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Question: Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which cause many h...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Researches haveResearch has shown that consuming sugary products can lead to differentvarious health issues for humans. While some people believe that making these products more expensive can be an effective solution, I disagree with this perspective and believe better measures can be taken to encourage people to use less sugar. To begin with, overconsuming sugary products is an imprtantimportant issue in many countries, leading to several health problems which can disturb people's comfortnessescomfort. It enhances FBS (Fasting Blood Sugar) and a person can be prone to the danger of beingbecoming diabetic. Therefore, striving to decraese consumedecrease consumption of products that contain artificial sugar is essential. However, incraesingincreasing these products' priceprices is not a proper solution to solve theisthis problem becuasebecause there are many sugary products that people consume them almost every day, regardless of their prices, such as pasta or rice. Thus, increasing priceprices can makecreate problems for poor people that decreaseby decreasing their affordability. There are some potential solutions that can be considered in this termregard. Firstly, governments should attempattempt to enhance people's awareness about sugary products by providing useful and engaging advertisingadvertisements that can be published through TV or billborads inbillboards on the roads and highways. Moreover, people are responsible as well. theyThey have to decreasereduce sugar in their meals and discourage their children to consumefrom consuming sugary goods such as soft drinks or snacks. In this way, the next generation is less likely to use these kindkinds of products. In conclusion, in my opinion, increasing the price of sugary goods price is not a practical measurementmeasure and might decrease some people's affordability. The better solution is enhancing people's awareness and attempting to staymake the next generation healthier.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Researches have shown that consuming sugary products can lead to different health issues for humans. While some people believe that making these products more expensive can be an effective solution, I disagree with this perspective and believe better measures can be taken to encourage people to use less sugar.
Research has shown that consuming sugary products can lead to various health issues. While some argue that increasing the price of these products could be an effective solution, I disagree and believe alternative measures would be more effective in reducing sugar consumption.
To begin with, overconsuming sugary products is an imprtant issue in many countries, leading several health problems which can disturb people's comfortnesses. It enhances FBS (Fasting Blood Sugar) and person can be prone to danger of being diabetic. Therefore, striving to decraese consume products that contain artificial sugar is essential. However, incraesing these products' price is not proper solution to solve theis problem becuase there are many sugary products that people consume them almost every day, regardless of their prices such as pasta or rice. Thus, increasing price can make problems for poor people that decrease their affordability.
To begin with, excessive sugar intake is a significant problem in many countries, contributing to health complications such as elevated fasting blood sugar (FBS) and an increased risk of diabetes. Therefore, reducing the consumption of artificially sweetened products is essential. However, raising prices is not an ideal solution, as many sugary staples—such as pasta and rice—are daily dietary necessities. Higher prices would disproportionately affect low-income households, reducing their access to basic foods without necessarily curbing sugar intake.
There are some potential solutions that can be considered in this term. Firstly, governments should attemp to enhance people's awareness about sugary products by providing useful and engaging advertising that can be published through TV or billborads in the roads and highways. Moreover, people are responsible as well. they have to decrease sugar in their meals and discourage their children to consume sugary goods such as soft drinks or snacks. In this way, the next generation is less likely to use these kind of products.
More effective solutions should be considered. Firstly, governments should raise public awareness through educational campaigns, utilizing media platforms like television and roadside billboards. Additionally, individuals must take responsibility by reducing sugar in their diets and discouraging children from consuming sugary snacks and soft drinks. This approach would help cultivate healthier habits in future generations.
In conclusion, in my opinion , increasing sugary goods price is not practical measurement and might decrease some people affordability. The better solution is enhancing people awareness and attempting to stay next generation healthier.
In conclusion, increasing the price of sugary goods is an impractical measure that may harm affordability without addressing the root issue. A more sustainable solution lies in public education and fostering healthier dietary habits for future generations.
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Overall Band Score
5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
weak
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
average
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on Your Essay

Task Achievement

  • Your essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position (disagreeing with the idea of increasing prices). However, the argument could be more developed with stronger reasoning and examples.
  • Some points are unclear or repetitive (e.g., "decrease consume products" should be "reduce consumption of products").
  • The conclusion restates your opinion but could summarize key points more effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • The essay has a logical structure (introduction, body paragraphs, conclusion), but some ideas are not smoothly connected.
  • Transition words are used (e.g., "To begin with," "Moreover"), but some sentences feel abrupt. For example, the shift from affordability to awareness in the second body paragraph could be smoother.
  • Some sentences are awkwardly phrased, affecting readability (e.g., "striving to decraese consume products").

Lexical Resource

  • There are several spelling and word choice errors (e.g., "comfortnesses" → "comfort," "decraese" → "decrease," "attemp" → "attempt").
  • Some vocabulary is repetitive (e.g., "sugary products" is used frequently; consider synonyms like "sweetened foods").
  • A few phrases are unnatural (e.g., "danger of being diabetic" → "risk of diabetes").

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • There are multiple grammatical errors, including:
    • Subject-verb agreement ("researches have shown" → "research has shown").
    • Incorrect word forms ("affordability" should be "ability to afford").
    • Missing articles ("theis problem" → "this problem").
  • Sentence structure is sometimes unclear (e.g., "people consume them almost every day, regardless of their prices such as pasta or rice" – pasta and rice are not inherently sugary).

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Clarify and Expand Arguments – Provide more specific examples (e.g., how awareness campaigns work, alternatives to price hikes).
  2. Proofread for Errors – Correct spelling, grammar, and word choice to improve clarity.
  3. Improve Cohesion – Use linking words more effectively to connect ideas smoothly.
  4. Refine Vocabulary – Use more precise and varied terms (e.g., "health risks" instead of "health problems").

Overall, your essay presents a clear stance but needs refinement in language accuracy and argument development. Keep practicing!