Question: In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population i...

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In contemporary society, in some countries, rural people are moving to urban areas, which can decrease the population of rural areas. Although immigrating to cities can offer more opportunities for people, lI think it can have a negative impact on peopepeople and society for several reasons that I will mention in this essay. To begin with, one reason that reducing the population of the rural areas due to their immigration to big cities is a negative development is that it will increase environmental issues. The more the population of the countryside drops, Thethe more the population of cities grows, leading to a rise in consumption and traffic, contributing factors to both air and noise pollutionspollution. For example, if people want to live in the cities, they will need to meet accomodationaccommodation needs by working, which can lead to growth in cars due to commuting, and a rise in green house greenhouse gases, which can exacerbate environmental problems. Moreover, another reason that decreasing the population of rural areas is a negative development is that it can undermine the local economy. If the majority of people move to big cities, there will be no labour force for rural jobs such as farming, and station industries. For instance, people working as stockbreeders provide governementsgovernments with diarydairy products such as cheese, milk, and even meat, that and if their workforce decreases, it will hashave the potential to adversely affect on food production, which is important in the export market due to improving the local economy. In conclusion, lI believe that when rural people move to cities and reduce their populatonpopulation in the countryside, it can bring several drawbacks due to its potential to impact on people's population in big cities, hinder exporting food production, and underminerundermine the local economy.
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Overall Band Score
6
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
average
Word Count
sufficient
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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the negative impacts of rural depopulation due to migration to urban areas. It provides a clear stance that this is a negative development.
  • Ideas and Examples: The essay presents two main ideas: environmental issues and the undermining of the local economy. These ideas are supported with examples, such as increased pollution and the impact on food production.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, which aids in clarity.
  • Cohesive Devices: The use of cohesive devices such as "To begin with," "Moreover," and "For example," helps in guiding the reader through the argument. However, some transitions could be smoother to enhance the flow of ideas.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, such as "immigrating," "accommodation needs," "greenhouse gases," and "stockbreeders." However, there are some spelling errors, such as "peope" (people), "accomodation" (accommodation), and "diary" (dairy).
  • Word Choice: Some word choices could be improved for precision, such as "station industries," which is unclear. Consider using "agricultural industries" or "rural industries."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds to the complexity and interest of the writing.
  • Grammar and Spelling: There are several grammatical errors, such as "it will has the potential" (it will have the potential) and "underminer" (undermine). Additionally, there are capitalization errors, such as "The more population" (the more the population).

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to correct spelling and grammatical errors.
  2. Clarity and Precision: Ensure that all terms and phrases are clear and precise. For example, clarify what is meant by "station industries."
  3. Cohesion: Work on smoother transitions between ideas to improve the overall flow of the essay.
  4. Expansion of Ideas: Consider expanding on the examples provided to give a more detailed analysis of the negative impacts.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument, but it would benefit from careful proofreading and refinement of ideas for clarity and precision.