Question: Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. O...
Marking Generated by Free AI Models
You are on the free tier, which uses free AI models. They can occasionally be slow, unstable, or temporarily unavailable. Balang Plus uses premium models for faster, more reliable, and higher-quality marking.
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
People are often argue that weather advertising can be effective at cauragingencouraging individuals to buy things or it is so common that people no longer pay attention to it. In this essay, I am going to discuss both views and provide reasons for each while providing a personal point of view about the argument.
So much advertising about a product or an item can influence individuals to try to buy that product or use that service even if it is not needed at that time. KeepKeeping seeing the same product in the different partparts of the day can push a person to seek the need offor it,; for instance, an advertisement about a specific chocolate can be seen fromon billboards on the roads, and on the bussesbuses running through town, and finally between YoutubeYouTube videos and other social mediasmedia. Consequently, a person will have the feeling of craving for that chocolate soand will finally will try to buy it even if it isdoes not havinghave the favorite flavorfavourite flavour for that person.
On the other hand, watching so many addsads during a day can be boring for people, so they might not focus on what that advertisement is saying or even refuse to buy that object since too much advertising about that object creates a hatehateful feeling in humanhumans. In addition, there is a belief among the community that a good quality product dosedoes not need so manymuch advertising and can be popular by itself, and so muchmany ads about a specific item can be the reason offor the weakness of that thing and can be scamming, and the majority of the community will avoid to buy buyingthat product even if it is usefulluseful and needed among them.
In my opinion, while effective advertisement can incourageencourage people to buy the product, but exessive excessivead production could disturbedisturb people from totally watching any addsads till the end, so keeping a balance between the creation of advertisementadvertisements for the appropiateappropriate period of time can be more effective for industries to make people interest oninterested in buying that product. For example, finding the target group of people who need that item more can reduce the unnecessary advertisementadvertisements for other people and allowingallow each person to watch less advertisementfewer advertisements.
In conclusion, effective advertisement can push a person to use that product, while so many advertisementadvertisements could be confusing, so in my ideaview, management of appropriate timetiming and group target of advertisementgroups for advertisements can help both companies and individuals to connect together bythrough the use of the advertising system.
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.
Feedback on Your Essay
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses both views and provides a clear opinion, which is good. However, the response could be more focused and structured. Some points are repetitive, and the argument could be developed with stronger examples and clearer reasoning.
The introduction is somewhat unclear due to grammatical errors ("People are often argue that weather advertising can be effective at cauraging individuals..."). A more precise and grammatically correct introduction would improve clarity.
The examples (e.g., chocolate ads) are relevant but could be expanded with more detail or real-world cases to strengthen the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical flow, but some sentences are awkwardly phrased, making it harder to follow. For example:
"Keep seeing same product in the different part of day can push a person to seek the need of it..." (This could be rewritten for clarity.)
Transition words are used, but some paragraphs lack smooth connections. For instance, the shift between the second and third body paragraphs could be smoother.
The conclusion summarizes the main points but could be more concise and impactful.
Lexical Resource
There are several spelling and word choice errors:
"cauraging" → "encouraging"
"adds" → "ads" (or "advertisements")
"dose" → "does"
"incourage" → "encourage"
Some phrases are unnatural or unclear:
"exessive ad production could disturbe people from totally watching any adds till the end" (This could be reworded for clarity.)
A wider range of vocabulary (synonyms for "advertising," "product," "people") would improve lexical variety.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are frequent grammatical errors, particularly with verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and article usage:
"People are often argue" → "People often argue"
"Keep seeing same product" → "Continuously seeing the same product"
"it is not having the favorite flavor" → "it is not their favorite flavor"
Some sentences are overly long and confusing. Breaking them into shorter, clearer sentences would help.
Suggestions for Improvement
Revise for grammar and spelling – Proofread carefully or use tools like Grammarly to catch errors.
Improve clarity and conciseness – Some sentences are unnecessarily wordy. Simplify where possible.
Strengthen examples – Use more specific, real-world cases (e.g., famous ad campaigns) to support arguments.
Enhance transitions – Ensure smooth connections between ideas with better linking words.
Expand vocabulary – Use synonyms to avoid repetition (e.g., "marketing," "promotion," "consumers").
Overall, the essay presents a balanced discussion but would benefit from clearer expression, better grammar, and more precise examples. Keep practicing!