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Question: In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
These days, Busisinessbusinesses in their promptingmarketing and advertising highliteshighlight some featursfeatures of their products like newlyas new and up-to-date due to the customer preferences for choosing newstnew things. I believe that, this is a positive advancmentadvancement because of the economical engancementeconomic enhancement. To begin with causes, Thethe main reason for emphasizingemphasising products as the latest is that, customers usually prefer the newest one. This is because businesses try to improve their prodoctsproducts and eleminateeliminate the bugs. So they are often more advanced. For instance, Apple company constantly upgardes theirupgrades its products, especially theirits smartphones. some, with features like battrybattery life and screen quality. asAs a result, because they become more alignaligned with their customercustomers's needs. Then it can boost increases their salesales rate. In my view, Itit is a positive advandmentadvancement because it ecourages campaniesencourages companies and businesses to develpedevelop their goods effecientlyefficiently to attract the attention of customers. This happneshappens because they souldshould compete to competitirswith competitors for producing the newest models. this cometitionThis competition can lead to innovative designs and feature. Whichfeatures, which can lead to economic growth for the country. forFor example, technolgy companistechnology companies like sumsungSamsung and nokiaNokia try to use the up-to-date and cutting -edge features in their products. so theisSo this approach may resultsresult in high-quality products if they want to win in this competition. In conclusion, due to the customer demand, businesses try to intruduceintroduce their products to audiences. In my opinion, the positive developments are significantly far more greater than the negatives.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
These days, Busisiness in their prompting and advertising highlites some featurs of their products like newly and up-to-date due to the customer preferences for choosing newst things. I believe that, this is a positive advancment because of the economical engancement. To begin with causes, The main reason for emphasizing products as the latest is that, customers usually prefer the newest one . This is because businesses try to improve their prodocts and eleminate the bugs. So they are often more advanced. For instance, Apple company constantly upgardes their products especially their smartphones. some features like battry life and screen quality. as a result because they become more align with their customer's needs. Then it can boost increases their sale rate. In my view, It is a positive advandment because it ecourages campanies and businesses to develpe their goods effeciently to attract the attention of customers. This happnes because they sould compete to competitirs for producing the newest models. this cometition can lead to innovative designs and feature. Which can lead to economic growth for the country. for example, technolgy companis like sumsung and nokia try to use the up-to-date and cutting edge features in their products. so theis approach may results in high-quality products if they want to win in this competition. In conclusion, due to the customer demand businesses try to intruduce their products to audiences. In my opinion, the positive developments are significantly far more than negatives .
Here is a corrected and optimized version of your essay: --- In today's market, businesses often highlight certain features of their products, emphasizing that they are new and up-to-date in response to customer preferences for the latest innovations. I believe this trend represents a positive advancement due to its contribution to economic growth. To begin with, the primary reason for emphasizing products as the latest is that customers typically prefer the newest options available. Businesses strive to improve their products and eliminate any flaws, resulting in offerings that are often more advanced. For instance, Apple consistently upgrades its products, particularly its smartphones, enhancing features such as battery life and screen quality. As a result, these improvements align more closely with customer needs, which can significantly boost their sales rates. In my view, this trend is a positive development because it encourages companies to efficiently develop their goods in order to attract customer attention. This occurs as businesses compete with one another to produce the latest models. Such competition can lead to innovative designs and features, ultimately contributing to economic growth within the country. For example, technology companies like Samsung and Nokia strive to incorporate cutting-edge features into their products, and this approach can result in high-quality offerings that help them succeed in a competitive market. In conclusion, due to customer demand, businesses are motivated to introduce their products to the public. In my opinion, the positive developments stemming from this trend far outweigh any negatives. --- This revised version corrects grammatical errors, improves clarity, and enhances the overall coherence of your argument, which should help you achieve a higher score in proficiency tests like the IELTS.
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Overall Band Score
5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
weak
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
average
Word Count
insufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing why businesses emphasize new features in their advertising and provides an opinion on whether this is a positive or negative development. However, the response could be more detailed, particularly in explaining why this trend is positive.
  • Ideas and Examples: The essay provides examples, such as Apple and Samsung, to support the points made. However, these examples could be expanded upon to provide a clearer connection to the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is organized into paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing customer preferences to economic growth could be more clearly articulated.
  • Cohesion: Use of cohesive devices is present but could be improved. Phrases like "as a result" and "for example" are used, but more varied linking words and phrases could enhance the flow of the essay.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to business and technology, such as "up-to-date," "cutting edge," and "innovative designs." However, there are several spelling errors (e.g., "Busisiness," "highlites," "prodocts") that detract from the overall impression.
  • Word Choice: Some word choices are awkward or incorrect, such as "newly" instead of "new" and "advandment" instead of "advancement." Careful proofreading could help correct these issues.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentences. However, some sentences are fragmented or lack proper punctuation, such as "some features like battry life and screen quality. as a result because they become more align with their customer's needs."
  • Grammar: There are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect verb forms (e.g., "try to improve their prodocts and eleminate the bugs"). These errors can obscure meaning and should be addressed.

Overall Suggestions

  • Proofreading: Careful proofreading is necessary to correct spelling and grammatical errors. This will improve clarity and readability.
  • Expansion of Ideas: Provide more detailed explanations and examples to support the argument. This will strengthen the essay's persuasiveness.
  • Cohesion and Coherence: Work on improving the flow of ideas by using a wider range of linking words and ensuring logical progression between points.

By addressing these areas, the essay can be significantly improved in terms of clarity, coherence, and overall effectiveness.