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Question: Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subj...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Students continually seek to enhance their knowledge in many sunjectssubjects at a university, and to achievingachieve this, partcicpatingparticipating in extracurricular activities is considered an effective way. While some students have a tecndencytendency to learn further subjects, others believe that they should focus on one core subjectssubject. I believe that students should embrace learning numerous subjects. On the one hand, some high academic learners may argue that they should go beyond core universities’ curriculum and allocate time to learn other subejectssubjects. First, aquiringacquiring knowledge in other subjects can widen students' horrizen horizons towards different kinds of issues. OnIn other words, by possessing experience in other fields, students can act more successfulsuccessfully in facing problems. For instance, if mathematics students participate in phcycologypsychology workshops in universities, they are more likely to control the levels of their stress during final exams. In addition, learning other subjects can boost studentstudents' skills in their main major. This is because, some of them are recognized as a interdisipilinarily subject interdisciplinary subjects which can implementsbe implemented in numerous fields. For example, Nanotechnology science nanotechnology has been applyingapplied in medicine, architecture, and engineering. Conversely, some other students think that they have to merely focus on a certain subject. First, a student excelling in a subject is far more marketable in the job market. This is because of two reasons. To clarify, when students emphasizeemphasise solely a qualification, they learn it more effectively. Hence, adopting this approach, can not only can enhance studensstudents’ confidence in the workplace, but also it result in hands-on experience in their certainspecific majors. In conclusion, it is evident that altough place apremiumalthough placing a premium on core subjects can boost students’ self-esteem and resume, I believe universities athouritiesuniversity authorities should introduce some other subjects to their students. This prospectiveperspective can increase students’ knowledge not only in their professional, lives but also in their personal lifelives.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Students continually seek to enhance their knowledge in many sunjects at a university, and to achieving this, partcicpating in extracurricular activities is considered an effective way. While some students have a tecndency to learn further subjects, others believe that they should focus on one core subjects. I believe that students should embrace learning numerous subjects.
Students continually seek to enhance their knowledge in many subjects at university, and participating in extracurricular activities is considered an effective way to achieve this. While some students tend to learn additional subjects, others believe that they should focus solely on one core subject. I believe that students should embrace learning numerous subjects.
On the one hand, some high academic learners may argue that they should go beyond core universities’curriculum and allocate time to learn other subejects. First, aquiring knowledge in other subjects can widen students horrizen towards different kinds issues. On other words, by possessing experience in other fields, students can act more successful in facing problems. For instance, if mathematics students participate in phcycology workshops in universities, they are more likely to control the levels of their stress during final exams. In addition, learning other subjects can boost student skills in their main major. This is because, some of them are recognized as a interdisipilinarily subject which can implements in numerous fields. For example, Nanotechnology science has been applying in medicine, architecture, and engineering.
On the one hand, some high-achieving learners may argue that they should go beyond the core university curriculum and allocate time to learn other subjects. First, acquiring knowledge in various fields can broaden students' horizons regarding different issues. In other words, by gaining experience in diverse areas, students can be more successful in facing challenges. For instance, if mathematics students participate in psychology workshops at university, they are more likely to manage their stress levels during final exams. Additionally, learning other subjects can enhance students' skills in their primary major. This is because some subjects are recognized as interdisciplinary, which can be applied in numerous fields. For example, nanotechnology is being utilized in medicine, architecture, and engineering.
Conversely, some other students think that they have to merely focus on a certain subject. First, a student excelling in a subject is far more marketable in the job market. This is because of two reasons. To clarify, when students emphasize solely a qualification they learn it more effectively. Hence, adopting this approach, not only can enhance studens’ confidence in workplace, but also it result in hands-on experience in their certain majors.
Conversely, some students believe that they should focus solely on a specific subject. First, a student excelling in a particular subject is often more marketable in the job market. This is due to two reasons. To clarify, when students concentrate on a single qualification, they tend to learn it more effectively. Hence, adopting this approach not only enhances students’ confidence in the workplace but also results in hands-on experience in their chosen majors.
In conclusion, it is evident that altough place apremium on core subjects can boost students’ self-esteem and resume, I believe universities athourities should introduce some other subjects to their students. This prospective can increase students’ knowledge not only in their professional,but also in their personal life.
In conclusion, while placing a premium on core subjects can boost students’ self-esteem and enhance their resumes, I believe that university authorities should introduce additional subjects to their students. This perspective can increase students’ knowledge not only in their professional lives but also in their personal development.
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Overall Band Score
5.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
weak
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
average
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether university students should focus solely on their main subjects or learn additional subjects. However, the essay could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that explicitly states the writer's opinion.
  • Development of Ideas: The essay provides reasons and examples for both perspectives, which is good. However, the examples could be more specific and detailed to strengthen the argument. For instance, the mention of psychology workshops could be expanded to explain how they specifically help mathematics students.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is organized into paragraphs that each discuss a different point. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of learning additional subjects to focusing on a single subject could be more clearly articulated.
  • Cohesive Devices: There is some use of cohesive devices (e.g., "On the one hand," "Conversely"), but they are not always used effectively. More varied and precise linking words could improve the flow of the essay.

Lexical Resource

  • Range of Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., "sunjects," "partcicpating," "tecndency," "horrizen," "phcycology," "interdisipilinarily," "athourities"). These errors can detract from the overall impression of the essay.
  • Appropriateness and Precision: Some word choices are not entirely appropriate or precise (e.g., "act more successful," "place apremium"). More precise vocabulary would enhance clarity and professionalism.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structures: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which is positive. However, there are several grammatical errors that need attention (e.g., "some of them are recognized as a interdisipilinarily subject which can implements in numerous fields").
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are frequent errors in grammar and punctuation, such as missing articles and incorrect verb forms. These errors can obscure meaning and should be corrected for clarity.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Thesis Statement: Clearly state your opinion in the introduction to guide the reader.
  2. Examples and Details: Provide more specific and detailed examples to support your points.
  3. Cohesion: Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow between ideas.
  4. Spelling and Grammar: Proofread the essay to correct spelling and grammatical errors.
  5. Vocabulary: Use more precise and varied vocabulary to enhance clarity and engagement.

By addressing these areas, the essay can be improved in terms of clarity, coherence, and overall effectiveness.