Question: Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. O...
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Modern life have had hasestablished such strong changechanges in human life that nobody atin the past was not able to imagine it. Advertisement is one of the most powerful of them, the importance of which its importance isnot conceals forconcealed from people. This newborn phenomenon havehas had a lot of applications in life and can create various lifestylelifestyles, and during thetheir lifetime, some people are influenced by the extremely persuadingpersuasive impact of advertising and anything that it offers, while the others' behavior behaviour is casual and apathetic and do not listen to these.
In fact, advertising playplays a vital role in modern society. InOn one hand, the rapid speed of enormous and various productions by factories’ need needs to extend the market, and inat this time; just, only ads can identify their productionproducts to buyers. For example, entering toa big mall or small store is associated bywith numerous goods withfrom different brands, which every have each with its own quality, and speciallyespecially advertisement will help to glazeattract attention. On the other hand, adads cause to posse competition between producerproducers, and this fight can have such extreme power which change individualthat it changes individuals’s tastes and will act actsas a force for them to improve production’s quality.
Despite the importance of this human’s creature creation, there are lotmany advantages and disadvantages that, withoutadequate educationseducation, societies' shopping culture will be move to towards being customaries thatcustomary, which can be harmful. EnvironmentEnvironmental damage, increasing pollution, and industrial changes are some of these dangerousdangers for featurethe future. During thesethis competition between persuadingpersuasive advertising orand not, there are personsindividuals who prefer not to do not listen to ad sounds and want to continue a typical life. In fact, the calmlife andshopping according to necessary needs is their slangs .slang.They used to apply advertisement use advertisementsjust forto introduce new and qualified things and let others continue their unsustainable lifelives.
In conclusion, however, advertising the position notof advertising is undeniable, we should access theits positive approach of it aspectsand finally just let it to introduce notrather than control us.
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Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on advertising and provides an opinion. However, the argument could be more clearly articulated. The essay lacks a clear thesis statement that outlines the writer's stance on the issue.
The examples provided, such as entering a mall or store, are relevant but could be more specific to strengthen the argument.
The conclusion attempts to summarize the discussion but could be more decisive in stating the writer's opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay's structure is somewhat disorganized, making it difficult to follow the argument. Clear paragraphing with topic sentences would improve the flow.
Transitions between ideas and paragraphs are weak. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
The essay would benefit from a clearer introduction and conclusion, with the introduction setting up the discussion and the conclusion summarizing the key points and the writer's opinion.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is varied, but there are several instances of incorrect word choice and awkward phrasing (e.g., "glaze" instead of "glance," "posse competition" instead of "foster competition").
Some expressions are unclear or incorrect, such as "human’s creature" and "slangs." Aim for more precise and accurate language use.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are numerous grammatical errors throughout the essay, including subject-verb agreement issues ("Modern life have had," "this newborn phenomenon have had"), incorrect verb forms, and sentence fragments.
Sentence structures are often awkward and unclear, which affects the overall readability of the essay. Aim to use a mix of simple and complex sentences, ensuring they are grammatically correct.
Pay attention to punctuation, as there are several missing or misplaced commas and periods.
Recommendations
Revise the essay to include a clear thesis statement in the introduction.
Organize the essay into clear paragraphs with topic sentences and supporting details.
Use more specific examples to support your arguments.
Improve grammatical accuracy by reviewing subject-verb agreement, verb forms, and sentence structure.
Enhance coherence by using appropriate linking words and phrases to connect ideas.