Question: Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory j...
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It is argued that some people prefer to remain content with circumstances in undesirable situations, while others make efforts to change the existing situation. In my opinion, doing your best even in challengeschallenging circumstances will lessen the distance to your goal.Some people don’t strive to overcome challenges because they believe in fate. They contend that trying to improve life means fighting withagainst fate. These people tolerate a permanently unfavorable, job, partner, or even government for many years due to the belief that fate doesn’t change. Moreover, some people obeyaccept the present circumstances because of fear. For example, some workers are dissatisfied with their job salary, but they will never explain it to their employers to preventavoid being fired. As a result, workers remain dissatisfied because they don’t take measuressteps to change their situation.On the contrary, those on the other side of the argument say opportunities are hidden in hardships. Only people who can considersee these challenges as opportunities will be successful. We have seen many people in history who overcame hardships and accomplishedachieved their mission. For example, a great Persian poet called Ferdowsi wrote a poem inover 30 years. He spent a lot of money and time on writing f to complete Shahnameh, and he also mentions in his poem that he's lost most of his wealth in this way. Ferdowsi went through facedmany challenges, but now we can see one of the most valuable Persian masterpieces.In conclusion, considering both views on whether staying unchanged is effective or making an effort, I believe that hardships test individuals' capabilitycapabilities and determination. So, incapable people will stayremain unchanged and be influenced by fate and fear.
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Feedback on Your Essay
Task Achievement:
Your essay addresses both views and presents a clear opinion, fulfilling the task requirements.
The examples provided (workers tolerating unsatisfactory jobs and Ferdowsi’s perseverance) are relevant and help support your arguments.
However, the introduction could be more precise in outlining the two views before stating your opinion.
The conclusion is clear but could be more balanced by summarizing both perspectives before reinforcing your stance.
Coherence and Cohesion:
The essay is logically structured, with distinct paragraphs for each viewpoint and your opinion.
Some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing "fate" to "fear" in the first body paragraph feels abrupt.
The conclusion effectively restates your position but could better link back to the discussion of both views.
Lexical Resource:
You use a range of vocabulary (e.g., "tolerate," "overcame hardships," "accomplished their mission"), which is appropriate for the topic.
Some phrasing is awkward or unclear (e.g., "writing f to complete Shahnameh" – likely a typo).
Avoid informal expressions like "doing your best" in favor of more formal alternatives (e.g., "striving for improvement").
Grammatical Range and Accuracy:
There are several grammatical errors, such as:
"doing your best even in challenges will lessen the distance to your goal" (awkward phrasing; better: "striving to overcome challenges brings one closer to success").
"He spent a lot of money and time on writing f to complete Shahnameh" (unclear phrasing).
"So, incapable people will stay unchanged and be influenced by fate and fear" (simplistic and unclear; better: "Thus, those who lack determination may resign themselves to fate and fear").
Work on subject-verb agreement and article usage (e.g., "a permanently unfavorable, job" should be "a permanently unfavorable job").
Suggestions for Improvement:
Clarify your introduction by briefly summarizing both views before stating your opinion.
Improve transitions between ideas to enhance flow.
Proofread carefully to eliminate grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.
Expand on your examples (e.g., explain why Ferdowsi’s story supports the argument more explicitly).
Use more formal and precise language where appropriate.
Overall, your essay presents a coherent argument but would benefit from refinement in grammar, clarity, and depth of analysis. Keep practicing!