Question: Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subj...
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Many university students have an opposing view on whether learning and passing additional subjects outside their curriculum is beneficial. Some of them assume it is more vital to pay our fullyfull attention to one area. This essay will examine both perspectives, and explain why I believe learning extra subjects can be helpful.
To begin with, some students argue that they should dedicate their wholeentire time and focus only on their main major. One of the main reason regard to reasons regardingthis belief is that instead of spending a significant amount of time to studying irrelaventirrelevant lessons, it is better to concentrate only on one area. Consequently, they will become more expert onin their own field. Furthermore, many believe studingstudying other subjects, such as the history of their nation, is pointless, as they it is not practical. Instead, students can spend their time to research researchingand gaingaining more and more knowledge onin their field.OneOn the other hand, a number of students think it can be really beneficial, since learning new and different concepts not only broadenbroadens their horizenshorizons but expandexpands their knowledge about various phenomenonsphenomena. For example, if people who are majoring in computer science take some courses relevant to medical science, they can pursue their education in interdisciplineryinterdisciplinary areas, such as medical engineering, and even have better occupationoccupational prospects.
In conclusion, while many students believe learning extra subjects is not effective because they are pointless and becoming more expert in one area is more important, others, includedincluding myself, think this can introduce us to other worlds of science.
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Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether university students should focus solely on their main subjects or explore additional subjects.
The writer provides a clear opinion, stating that learning extra subjects can be beneficial.
The essay could benefit from more specific examples or evidence to support the arguments presented, particularly in the paragraph supporting the idea of focusing solely on the main subject.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint, and a conclusion.
Transition words and phrases such as "To begin with," "Furthermore," and "On the other hand" are used to guide the reader through the arguments, but some transitions could be smoother.
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the writer's opinion.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with some attempts at using more advanced words like "interdisciplinary" and "phenomenons."
There are some spelling errors and incorrect word forms, such as "irrelavent" (irrelevant), "horizens" (horizons), and "phenomenons" (phenomena).
The essay could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the arguments and make the writing more engaging.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, which is good for demonstrating grammatical range.
There are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("they it is not practical"), incorrect prepositions ("pay our fully attention"), and missing articles ("One of the main reason regard to this belief").
Improving grammatical accuracy would enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay.
Suggestions for Improvement
Provide Specific Examples: Include more specific examples or evidence to support the arguments, particularly for the viewpoint that students should focus solely on their main subject.
Enhance Vocabulary: Work on expanding the range of vocabulary and correcting spelling errors to improve lexical resource.
Improve Grammar: Pay attention to grammatical accuracy, especially with subject-verb agreement, prepositions, and article usage.
Smooth Transitions: Ensure that transitions between ideas and paragraphs are smooth to improve the overall flow of the essay.
By addressing these areas, the essay can be more compelling and meet the IELTS writing criteria more effectively.