Question: It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their perso...
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Taking risky decisions is a matter whichthat is usually advised to grow in both personal life and professional career. While such decisiondecisions could yield some negative results, I strongly believe the merits comingthat come along often outweigh the potential drawbacks.
On the one hand, some possible disadvantages might discourage people from taking risks as coming out of the comfort zone usually is a hard decision and needs a lot of thinkingthought. Take migration to another country as an obvious example of risky decisions; loneliness and homesickhomesickness are likely the first personal issues coming intothat come to mind whenever we want to talk about living abroad. Migrants have to leave their families and friends behind, relocating to a place where they do not know anyone. In such situationsituations, language barriers often aggravate the circumstance to makecircumstances of making new friends. From a professional perspective, leaving the financial stability inof your own country and starting a new career path elsewhere is not an easy task, and there is the risk of going bankrupt.
inIn spite of all the arguments above, I deeply believe risk-taking is necessary to improve, and the brighter future that can come alongfrom risky decisions should not be overlooked. When we read about or talk with successful individuals, the majority of them point to a time they put aside their fear, changing their lives bywith an important decision. For instance, Cristiano Ronaldo, widely regarded as the greatest footballer of all time, at his 18, an age that many of his peers were scared even to live alone, decided to relocate to the UK from his own country to play infor a greater football club. From then on, his well-known career began, with achieving all the possible trophies. By that risky decision, not only did he leave a legacy in football, but he also have provided a luxurious life style lifestylefor himself and his family in their personal lives.
To sum up, although it is accepted that coming out fromof one’s comfort zone is a hard and could be along withaccompanied by some problems, the positive outcomes of such decisions are so worthwhile that people should try their chancechances.
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Task Achievement
Response to the Prompt: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks in personal and professional contexts. It clearly states the writer's position that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Examples and Support: The essay provides relevant examples, such as migration and the career of Cristiano Ronaldo, to support the argument. These examples are well-chosen and illustrate the points effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organization: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the progression of ideas is logical.
Cohesive Devices: The use of cohesive devices is generally effective, with phrases like "on the one hand," "in spite of," and "to sum up" helping to guide the reader through the argument. However, there could be more varied use of linking words to enhance the flow between sentences and ideas.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary: The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, with some good examples of higher-level language such as "aggravate," "relocating," and "luxurious lifestyle." However, there are a few minor errors, such as "have provided" instead of "has provided."
Word Choice: Some word choices could be improved for precision, such as "a matter which is usually advised" which could be rephrased for clarity.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence Structure: The essay demonstrates a range of sentence structures, including complex sentences. However, there are some grammatical errors, such as "in spite of all the arguments above" which should be "despite all the arguments above."
Grammar and Punctuation: There are minor issues with capitalization, such as "in spite of" at the beginning of a sentence, which should be capitalized. Additionally, the phrase "a hard and could be along with some problems" is awkward and could be rephrased for clarity.
Suggestions for Improvement
Enhance Cohesion: Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between ideas and sentences.
Grammar and Punctuation: Pay attention to capitalization and ensure subject-verb agreement, especially in complex sentences.
Clarity and Precision: Rephrase awkward or unclear phrases to improve clarity and precision in your writing.
Lexical Variety: Continue to expand your vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and avoid repetition.
Overall, the essay presents a well-structured argument with relevant examples, but attention to grammatical accuracy and cohesion could further enhance its quality.