Question: In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people.
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In today’s world, ownership of a home rather than renting it is becoming a top concern. ThreeThere are some reasons for this issue. Some believe every one everyoneshould buy a house, while others argue it has numerous drawbacks. This essay will explain the roots before giving my opinion.
It is argued that people who own a house can save more money in camparsioncomparison to individuals who rent a house. Furthermore, they can allocate their money to other things such as self-improvement or traveling to different cities. For instance, a survey in Iran showed people who hashave a house travel to foriegenforeign countries 40% more; therefore, elderly people encourage their children to buy their own house. In addition, people who own a house doesdo not experience stress for replacingfrom moving to another place. However, those who rent a house are always looking for new houses for replacingto move to.
In my opinion, it is a beneficial situation for individuals as they can experience a better quality of walfarewelfare during their lives. Moreover, this attitude causecauses a better economy by activingactivating people ofin a country since the more people tend to own a home, the more the construction situation improveindustry improves. For example, economythe economic situation fosterdimproved in Turkey as the rate of construction surged and more people became involved in the construction system.
To sum up, having a home can be considerdconsidered as an investigationinvestment and people can save more money during their lives. I wholeheartedly agree with this view point viewpointand I think it is a favorable situation because not only does it enhance the quality of life but also improveimproves the economy.
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Feedback on the Essay:
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing reasons why homeownership is important and presents an opinion on whether it is positive or negative. However, the response could be clearer in distinguishing between the reasons for homeownership and the evaluation of its impact.
Some points are underdeveloped or lack strong supporting evidence. For example, the claim that homeowners travel more is not convincingly explained or linked to the main argument.
The conclusion restates the opinion but does not summarize the key points effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure (introduction, body paragraphs, conclusion), but the flow between ideas is sometimes unclear.
Some sentences are awkwardly phrased, making it difficult to follow the argument (e.g., "Three are some reasons for this issue").
Transition words are used, but they could be more precise (e.g., "Furthermore", "In addition"). The connection between ideas needs strengthening.
Lexical Resource
There are several spelling and word choice errors ("camparsion" instead of "comparison", "foriegen" instead of "foreign", "walfare" instead of "welfare").
Some phrases are unnatural ("roots before giving my opinion", "an investigation" instead of "an investment").
Vocabulary is somewhat repetitive (e.g., "people who own a house" is used multiple times). More varied and precise word choices would improve clarity.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are frequent grammatical errors:
Subject-verb agreement issues ("people who has a house" → "people who have a house").
Incorrect verb forms ("does not experience" → "do not experience").
Missing articles ("a better quality of walfare" → "a better quality of welfare").
Awkward phrasing ("this attitude cause a better economy by activing people" → "this attitude improves the economy by engaging people").
Sentence structure is often unclear or incorrect, affecting readability.
Suggestions for Improvement
Clarify the argument – Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with relevant examples.
Improve grammar and vocabulary – Review subject-verb agreement, word forms, and spelling. Use a dictionary or grammar checker.
Enhance coherence – Use more precise transitions and rephrase awkward sentences for better flow.
Provide stronger examples – Use more convincing data or real-world cases to support claims.
Overall, the essay has potential but needs refinement in clarity, grammar, and supporting details.