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Question: In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population i...

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The number of people travelling from countrysidesthe countryside toward capitals and big cities around the world is on the rise. This trend is causing problems tofor rural areas as well as bringing out drawbacks for cities, which both require careful considerationsconsideration. However., the negative aspects of this migratingmigration pattern deserve careful attentionsattention, which I will elaborate on this issue in the following essay. On the one hand, as village settlers move to mega cities, the population of manpower in those remote areas will drop significantly, which havehas negative effects on both industries and local residents. The first First and foremost, in terms of the industrial facet, the companies in such places encounter a lack of sufficient workforce because the prominent workers have travelled to big cities for better job prospectprospects and achievingto achieve higher income. In this context, employers are obliged to pay higher wages to adept workerworkers for commuting long distances from other adjacent towns, which has a direct detrimental influence on the domestic economy. AdditionalyAdditionally, not only would this trend pose a threat to organisations, but locals also locals have to face the consequences of this menace. For example, if a person wants to repair an impared impaired equipment in his or her house in those remote regions, he or she will have to bring in an expert from another citiescity within athe country, which is costly and a daunting job, undoubtedly. On the flip side, as a result of the growing population rate in destination cities, consequences including poorer air- quality, a polluted environment, and a lack of decent jobs for city dwellers are inevitable. As an illustration, the more citizens are working, the more fossil fuel is needed to operate both private and public transport vehicles, which considerably contributes to polluting weatherthe atmosphere and environments as well, because of emitingemitting a high amount of Carbon-carbon dioxide and exhaust fumes. On top of that, as long as demandsthe demand for jobs areis escalating in overcrowded capital cities, unemployementthe unemployment rate will surge assuredly, that which requires immediate measurementsmeasures in order to stop the rot,; otherwise, negative outcomes become impossible to mend. In conclusion, as indicated above, travellingthe movement of people from rural areas to urban ones is considered an undesired process whichthat has multi-faceted demerits for both environments, likesuch as increasing unemployment figurefigures in megalopolismegalopolises coupled with decreasing the number of workforceworkers in remote regions. I firmly believe this pattern is the last thing every nation wants.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
The number of people travelling from countrysides toward capitals and big cities around the world is on the rise. This trend is causing problems to rural areas as well as bringing out drawbacks for cities which both require careful considerations. However. the negative aspects of this migrating pattern deserve careful attentions which I will elaborate on this issue in the following essay.
The number of people traveling from rural areas to capitals and large cities around the world is on the rise. This trend is causing problems for rural areas and also presenting challenges for cities, both of which require careful consideration. However, the negative aspects of this migration pattern deserve thorough attention, which I will elaborate on in the following essay.
On the one hand, as village settlers move to mega cities, the population of manpower in those remote areas will drop significantly, which have negative effects on both industries and local residents. The first and foremost, in terms of industrial facet, the companies in such places encounter lack of sufficient workforce because the prominent workers have travelled to big cities for better job prospect and achieving higher income. In this context, employers are obliged to pay higher wages to adept worker for commuting long distances from other adjacent towns which has a direct detrimental influence on the domestic economy. Additionaly, not only would this trend pose threat to organisations, but also locals have to face the consequences of this menace. For example, if a person wants to repair an impared equipment in his or her house in those remote regions, he or she will have to bring in an expert from another cities within a country which is costly and a daunting job, undoubtedly.
On the one hand, as villagers move to megacities, the workforce in these remote areas decreases significantly, which negatively affects both industries and local residents. First and foremost, in terms of industry, companies in these areas face a shortage of sufficient labor because skilled workers have migrated to larger cities in search of better job prospects and higher incomes. In this context, employers are compelled to pay higher wages to attract skilled workers who commute long distances from nearby towns, which has a direct detrimental impact on the local economy. Additionally, this trend not only poses a threat to businesses but also forces locals to confront the consequences of this issue. For example, if a person needs to repair faulty equipment in their home in these remote regions, they may have to hire an expert from another city, which is both costly and challenging.
On the flip side, as a result of growing population rate in destination cities, consequences including poorer air-quality, polluted environment, and lack of decent jobs for city dwellers are inevitable. As an illustration, the more citizens are working, the more fossil fuel is needed to operate both private and public transport vehicles which considerably contributes to polluting weather and environments as well, because of emiting a high amount of Carbon-dioxide and exhaust fumes. On top of that, as long as demands for jobs are escalating in overcrowded capital cities, unemployement rate will surge assuredly that requires immediate measurements in order to stop the rot, otherwise negative outcomes become impossible to mend.
On the flip side, the growing population in destination cities leads to inevitable consequences, including poorer air quality, environmental pollution, and a lack of decent jobs for city dwellers. For instance, as more citizens seek employment, the demand for fossil fuels to operate both private and public transport increases, significantly contributing to environmental pollution due to the emission of high levels of carbon dioxide and exhaust fumes. Furthermore, as the demand for jobs escalates in overcrowded capital cities, the unemployment rate is likely to rise, necessitating immediate measures to address this issue; otherwise, the negative outcomes will become increasingly difficult to rectify.
In conclusion, as indicated above, travelling people from rural areas to urban ones is considered an undesired process which has multi-faceted demerits for both environments, like increasing unemployment figure in megalopolis coupled with decreasing the number of workforce in remote regions. I firmly believe this pattern is the last thing every nation wants.
In conclusion, as indicated above, the migration of people from rural areas to urban centers is considered an undesirable process that has multifaceted drawbacks for both environments, such as increasing unemployment rates in megacities and a declining workforce in remote regions. I firmly believe that this pattern is something that every nation should strive to address.
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Overall Band Score
6
Overview
Vocabulary Range
strong
Linking Words
average
Spelling
average
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
strong
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
strong
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the negative aspects of rural to urban migration. However, it could be improved by explicitly stating whether the development is overall positive or negative in the introduction.
  • Development of Ideas: The essay provides a clear argument against the migration trend, supported by examples and explanations. However, it could benefit from a more balanced view by briefly acknowledging any potential positive aspects of urban migration.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the issue.
  • Cohesion: Transition words and phrases are used effectively to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the transition between the introduction and the first body paragraph could be smoother.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some sophisticated word choices such as "detrimental influence," "daunting job," and "multi-faceted demerits."
  • Word Choice: There are minor issues with word choice, such as "emiting" which should be "emitting," and "impaired equipment" which could be more clearly expressed as "broken equipment."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, which enhances readability.
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are a few grammatical errors, such as "the number of people travelling from countrysides" (should be "countryside") and "employers are obliged to pay higher wages to adept worker" (should be "adept workers"). Additionally, punctuation errors like "However." should be corrected to "However,".

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Introduction: Clearly state your position on whether the development is positive or negative.
  2. Balanced View: Briefly mention any potential benefits of urban migration to provide a more balanced perspective.
  3. Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to correct minor grammatical and punctuation errors.
  4. Word Choice: Ensure accurate word choice to avoid confusion and enhance clarity.

Overall, the essay effectively argues against the trend of rural to urban migration, but it could be strengthened by addressing the above suggestions.