products").
A few word choices could be more precise (e.g., "domestic meals" might be better as "home-cooked meals").
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The grammar is mostly accurate, with only minor errors (e.g., "people discourage from purchasing" should be "discourage people from purchasing").
A mix of complex and simple sentence structures is used effectively.
Some sentences could be more concise (e.g., "They are always part of people’s diets regardless of age and gender" could be tightened).
Suggestions for Improvement
Vary Vocabulary: Replace repeated phrases with synonyms (e.g., "processed foods" instead of "manufactured food and drink").
Improve Sentence Flow: Ensure smoother transitions between ideas, especially when shifting from problems to solutions.
Conciseness: Some sentences are slightly wordy; trimming them would improve clarity (e.g., "Finally, the health system makes a significant contribution in this matter" could be "Finally, healthcare professionals can also play a role").
Grammar Refinement: Minor grammatical errors should be corrected (e.g., "people discourage from purchasing" → "discourage people from purchasing").
Overall, this is a well-developed essay with a strong argument. With slight refinements in vocabulary, cohesion, and conciseness, it could be even more effective.