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Question: Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subj...

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The variety of univeristyuniversity subjects has significantly increased over the past few decades. Despite the arguments of some people that all of the time and attention of the students most allocatemust be allocated to their own major, in this essay iI intend to discuss about why the opposite of this belief is true. The reasons for this are twofold. First, it is vitally important that we appreciate the importancesignificance of some courses. On one hand, some people might believe it is not worthwhile for students to learn about general courses which aredo not belong to their main major. On the other hand, some teachers and parents encourage children to learn about different subjects. Regard to Regarding both views, it is my personal belief that all of the university students in the world must know a negligible amount of knowledge in different criteriaareas. Some university's courses such as art, personal growth, or psychology are essential, and despite the fields of study, it is crucial for all of the members of the society to know about itthem. For instance, if biology students do not know anything about how to develop a well-balanced character or how to incorporate personal bounderisboundaries, they might be face difficulties in their perosnalpersonal lives and finding an appropiateappropriate partner. Furthermore, Ifif art students do not know any tips related to business, it is hard for them to found a startup in the future. Moreover, in my opinion, it is the univeristyuniversity's responsibiltyresponsibility to provide different extracurricular activities and classes. One of the best ways to do this is to provide different facilities such as sport club,sports clubs and music clubclubs along with art and psychology classes aimed at encouraging students to participate in those activities in their lesisureleisure time. By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my view that it is essential for students to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subject.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
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The variety of univeristy subjects has significantly increased over the past few decades. Despite the arguments of some people that all of the time and attention of the students most allocate to their own major, in this essay i intend to discuss about why the opposite of this belief is true. The reasons for this are twofold. First, it is vitally important that we appreciate the importance of some courses. On one hand some people might believe it is not worthwhile for students to learn about general courses which are not belong to their main major. On the other hand, some teachers and parents encourage children to learn about different subjects. Regard to both views, it is my personal belief that all of the university students in the world must know a negligible amount of knowledge in different criteria. Some university's courses such as art, personal growth or psychology are essential and despite the fields of study, it is crucial for all of the members of the society to know about it. For instance if biology students do not know anything about how to develop a well-balanced character or how to incorporate personal bounderis, they might be face difficulties in their perosnal lives and finding an appropiate partner. Furthermore, If art students do not know any tips related to business, it is hard for them to found a startup in the future. Moreover, in my opinion, it is the univeristy's responsibilty to provide different extracurricular activities and classes. One of the best ways to do this is to provide different facilities such as sport club, and music club along with art and psychology classes aimed at encouraging students to participate in those activities in their lesisure time. By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my view that it is essential for students to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subject.
The variety of university subjects has significantly increased over the past few decades. Despite the arguments of some people that students should allocate all their time and attention to their own major, in this essay, I intend to discuss why the opposite belief is true. The reasons for this are twofold. First, it is vitally important to appreciate the significance of certain courses. On one hand, some people might believe it is not worthwhile for students to learn about general courses that do not belong to their main major. On the other hand, some teachers and parents encourage children to explore different subjects. Regarding both views, I personally believe that all university students should acquire a basic level of knowledge in various fields. Courses such as art, personal development, and psychology are essential, and regardless of their fields of study, it is crucial for all members of society to be familiar with these subjects. For instance, if biology students do not learn about developing a well-balanced character or establishing personal boundaries, they may face difficulties in their personal lives and in finding an appropriate partner. Furthermore, if art students lack knowledge related to business, it will be challenging for them to establish a startup in the future. Moreover, in my opinion, it is the university's responsibility to provide a range of extracurricular activities and classes. One of the best ways to achieve this is by offering various facilities, such as sports clubs and music clubs, alongside art and psychology classes, aimed at encouraging students to engage in these activities during their leisure time. In conclusion, I reaffirm my view that it is essential for students to learn about other subjects in addition to their main area of study.
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Overall Band Score
5.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether university students should focus solely on their main subjects or explore additional subjects. However, the essay leans more towards supporting the idea of learning additional subjects without fully exploring the opposing viewpoint.
  • Position: Your position is clear, advocating for the importance of learning additional subjects. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion of the opposing view to strengthen the argument.
  • Examples and Support: You provide examples, such as the importance of art and psychology courses, to support your argument. However, these examples could be more specific and detailed to enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Structure: The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the importance of additional subjects to the university's responsibility could be more clearly linked.
  • Cohesion: Use of cohesive devices (e.g., "On one hand," "On the other hand," "Moreover") is present but could be more varied to improve the flow of the essay.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, but there are some errors and awkward phrases (e.g., "negligible amount of knowledge," "incorporate personal bounderis"). Consider using more precise language and checking for spelling errors.
  • Range: While the vocabulary range is adequate, incorporating more academic and varied vocabulary could enhance the essay.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Grammar: There are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("students most allocate," "they might be face difficulties") and incorrect word forms ("univeristy," "perosnal," "bounderis").
  • Sentence Structure: The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentences, but some sentences are awkwardly constructed. For example, "Regard to both views, it is my personal belief that all of the university students in the world must know a negligible amount of knowledge in different criteria" could be rephrased for clarity.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Balanced Discussion: Provide a more balanced discussion by elaborating on the viewpoint that students should focus solely on their main subjects. This will strengthen your argument by showing you have considered both sides.
  2. Examples: Use more specific and detailed examples to support your points. This will make your argument more convincing.
  3. Language and Grammar: Pay attention to spelling, grammar, and sentence structure. Proofreading your essay can help catch errors and improve clarity.
  4. Cohesion: Work on smoother transitions between ideas to improve the overall flow of the essay. Using a wider range of cohesive devices can help achieve this.

Overall, the essay presents a clear position and provides some support for it, but it would benefit from a more balanced discussion, improved language accuracy, and more detailed examples.