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Question: In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging...

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While some individuals argue that governments face several challenges by growingdue to the growing population of the elderly, others believe that oldolder people are beneficial members of societiessociety. I am utterly convinced that making up comprising the largest proportion of society, by older members can impose financial pressures on governments associated with providing appropriate healthcare services, meanwhilewhile they have no economic productivity. However, oldolder people can be considered as a source of experience with exemplified accountability. Life lessons can be like a light to navigateguide people to the right path. By experiencing different situations during life, individuals become skilled to manageat managing similar ones properly. The veteran elderly not only regard difficulties as opportunities to develop for personal growth but also conductguide younger generations to learn how to mitigate their challenges successfully. In various companies across the world, for instance, some retirees are often are retained to train young employees, as well as consult employers to improve their strategies in terms of production or marketing based on their practical experiences, which are acquired during their workworking life. Moreover, oldolder people are more serious to do about their responsibilities. They always search for a suitable environment and avoid any thrills and curiosities to concentrate on their tasks effectively. The productivity Productivity and thriving outputs can be achieved if people have an organized mindset without any distractions. By this approach, the failures happenthat occur due to some innate deterrents, such as adventurous characteristics or irresponsibility of younger members of society, can be reduced. On the other hand, the health condition of older people should be monitored regularly. ByThrough the aging process, human beings become more vulnerable to face health problems. Heart diseases, hypertension,hypertension and diabetes are common health problems that the elderly are more likely undergoto experience. As a result, governments should provide high-quality medical services for them to prevent these conditions and cure oldtreat older patients appropriately. All these exercises needmeasures require allocating a considerable financial budget. In addition, a significant percentage of oldolder individuals are unable to work and make a living. As they have losenlost their physical abilities, they receive pensions from governments despite retirement and not producing any financial benefits for societiessociety. This can result in additional economic strains toon the government. Nevertheless, while societies can benefit from older people through passing down worthwhile experiences to younger generations and firm commitments to their duties, governments may remarkably confront financial problems to providein providing proper facilities for their wellbeing. In conclusion, based on the mentioned reasons, I believe that providing healthcare services and adequate salaries for oldolder individuals compelimposes heavy financial loadsburdens on governments, which are more considerable compared to their valuable experiences and responsibilities.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
While some individuals argue that governments face several challenges by growing the population of the elderly, others believe that old people are beneficial members of societies. I am utterly convinced that making up the largest proportion of society by older members can impose financial pressures on governments associated with providing appropriate healthcare services, meanwhile they have no economic productivity. However, old people can be considered as a source of experience with exemplified accountability.
While some individuals argue that governments face several challenges due to the growing population of the elderly, others believe that older people are beneficial members of society. I am firmly convinced that having a large proportion of older members in society can impose financial pressures on governments associated with providing appropriate healthcare services, especially since they often lack economic productivity. However, older individuals can also be seen as a source of experience and accountability.
Life lessons can be like a light to navigate people to the right path. By experiencing different situations during life, individuals become skilled to manage similar ones properly. The veteran elderly not only regard difficulties as opportunities to develop personal growth but also conduct younger generations to learn how to mitigate their challenges successfully. In various companies across the world, for instance, some retirees often are retained to train young employees, as well as consult employers to improve their strategies in terms of production or marketing based on their practical experiences, which are acquired during their work life. Moreover, old people are more serious to do their responsibilities. They always search for suitable environment and avoid any thrills and curiosities to concentrate on their tasks effectively. The productivity and thriving outputs can be achieved if people have organized mindset without any distractions. By this approach, the failures happen due to some innate deterrents, such as adventurous characteristics or irresponsibility of younger members of society can be reduced.
Life lessons can serve as a guiding light, helping people navigate the right path. Through their varied experiences, individuals become adept at managing similar situations effectively. Elderly individuals not only view difficulties as opportunities for personal growth but also guide younger generations in learning how to successfully overcome their challenges. For instance, in various companies around the world, some retirees are retained to train young employees and consult employers on improving their strategies in production or marketing, drawing from their practical experiences acquired during their working lives. Moreover, older individuals tend to take their responsibilities seriously. They seek suitable environments and avoid distractions to concentrate effectively on their tasks. Productivity and successful outcomes can be achieved when individuals maintain an organized mindset free from distractions. This approach can help mitigate failures that may arise from innate deterrents, such as the adventurous characteristics or irresponsibility of younger members of society.
On the other hand, the health condition of older people should be monitored regularly. By aging process, human beings become more vulnerable to face health problems. Heart diseases ,hypertension and diabetes are common health problems that the elderly more likely undergo. As a result, governments should provide high-quality medical services for them to prevent these conditions and cure old patients appropriately. All these exercises need allocating a considerable financial budget. In addition, a significant percentage of old individuals are unable to work and make a living. As they have losen their physical abilities, they receive pensions from governments despite retirement and not producing any financial benefits for societies. This can result in additional economic strains to government. Nevertheless, societies can benefit from older people through passing down worthwhile experiences to younger generations and firm commitments to their duties, governments may remarkably confront financial problems to provide proper facilities for their wellbeing.
On the other hand, the health conditions of older individuals should be monitored regularly. As people age, they become more vulnerable to health problems. Conditions such as heart disease, hypertension, and diabetes are common among the elderly. Consequently, governments must provide high-quality medical services to prevent these conditions and adequately care for older patients. These services require a considerable financial budget. Additionally, a significant percentage of older individuals are unable to work and support themselves. As they lose their physical abilities, they rely on pensions from the government, despite not contributing financially to society. This situation can result in additional economic strain on the government. Nevertheless, while societies can benefit from the valuable experiences and firm commitments of older individuals, governments may still face significant financial challenges in providing proper facilities for their well-being.
In conclusion, based on the mentioned reasons, I believe that providing healthcare services and adequate salaries for old individuals compel heavy financial loads on governments, which are more considerable compared to their valuable experiences and responsibilities.
In conclusion, based on the reasons mentioned, I believe that the financial burden of providing healthcare services and adequate pensions for older individuals is substantial and outweighs the benefits of their valuable experiences and responsibilities.
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Overall Band Score
6.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
strong
Linking Words
average
Spelling
strong
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of an aging population. It provides a clear stance that the disadvantages, particularly the financial pressures on governments, outweigh the advantages.
  • Ideas and Examples: The essay presents relevant ideas and examples, such as the role of elderly people in mentoring younger generations and the financial burden of healthcare. However, the examples could be more specific and varied to strengthen the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument.
  • Cohesion: Transition words and phrases are used effectively to connect ideas (e.g., "On the other hand," "Moreover," "As a result"). However, some sentences could be more smoothly connected to enhance the flow of the essay.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, such as "financial pressures," "economic productivity," "veteran elderly," and "innate deterrents." However, there are some minor errors in word choice and usage (e.g., "losen" should be "lost").
  • Precision and Variety: While the vocabulary is varied, some phrases could be more precise. For example, "making up the largest proportion of society by older members" could be rephrased for clarity.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. This demonstrates a good command of grammatical range.
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are a few grammatical errors, such as "the aging process" instead of "by aging process," and punctuation issues like missing commas. These errors do not significantly impede understanding but should be addressed for greater accuracy.

Overall Impression

The essay effectively discusses the topic and presents a clear argument. It is well-structured and uses a range of vocabulary and sentence structures. To improve, the essay could benefit from more specific examples, smoother transitions, and careful proofreading to correct minor grammatical and lexical errors.