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Question: Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. O...

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There have been competing views on whether advertisement persuades people successfully or whether it is sotoo common to attract people. In my opinion, advertisements are not as provocativeeffective as before in grabbing customers' attention. Some people argue that cutting-edge technology has increased brand awareness. For example, ordinary people can advertise their products viaon Instagram, but this possibility was not available a few years ago, and they had to pay for an advertisementadvertisements. Additionally, celebrity endorsements influence people's decisions to purchase even shampoo. For instance, a shampoo called Clear was advertisedendorsed by Cristiano Ronaldo, and an increasing number of people are still usinguse this brand. SoThus, celebrity endorsement has been an effective form of persuasion recently. Those on the other side of the argument believe that an increasing number of advertisements have bombarded individuals in recent years. People are bored with repetitive advertising on YouTube and believefeel that advertisement spoilsadvertisements disrupt the flow while they are watching a video. When people are engrossed in a video clip, then a pop-up pauses it, and they will skip the advertisement with no thought without hesitation to watch the rest of continue watching the program. SoTherefore, publicizingadvertising hasn't found a successful way to attract customers. Furthermore, many companies don’t apply creativity to publicizepromote a product, so people are less inclined to watch an advertisement that justmerely introduces the features of a product. To conclude, considering both views on whether advertising is still convincing or not, I reckonbelieve that advertising is not only unattractive but also frustrating, because companies opt forrely on passive ways to convince people to purchase.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
There have been competing views on whether advertisement persuades people successfully or whether it is so common to attract people. In my opinion, advertisements are not as provocative as before in grabbing customers' attention.
There are competing views regarding whether advertising successfully persuades people or has become too commonplace to be effective. In my opinion, advertisements are no longer as compelling as they once were in capturing consumers' attention.
Some people argue that cutting-edge technology has increased brand awareness. For example, ordinary people can advertise their products via Instagram but this possibility was not available a few years ago and they had to pay for an advertisement. Additionally, celebrity endorsements influence people's decisions to purchase even shampoo. For instance, a shampoo called Clear was advertised by Cristiano Ronaldo and an increasing number of people are still using this brand. So, celebrity endorsement has been an effective form of persuasion recently.
Some argue that modern technology has enhanced brand awareness significantly. For instance, individuals can now promote products through platforms like Instagram, an opportunity that was unavailable years ago when paid advertisements were the only option. Additionally, celebrity endorsements continue to influence purchasing decisions. For example, Cristiano Ronaldo’s promotion of Clear shampoo led to a surge in its popularity, demonstrating that such endorsements remain persuasive.
Those on the other side of the argument believe that an increasing number of advertisements have bombarded individuals in recent years. People are bored with repetitive advertising on YouTube and believe that advertisement spoils the flow while they are watching a video. When people are engrossed in a video clip then a pop-up pauses it and they will skip the advertisement with no thought to watch the rest of the program. So, publicizing hasn't found a successful way to attract customers. Furthermore, many companies don’t apply creativity to publicize a product, so people are less inclined to watch an advertisement that just introduces the features of a product.
However, others contend that the sheer volume of advertisements has overwhelmed consumers in recent years. Many find repetitive ads on platforms like YouTube disruptive, often skipping them without hesitation to resume their content. This suggests that advertising fails to engage viewers effectively. Moreover, a lack of creativity in promotional campaigns—such as those merely listing product features—further diminishes consumer interest.
To conclude, considering both views on whether advertising is still convincing or not, I reckon that advertising is not only unattractive but also frustrating, because companies opt for passive ways to convince people to purchase.
In conclusion, while advertising retains some persuasive power, I believe it has largely become ineffective and even irritating, as many companies rely on uninspiring methods to attract customers.
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Overall Band Score
7
Overview
Vocabulary Range
strong
Linking Words
average
Spelling
strong
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
strong
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on the Essay

Task Achievement

  • The essay addresses both views and provides a clear opinion, fulfilling the task requirements.
  • The examples given (Instagram advertising, Cristiano Ronaldo’s endorsement) are relevant but could be developed further for stronger support.
  • The conclusion restates the opinion but could summarize the key points more effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • The essay is logically structured with clear paragraphs for each viewpoint and the writer’s opinion.
  • Some transitions between ideas could be smoother (e.g., "So, celebrity endorsement has been an effective form of persuasion recently" could be linked better to the next paragraph).
  • Repetition of "advertisement" and "publicize" could be varied for better lexical resource.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary is generally appropriate, but some word choices could be more precise (e.g., "provocative" might not be the best fit; "attention-grabbing" or "effective" could work better).
  • Some phrasing is awkward ("advertisement spoils the flow while they are watching a video" could be reworded for clarity).
  • More varied synonyms for "advertisement" (e.g., marketing, promotions, commercials) would enhance lexical range.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • There are minor grammatical errors:
    • "advertisement persuades people successfully or whether it is so common to attract people" (awkward phrasing; could be "whether it is too common to be effective").
    • "People are bored with repetitive advertising on YouTube and believe that advertisement spoils the flow while they are watching a video" (run-on sentence; could be split or reworded).
  • Some articles are missing (e.g., "an increasing number of advertisements have bombarded individuals").
  • Verb tenses are mostly correct, but some sentences could be more concise (e.g., "they will skip the advertisement with no thought to watch the rest of the program" → "they skip it without hesitation").

Suggestions for Improvement

  • Strengthen examples with more detail (e.g., statistics or studies on ad effectiveness).
  • Improve transitions between ideas for smoother flow.
  • Vary vocabulary and refine phrasing for clarity and sophistication.
  • Proofread for minor grammatical errors and awkward constructions.

Overall, the essay presents a balanced discussion but could benefit from more precise language and stronger supporting details.