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Question: Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you t...

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In recent times, many children spend a considerable amount of time on their electronic gadgets, particularly on their phones. There isare numerous factors that contribute to this trend. This essay will examine some of the reasons behind it and explain why I believe it is a negative development. To begin with, there are a number of reasons for this widespread trend. Firstly, there is not another significant entertaining activity for kids. While in the past children used to play various creative games with together, because of the modern lifestyle, children do not have the opportunity to spend their time with their peers. In addition, as parents have hectic schedules and they are occupied with their jobs, they cannot dedicate some hours in order to have fun with their children. For example, a few decades ago, the mother of the family often used to be houswifea housewife. As a result, she would be able to spend a large amount of time with her kids, which is not true in this modern era. Although this trend is increasing and a large number of children have become obsessed with it, I think it is a catastrophic phenomenon. First and formostforemost, it can leadslead to detrimental health issues, which could be not only physical illness but also mental problems. Watching the screen for long hours can cause severe and irrepatable damagesirreparable damage to the eyes. Not only that, if kids explore social media such as Tik Tok TikTok or playingplay violent and harsh video games constantly, they might suffer from a lack of concentration. MoroverMoreover, this trend leads to a sedentary lifestyle. In conclusion, a vast majority of children tend to spend many hours on their phonephones and social media. There are reasons behind this interest such as the lack of interesting entertainmentsentertainment. In my opinion, this has many drawbacks, including mental and physical problems.
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Overall Band Score
6
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
average
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Task Achievement

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the reasons why children spend hours on their smartphones and the writer's opinion on whether this is a positive or negative development. The response provides a clear stance, identifying the trend as negative and supporting this view with relevant reasons. However, the essay could benefit from more specific examples or evidence to strengthen the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The use of linking words and phrases such as "To begin with," "Firstly," "In addition," and "In conclusion" helps to guide the reader through the argument. However, some transitions could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the reasons for the trend and the negative impacts could be more clearly delineated.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used in the essay is appropriate and varied, with some good use of terms like "catastrophic phenomenon," "detrimental health issues," and "sedentary lifestyle." However, there are a few instances of awkward phrasing or incorrect word choice, such as "numerous factors" instead of "a number of factors" and "irrepatable damages" instead of "irreparable damage." More precise language could enhance the clarity and impact of the argument.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, "there is numerous factors" should be "there are numerous factors," and "it can leads to" should be "it can lead to." Additionally, some sentences are overly complex or awkwardly constructed, which can obscure the intended meaning. Simplifying sentence structures and ensuring subject-verb agreement would improve readability.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Provide Specific Examples: Incorporate specific examples or evidence to support the reasons and impacts discussed. This could include statistics, studies, or anecdotal evidence.

  2. Improve Transitions: Ensure smoother transitions between ideas, particularly when moving from discussing reasons to discussing impacts.

  3. Enhance Vocabulary Precision: Use more precise vocabulary and correct any awkward phrasing or incorrect word choices.

  4. Address Grammatical Errors: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb forms, and sentence structure to improve grammatical accuracy.

  5. Expand on Ideas: Consider expanding on the reasons and impacts discussed to provide a more comprehensive analysis.