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Question: Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subj...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Many university students have an opposing view on whether learning and passing additional subjects outside their curriculum is beneficial. Some of them assume it is more vital to pay our fullyfull attention to one area. This essay will examine both perspectives, and explain why I believe learning extra subjects can be helpful. To begin with, some students argue that they should dedicate their wholeentire time and focus only on their main major. One of the main reason regard to reasons regarding this belief is that instead of spending a significant amount of time to studying irrelaventirrelevant lessons, it is better to concentrate only on one area. Consequently, they will become more expert onin their own field. Furthermore, many believe studingstudying other subjects, such as the history of their nation, is pointless, as they it is not practical. Instead, students can spend their time to research researching and gaingaining more and more knowledge onin their field. OneOn the other hand, a number of students think it can be really beneficial, since learning new and different concepts not only broadenbroadens their horizenshorizons but expandexpands their knowledge about various phenomenonsphenomena. For example, if people who are majoring in computer science take some courses relevant to medical science, they can pursue their education in interdisciplineryinterdisciplinary areas, such as medical engineering, and even have better occupationoccupational prospects. In conclusion, while many students believe learning extra subjects is not effective because they are pointless and becoming more expert in one area is more important, others, includedincluding myself, think this can introduce us to other worlds of science.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Many university students have an opposing view on whether learning and passing additional subjects outside their curriculum is beneficial. Some of them assume it is more vital to pay our fully attention to one area. This essay will examine both perspectives, and explain why I believe learning extra subjects can be helpful.
Many university students hold opposing views on whether learning and passing additional subjects outside their curriculum is beneficial. Some believe it is more vital to focus entirely on one area of study. This essay will examine both perspectives and explain why I believe that learning extra subjects can be advantageous.
To begin with, some students argue that they should dedicate their whole time and focus only on their main major. One of the main reason regard to this belief is that instead of spending a significant amount of time to studying irrelavent lessons, it is better to concentrate only on one area. Consequently, they will become more expert on their own field. Furthermore, many believe studing other subjects, such as the history of their nation, is pointless, as they it is not practical. Instead, students can spend their time to research and gain more and more knowledge on their field.
To begin with, some students argue that they should dedicate their entire time and focus solely on their major. One of the main reasons for this belief is that instead of spending a significant amount of time studying irrelevant subjects, it is better to concentrate on one area. Consequently, they will become more proficient in their field. Furthermore, many believe that studying other subjects, such as the history of their nation, is pointless, as it may not have practical applications. Instead, students can invest their time in research and deepen their knowledge in their specific discipline.
One the other hand, a number of students think it can be really beneficial, since learning new and different concepts not only broaden their horizens but expand their knowledge about various phenomenons. For example, if people who are majoring computer science take some courses relevant to medical science, they can pursue their education in interdisciplinery areas, such as medical engineering, and even have better occupation prospects.
On the other hand, a number of students think that learning new and diverse concepts can be highly beneficial, as it not only broadens their horizons but also expands their understanding of various phenomena. For example, if students majoring in computer science take courses related to medical science, they can pursue education in interdisciplinary areas, such as medical engineering, which may lead to better career prospects.
In conclusion, while many students believe learning extra subjects is not effective because they are pointless and becoming more expert in one area is more important, others, included myself, think this can introduce us other worlds of science.
In conclusion, while many students believe that learning extra subjects is ineffective because they are irrelevant and that becoming an expert in one area is more important, others, including myself, think that this approach can introduce us to new realms of knowledge and science.
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Overall Band Score
6.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
average
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether university students should focus solely on their main subjects or explore additional subjects.
  • The writer provides a clear opinion, stating that learning extra subjects can be beneficial.
  • The essay could benefit from more specific examples or evidence to support the arguments presented, particularly in the paragraph supporting the idea of focusing solely on the main subject.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint, and a conclusion.
  • Transition words and phrases such as "To begin with," "Furthermore," and "On the other hand" are used to guide the reader through the arguments, but some transitions could be smoother.
  • The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the writer's opinion.

Lexical Resource

  • The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with some attempts at using more advanced words like "interdisciplinary" and "phenomenons."
  • There are some spelling errors and incorrect word forms, such as "irrelavent" (irrelevant), "horizens" (horizons), and "phenomenons" (phenomena).
  • The essay could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the arguments and make the writing more engaging.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, which is good for demonstrating grammatical range.
  • There are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("they it is not practical"), incorrect prepositions ("pay our fully attention"), and missing articles ("One of the main reason regard to this belief").
  • Improving grammatical accuracy would enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Provide Specific Examples: Include more specific examples or evidence to support the arguments, particularly for the viewpoint that students should focus solely on their main subject.
  2. Enhance Vocabulary: Work on expanding the range of vocabulary and correcting spelling errors to improve lexical resource.
  3. Improve Grammar: Pay attention to grammatical accuracy, especially with subject-verb agreement, prepositions, and article usage.
  4. Smooth Transitions: Ensure that transitions between ideas and paragraphs are smooth to improve the overall flow of the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can be more compelling and meet the IELTS writing criteria more effectively.