Question: Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required ...
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While some people are advocateadvocates of working experts and professionals in the country thatwhere they were educated, others hold an opposite point of view and believe these experts should be free to work anywhere they prefer. In my opinion, these talented individuals should stay in their own country. This essay will discuss both perspectives and provide a conclusion.On the one hand, forcing professionals to work in their own country is in contrast ofto human rights and freedom. There is no doubt that everyone has the right to choose where to work. These experts have been educated for several years, and after some difficult years, they may prefer to work anywhere else except their onown country. I think their decision should be accepted by authorities, and,provide proper facilities should be provided to encourage them to stay and work in their mother-landhomeland. In this way, not only will the acknowledgment of authorities will be shown, but also experts' freedom would be preserved.On the other hand, professionals should consider some factors in this termregard. Firstly, their country may probably subsidisehave subsidised them in many ways, and now it is their turn to compensate in different ways. For instance, physicianphysicians can attempt to help people in developing parts of the country by curing poor individuals. Secondly, they should remember that by moving to foreign countries, their onown country may face economic instability and other financial problems due to the absence of a productive workforce, and, foreign labour force might seem essential in this case.In conclusion, I think if experts leave their own country, the country may face differentvarious problems. So, it would be better for them to stay and work in their mother landhomeland.
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Feedback on Your Essay
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument and presents a clear opinion, which is good. However, some points could be developed further for better clarity and depth.
The introduction is clear but could be more engaging. The thesis statement ("In my opinion, these talented individuals should stay in their own country") is straightforward, but the reasoning could be expanded.
Some arguments lack strong supporting evidence. For example, the claim that professionals should stay because their country subsidized them needs more explanation (e.g., tax-funded education, government scholarships).
The conclusion is present but somewhat repetitive. Try to summarize key points more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" are used correctly, but some sentences feel abrupt.
The second paragraph jumps between arguments (human rights vs. government encouragement) without clear connections.
Some sentences are overly long and could be split for better readability (e.g., "These experts have been educated for several years and after some difficult years they may prefer to work anywhere else except their own country").
Lexical Resource
There are some minor spelling and word choice errors:
"advocate of working experts" → "advocates for requiring professionals"
"their on country" → "their own country" (repeated error)
"acknowledgment of authorities" → "recognition from authorities"
Some phrases are awkward or unclear:
"compensate in different ways" → "give back to their country"
"foreign labour force might seem essential" → "the country may need to rely on foreign workers"
Try to use more precise vocabulary (e.g., "brain drain" instead of "absence of productive workforce").
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are several grammatical errors:
"While some people are advocate of working experts" → "While some people advocate requiring professionals"
"their decision should be accepted by authorities and, provide proper facilities" → "their decision should be respected, but authorities should provide incentives"
"if experts leave their own country , the country may face different problems" → "If professionals emigrate, their home country may suffer economic and social consequences."
Work on subject-verb agreement and article usage (e.g., "the acknowledgment of authorities" → "the recognition from the authorities").
Suggestions for Improvement
Expand arguments with examples (e.g., how brain drain affects developing nations, incentives used by countries to retain professionals).
Improve sentence structure by varying length and using more complex grammar (e.g., conditionals, relative clauses).
Proofread carefully to avoid spelling and grammar mistakes.
Use more cohesive devices (e.g., "Furthermore," "Conversely," "As a result") to improve flow.
Overall, your essay presents a balanced discussion, but refining clarity, grammar, and supporting details will strengthen it. Keep practicing!