Question: Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines...
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There is an ongoing debate about whether it is better to take care of ourselves when we are sick and use from housemade homemadetreatments, or we have to shouldsee doctors and ask for their counsoaltscounsel.In today's digital era, everybody has an easy access to a sheer numberamount of information through the internet and social platforms. Besides that, people's awarenesses have been awareness hasincreased over the passedpast decades. The more people recievereceive higher education degrees, the more knowledgableknowledgeable they are about different categories, including medical treatments and medicines. Moreover, people learn from their expriances,experiences; for instance, every individual gets a cold several times a year, and based on the previous expriencesexperiences, they are aware that medical doctors usually offer the same medicines for some sortcertain types of colds, so they prefer to use their own treatments.Opposed that,
On the other hand, others believe that, firstly, alternative medicines and treatments are not an intellectualintelligent way to treat ourselfsourselves. They refer to developing countries whichwhere, because of uncontroleduncontrolled usage of antibiotics, the resistance against antibioticantibiotics has been increased in their bodies, and it is a terrible implicationconsequence of their wrong behavioursbehaviour. Secondly, alternative medicines may be effective in some cases, but they could have medical interferencesinteractions with other kinds of drugdrugs, and consequently, itthis could lead to undeniable hurtsharm.From my perspective, every person is responsible for the health of the community, which is consisted consistsof us, and the way we act has a direct and indirect impacts on the further futuregenerations. We have to shouldvisit doctors whenever it is needednecessary and use doctors' updated knowledge to recievereceive the best medication.
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Feedback on Your Essay
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and presents both sides of the argument (alternative medicine vs. conventional doctors). However, the introduction could be clearer in stating your position.
Some points are underdeveloped, such as the claim that "people learn from their experiences" with colds—this could be expanded with more concrete examples or evidence.
The conclusion is strong, but the main argument could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure (introduction, body paragraphs, conclusion), but some sentences are awkwardly phrased, making the flow less smooth.
Transition words (e.g., "Opposed that," "Moreover," "Secondly") are used, but some are incorrect or unnatural (e.g., "Opposed that" should be "On the other hand").
Some ideas are not clearly linked—for example, the shift from education levels to personal experience with colds is abrupt.
Lexical Resource
There are several spelling and word choice errors (e.g., "counsoalts" → "counsel," "expriances" → "experiences," "implication" → "consequence").
Some phrases are unnatural (e.g., "housemade treatments," "medical interferences").
The range of vocabulary is decent, but more precise and academic word choices would improve clarity.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are frequent grammatical errors, including:
Subject-verb agreement ("people awarenesses have been increased" → "people's awareness has increased").
Incorrect prepositions ("easy access to sheer number of information" → "easy access to a vast amount of information").
Article misuse ("the resistance against antibiotic" → "resistance to antibiotics").
Tense errors ("the passed decades" → "the past decades").
Sentence structure is sometimes unclear or fragmented (e.g., "the health of the community which is consisted of us").
Suggestions for Improvement
Clarify your thesis in the introduction—state whether you think the trend is positive or negative.
Expand on key points with more examples or explanations (e.g., why alternative medicine might be risky).
Improve transitions between ideas for better flow.
Proofread carefully to correct grammar, spelling, and word choice errors.
Use more formal and precise vocabulary (e.g., "self-treatment" instead of "housemade treatments").
With these adjustments, your essay will be clearer, more cohesive, and more persuasive. Keep practicing!