Question: Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.
Why is this the case? Do you t...
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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.
Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
It is true that, nowadays, children spend a significant amount of their daily time on digital gadgets like smartphones. I believe this trend havehas a negative impact on their children, and Inin this essay, I will explore the causecauses of that.
To begin with the causes, one of the major reasons is that smartphones often offer a wider range of options to them as forentertainment, such as: online video games, cartoons, animations, and storybooks. These programprogrammes, because of their innovative designs, are interesting and appealing forto them. For instance, a child can easy has an easy easily haveaccess to various games just via clickby clicking on the bottombutton or simply search it.searching for them, which in reality may not have many options for playing gamegames. Additionally, parentparents these days, due to their demanding and tight schedules, do not have sufficient time to spending time spendwith thiertheir children. Consequently, they prefferprefer to keep bust them busy through smartphones.
In my view, this approchapproach has numrousnumerous harmful effects on children, both physically and mentally. This is because when they lookinglook at screenscreens frequently and for long timeperiods, thiertheir eyes can become weekweak or even headacklead to headaches. What's more, it can impact on their social skills in the long term. toTo illustrate, when a kid allocateallocates a majority of their time to screens, they lose their interest toin engaging in group games or spending time with their friends in reality. thisThis is because online games provide them with more intresting activityinteresting activities. finallyFinally, spending time too much time on online applications inon digital devices limitlimits their activity byto just sitting down and clicking and scorllingscrolling on screenscreens, which can leadslead to obesity due to a lack of movementsmovement and physical activities.In conclusion, various reasons can contribute to children engaging children many timetimes on their smartphones, such as captivating apps and being convenience. In my view, while it havehas potential effectsbenefits, their detrimental impactaimpacts are more significant.
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Task Achievement
Addressing the Prompt: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing why children spend hours on smartphones and evaluating whether this is a positive or negative development. However, the essay could benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that directly answers both parts of the question.
Development of Ideas: The essay provides reasons for children's smartphone usage and discusses the negative impacts. However, the explanation of these points could be more detailed. For instance, the essay could include more specific examples or data to support the claims about the negative effects on physical and mental health.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organization: The essay is organized into paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing causes to effects could be more explicit.
Cohesive Devices: The use of cohesive devices is somewhat inconsistent. Phrases like "to begin with" and "in conclusion" are used, but other transitions between sentences and ideas could be improved for better flow.
Lexical Resource
Range of Vocabulary: The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as "digital gadgets," "innovative designs," and "social skills." However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as "spending time," which could be varied.
Accuracy: There are several spelling and word choice errors, such as "week" instead of "weak," "headack" instead of "headache," and "intresting" instead of "interesting." These errors can detract from the clarity of the essay.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence Structure: The essay includes a mix of simple and complex sentences. However, some sentences are awkwardly structured or contain grammatical errors, such as "I believe this trend have a negative impact on their children" and "a child can easy has an easy access."
Grammar: There are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ("this trend have" should be "this trend has") and incorrect verb forms ("spending" should be "spend" in "time to spending time").
Suggestions for Improvement
Thesis Statement: Clearly state your position on whether the development is positive or negative in the introduction.
Support and Examples: Provide more detailed examples or data to support your points about the negative impacts of smartphone usage.
Transitions: Use more cohesive devices to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
Vocabulary and Spelling: Vary your vocabulary and check for spelling errors to enhance clarity.
Grammar: Review subject-verb agreement and sentence structure to improve grammatical accuracy. Consider using grammar-checking tools or resources to identify and correct errors.
By addressing these areas, the essay can be more coherent, persuasive, and aligned with the IELTS writing criteria.