Question: Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. O...
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There have been competing views on whether advertisement persuades people successfully or whether it is sotoo common to attract people. In my opinion, advertisements are not as provocativeeffective as before in grabbing customers' attention.Some people argue that cutting-edge technology has increased brand awareness. For example, ordinary people can advertise their products viaon Instagram, but this possibility was not available a few years ago, and they had to pay for an advertisementadvertisements. Additionally, celebrity endorsements influence people's decisions to purchase even shampoo. For instance, a shampoo called Clear was advertisedendorsed by Cristiano Ronaldo, and an increasing number of people are still usinguse this brand. SoThus, celebrity endorsement has been an effective form of persuasion recently.Those on the other side of the argument believe that an increasing number of advertisements have bombarded individuals in recent years. People are bored with repetitive advertising on YouTube and believefeel that advertisement spoilsadvertisements disrupt the flow while they are watching a video. When people are engrossed in a video clip, then a pop-up pauses it, and they will skip the advertisement with no thought without hesitationto watch the rest of continue watchingthe program. SoTherefore, publicizingadvertising hasn't found a successful way to attract customers. Furthermore, many companies don’t apply creativity to publicizepromote a product, so people are less inclined to watch an advertisement that justmerely introduces the features of a product.To conclude, considering both views on whether advertising is still convincing or not, I reckonbelieve that advertising is not only unattractive but also frustrating, because companies opt forrely on passive ways to convince people to purchase.
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Feedback on the Essay
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both views and provides a clear opinion, fulfilling the task requirements.
The examples given (Instagram advertising, Cristiano Ronaldo’s endorsement) are relevant but could be developed further for stronger support.
The conclusion restates the opinion but could summarize the key points more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically structured with clear paragraphs for each viewpoint and the writer’s opinion.
Some transitions between ideas could be smoother (e.g., "So, celebrity endorsement has been an effective form of persuasion recently" could be linked better to the next paragraph).
Repetition of "advertisement" and "publicize" could be varied for better lexical resource.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally appropriate, but some word choices could be more precise (e.g., "provocative" might not be the best fit; "attention-grabbing" or "effective" could work better).
Some phrasing is awkward ("advertisement spoils the flow while they are watching a video" could be reworded for clarity).
More varied synonyms for "advertisement" (e.g., marketing, promotions, commercials) would enhance lexical range.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are minor grammatical errors:
"advertisement persuades people successfully or whether it is so common to attract people" (awkward phrasing; could be "whether it is too common to be effective").
"People are bored with repetitive advertising on YouTube and believe that advertisement spoils the flow while they are watching a video" (run-on sentence; could be split or reworded).
Some articles are missing (e.g., "an increasing number of advertisements have bombarded individuals").
Verb tenses are mostly correct, but some sentences could be more concise (e.g., "they will skip the advertisement with no thought to watch the rest of the program" → "they skip it without hesitation").
Suggestions for Improvement
Strengthen examples with more detail (e.g., statistics or studies on ad effectiveness).
Improve transitions between ideas for smoother flow.
Vary vocabulary and refine phrasing for clarity and sophistication.
Proofread for minor grammatical errors and awkward constructions.
Overall, the essay presents a balanced discussion but could benefit from more precise language and stronger supporting details.