Question: Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines...
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In the contemporary era, the phenomenon of health has witnessed an unprecedented surge, reflecting a significant shift in people's habits. A debate has emerged among individuals about whether using new medicines and treatments can be effective or not, rather than going to a doctor. I argue that the adverse repercussions of alternative curative methods, particularly in terms of health problems and dangerous risks, far outweigh the benefits, making it a largely harmful breakthrough.On the one hand, many proponents claim that these methods are much more affordable than itstheir traditional onescounterparts, resulting in saving a vast amount of money for other essential needs of life. Moreover, it is argued that they can meet the deliverresults faster as opposed to the time they gospent going to the physicians.On the other hand, numerous opponents contend that using medicines and treatments without the opinion of experts leads to dire consequences, affecting not only physical health but also the mental health of consumers. They believe that if citizens are able to treat one problemsproblem, as a result of trying this approach, they will be faced with other hardships, which is why they warn individuals not to do not use options like this. A poignant example of this can be found in a survey conducted in Japan, which revealed that cardiovascular disease and renal failure problems onamong those people thatwho decided to try new solutions rather than opt for visiting doctors.In conclusion, although utilizing alternative medicines and treatments is thought by some to be one of the most effectiveseffective means of to solve solvingwell-being difficulties, a large number of researchers declare that it is an overly simplistic resolution. They concernare concerned that this way of facing health issues may lead to other health problems while the initial hurdle is existstill exists. I firmly believe that the multitude of drawbacks derived from this approach that make makesit detrimental instead of beneficial.
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Feedback on Your Essay
Task Achievement
Strengths:
You addressed the prompt directly, presenting a clear stance (negative development) and supporting it with arguments.
The essay is well-structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
You provided an example (Japan survey) to support your argument, which strengthens your position.
Areas for Improvement:
Some ideas could be more developed and clarified. For instance, the example from Japan is useful but lacks specific details (e.g., statistics or a credible source).
The conclusion could be more concise—it repeats ideas from the body paragraphs without adding new insights.
Grammar and word choice issues (e.g., "health has witnessed an unprecedented surge" is unclear—do you mean "health concerns"?) affect clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strengths:
The essay follows a logical structure, with clear topic sentences in each paragraph.
Transition words ("On the one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion") help guide the reader.
Areas for Improvement:
Some sentences are awkwardly phrased, making them hard to follow (e.g., "the phenomenon of health has witnessed an unprecedented surge").
Repetition of ideas (e.g., "health problems" is mentioned multiple times without variation).
Pronoun clarity: "its traditional ones" (paragraph 2) should be "their traditional counterparts" for better flow.
Lexical Resource
Strengths:
You use a varied vocabulary (e.g., "adverse repercussions," "poignant example," "dire consequences").
Some academic phrasing ("proponents," "opponents") is used effectively.
Areas for Improvement:
Word choice errors (e.g., "breakthrough" is misused—it should be "trend" or "development").
Unnatural phrasing: "one problems" (should be "one problem"), "effectives means of to solve" (should be "effective means of solving").
Overly complex sentences sometimes reduce clarity (e.g., "the initial hurdle is exist" should be "the initial hurdle persists").
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Strengths:
You attempt complex sentence structures, which is good for a higher score.
Some correct use of tenses and clauses (e.g., "if citizens are able to treat one problem...").
Areas for Improvement:
Subject-verb agreement errors: "health has witnessed" (should be "health issues have witnessed").
Article misuse: "a survey conducted in Japan" is correct, but "one problems" is incorrect.
Incorrect prepositions: "as opposed the time" should be "as opposed to the time."
Verb tense issues: "the initial hurdle is exist" should be "the initial hurdle exists."
Suggestions for Improvement
Clarify and refine ideas—avoid vague statements (e.g., "unprecedented surge in health").
Proofread for grammar and word choice—simplify where necessary.
Add more specific examples (e.g., name a type of alternative medicine and its risks).
Avoid repetition—use synonyms (e.g., "detrimental" instead of "harmful").
Make the conclusion more impactful—summarize key points without repeating them.
Overall, your essay has a strong argument and structure but would benefit from clearer expression and more precise language. Keep practicing!