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Question: Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subj...

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While some people argue that they have sufficient potential to study two majors simultaneously in order to enhance their ability and insight, others assert that this approach will only lead to distraction and deficiency. I believe, although both perspectives ultimately, value the spirit of education, both of them have their valid claims. On one hand, studying two majors can be really frustrating and exhausting for most; however, there are still many ingenious and innovative students who can study two fields withouthwithout losing any concentration. In this case, when students are able to learn from a broader source, consequently they will be able to have a wider view on subjects in comparisioncomparison to others. For example, if you tend to pursue attention components of the brain, you will need neuro-cognitive science besides psychology due to the necessity of working with special equipment and computer programs. On the other hand, from the perspective of choosing quality over quantity, many advocate for only one main subject to study. They argue that concentration is the essential key to learning profoundly and to reach this goal, one should discard all the distractions and follow just the pivotal waypath. Specialising in every single field takes several hours of studying and hard work. Studying multiple subjects might increase your general knowledge efficiently; however, it would not assist you toin achieving the highest qualification measures. In conclusion, it depends on one's educational potential whether to study aone major or two. While I acknowledge the value of concentrated studying, I firmly believe that with the growth of interdisciplinary studies, the need for knowing other fields becomes more essential every day.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
While some people argue that they have sufficient potential to study two majors simultaneously in order to enhance their ability and insight, others assert that this approach will only lead to distraction and deficiency. I believe, although both perspectives ultimately, value the spirit of education both of them have their valid claims.
While some people argue that they have sufficient potential to study two majors simultaneously in order to enhance their abilities and insights, others assert that this approach will only lead to distraction and deficiency. I believe that, although both perspectives ultimately value the spirit of education, each has its valid claims.
On one hand, studying two majors can be really frustrating and exhausting for most; however, there are still many ingenious and innovative students who can study two fields withouth losing any concentration. In this case, when students are able to learn from a broader source, consequently they will be able to have a wider view on subjects in comparision to others. For example, if you tend to pursue attention components of the brain, you will need neuro-cognitive science besides psychology due to the necessity of working with special equipment and computer programs.
On one hand, studying two majors can be frustrating and exhausting for many; however, there are still many ingenious and innovative students who can manage to study two fields without losing focus. In such cases, when students are able to learn from a broader range of sources, they consequently develop a wider perspective on subjects compared to others. For example, if one intends to pursue the attention components of the brain, they will need knowledge of neuro-cognitive science in addition to psychology, due to the necessity of working with specialized equipment and computer programs.
On the other hand, from the perspective of choosing quality over quantity, many advocate for only one main subject to study. They argue that concentration is the essential key to learning profoundly and to reach this goal, one should discard all the distractions and follow just the pivotal way. Specialising in every single field takes several hours of studying and hard work. Studying multiple subjects might increase your general knowledge efficiently; however, it would not assist you to the highest qualification measures.
On the other hand, from the perspective of prioritizing quality over quantity, many advocate for focusing on only one main subject. They argue that concentration is the essential key to profound learning, and to achieve this goal, one should eliminate distractions and follow a singular path. Specializing in a specific field requires several hours of study and hard work. While studying multiple subjects may increase general knowledge efficiently, it may not lead to the highest qualifications in a particular area.
In conclusion, it depends on one's educational potential whether to study a major or two. While I acknowledge the value of concentrated studying, I firmly believe that with the growth of interdisciplinary studies, the need for knowing other fields becomes more essential every day.
In conclusion, the decision to study one major or two depends on an individual's educational potential. While I acknowledge the value of concentrated study, I firmly believe that with the growth of interdisciplinary studies, the need to understand other fields becomes increasingly essential every day.
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Overall Band Score
7
Overview
Vocabulary Range
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Task Achievement

  • Strengths: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether university students should focus solely on their main subject or explore additional subjects. It also provides a clear opinion in the conclusion.
  • Areas for Improvement: The essay could benefit from more specific examples or evidence to support the claims made. For instance, mentioning specific fields or studies that have benefited from interdisciplinary approaches could strengthen the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Strengths: The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint, and a conclusion that summarizes the writer's opinion.
  • Areas for Improvement: Transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of studying two majors to the drawbacks could be more clearly articulated. Additionally, the essay could benefit from more cohesive devices to link ideas within paragraphs.

Lexical Resource

  • Strengths: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, such as "ingenious," "innovative," "interdisciplinary," and "neuro-cognitive science."
  • Areas for Improvement: There are a few spelling errors, such as "withouth" (without) and "comparision" (comparison). Attention to these details would enhance the lexical accuracy.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Strengths: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds to the complexity and interest of the writing.
  • Areas for Improvement: There are some grammatical inaccuracies, such as "both perspectives ultimately, value" (the comma is misplaced) and "Specialising in every single field takes several hours of studying and hard work" (this sentence could be clearer if rephrased). Ensuring subject-verb agreement and correct punctuation would improve grammatical accuracy.

Overall, the essay presents a balanced discussion of the topic and provides a clear opinion. With more specific examples, improved transitions, and attention to language accuracy, the response could be further strengthened.