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Question: Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subj...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Some students tend to learn more about other subjects apart from their major subjects, while other learners argue that dedicating their full time and attention to studying one main studysubject is more essential. Personally, I completely agree with the former perspective and will discuss both sides in more detail. To begin with, those who advocate to learning various subjects have their own reasons. Firstly, they believe that the school curriculum should consistsconsist of diverse activities including art classes, physical education, and musical instrument classes. These programs provide an opportunity for students to foster their abilities and learninglearn multitasking. Secondly, communication skills and a cooperative attitude are taught in these kinds of classes by professional tutors. For example, by attending in football classes, both genders could enhance their functional abilities significantly. Finally, if students learn to do more activity simultansoulyactivities simultaneously, their brainbrains will develop effectively. On the other hand, those who believe in one major subjectssubject have their own perspective. Students could focus and concentrate effectively on one major study, which offers students a better environment for improvingimprovement. In other words, learners would study their lessons without any distractions and could also save their time significantly. The more time students spend on one topic, the better outcomes they will probably have in exams. Research has indicated that the quality of learning one major subject will affect children’s future careercareers. Moreover, if students engage with one main subject, they are likely to become successful in that position. In conclusion, although concentrating on one major study could benefit students positively and impact on their future, I firmly believe that learning other studiessubjects such as arts, music, and sports is more beneficial than learning one subject.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Some students tend to learn more about other subjects apart from their major subjects, while other learners argue that dedicating their full time and attention to studying one main study is more essential. Personally, I completely agree with former perspective and will discuss both sides in more detail.
Some students tend to explore subjects beyond their major, while others argue that dedicating their full time and attention to a single field of study is more essential. Personally, I completely agree with the former perspective and will discuss both sides in more detail.
To begin with, those who advocate to learning various subjects have their own reasons. Firstly, they believe that school curriculum should consists of diverse activities including art classes, physical education and musical instrument classes. These programs provide an opportunity for students to foster their abilities and learning multitasking. Secondly, communication skills and cooperative attitude are taught in these kinds of classes by professional tutors. For example, by attending in football classes, both genders could enhance their functional abilities significantly. Finally, if students learn to do more activity simultansouly, their brain will develop effectively.
To begin with, those who advocate for learning various subjects have their own reasons. Firstly, they believe that the school curriculum should consist of diverse activities, including art classes, physical education, and music lessons. These programs provide students with opportunities to develop their abilities and learn multitasking skills. Secondly, communication skills and a cooperative attitude are fostered in these classes by professional instructors. For example, by participating in football classes, students of all genders can significantly enhance their functional abilities. Finally, if students learn to engage in multiple activities simultaneously, their cognitive development will be positively impacted.
On the other hand, those who believe in one major subjects have their own perspective. Students could focus and concentrate effectively on one major study which offers students a better environment for improving. In other words, learners would study their lessons without any distractions and could also save their time significantly. The more time students spend on one topic, the better outcomes they will probably have in exams. Research has indicated that the quality of learning one major subject will affect children’s future career. Moreover, if students engage one main subject, they are likely to become successful in that position.
On the other hand, proponents of focusing on one major subject have their own perspective. They argue that students can concentrate more effectively on a single field of study, which creates a better environment for improvement. In other words, learners can study their lessons without distractions, thereby saving significant time. The more time students dedicate to one topic, the better outcomes they are likely to achieve in exams. Research has indicated that the quality of learning in one major subject can significantly influence children’s future careers. Moreover, if students immerse themselves in one main subject, they are more likely to succeed in that field.
In conclusion, although concentrating on one major study could benefit students positively and impact on their future, I firmly believe that learning other studies such as arts, music, and sports is more beneficial than learning one subject.
In conclusion, although concentrating on one major subject can positively benefit students and impact their future, I firmly believe that learning additional subjects such as the arts, music, and sports is more advantageous than focusing solely on one area of study.
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Overall Band Score
6.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether university students should focus solely on their main subjects or explore additional subjects. The writer provides a clear opinion, aligning with the view that learning about other subjects is beneficial.
  • Development of Ideas: The essay presents reasons for both perspectives, but the arguments could be more developed. For instance, the benefits of learning additional subjects could be expanded with more specific examples or evidence.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific viewpoint. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, using linking words or phrases to connect the ideas within and between paragraphs would enhance the flow.
  • Cohesion: Some sentences could be better connected. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of diverse activities to communication skills could be more explicit.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and repetitions. For example, "advocate to learning" should be "advocate learning," and "simultansouly" should be "simultaneously."
  • Variety: While there is some variety in word choice, further diversification of vocabulary would strengthen the essay. Consider using synonyms or more precise terms to avoid repetition.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, but there are grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, "school curriculum should consists" should be "school curriculum should consist."
  • Grammar: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage. Errors such as "one major subjects" should be "one major subject."

Overall Impression

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both views and providing a personal opinion. However, it would benefit from more detailed development of ideas, improved coherence through better transitions, and careful attention to grammatical accuracy. Expanding on examples and refining language use will enhance the overall quality of the response.