Question: Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which cause many h...

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It is true that many food manufacturers produce food and drinks with huge amounts of sugar. This trend can result in several detrimental health issues. Some people argue that in order to decreasereduce sugar consumption, these products should be sold at higher prices. I strongly disagree with this approach, and in this essay, I will discuss some of the reasons behind my perspective. To begin with, in order to encourage individuals to consume less sugar, many measures can be donetaken, such as increaseincreasing the prices of sugary products. I believe it is not only an extreme measuremmeasure, but also ana pointless strategy, as it does not necessarily prevent people from purchasing these snacks. To illustrate, humans inherently do not like to be forced to do or not do not certain actions. They would rather they, themselves, choose to avoid eating harmful food. In other words, by making these goods more expensive, people will lose their right to choose. Furthermore, they might even tend to consume more harmful food as thean alternative, such as exessiveexcessive drinking of alcohol. In addition, some other approaches, such as boosting social awareness, could be more effective. While the previous method can obligate people not to consume certain ingredients, decent advertising aim toaimed at awareness, is much more acceptable byto people. For example, if well-known celebrities, , such as the influencers on InastagramInstagram, promotespromote healthy dietdiets and avoid eating processed food, a vast majority of people, particularly adolescents, tend to cut manufactured food and drink from their diet. In conclusion, although many consider increaseincreasing the prices of sugary food a good idea to decreasreduce the number of its consumers, I think the given method is not effective since people should have the right to choose. AdditionalyAdditionally, there are many other impactful strategies, such as promoting healthy eating healthy through commercials.
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Overall Band Score
6
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on the Essay:

Task Achievement:
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position (disagreement with increasing prices of sugary products). The writer provides reasons and examples to support their viewpoint, which is good. However, some arguments could be more developed. For instance, the claim that people might turn to alcohol as an alternative is not fully explained or supported with evidence. The conclusion restates the position but could summarize the main points more effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion:
The essay is logically structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are some issues with transitions between ideas. For example, the shift from discussing the ineffectiveness of price increases to suggesting awareness campaigns feels abrupt. Using linking phrases like "On the other hand" or "Alternatively" could improve flow. Additionally, some sentences are awkwardly phrased, which disrupts coherence (e.g., "They would rather they, themselves, choose to avoid eating harmful food").

Lexical Resource:
The vocabulary is generally appropriate, but there are some inaccuracies and awkward word choices (e.g., "extreme measurem" should be "extreme measure," "pointless strategy" is repetitive with "not effective"). The phrase "decent advertising aim to awareness" is unclear and should be rephrased (e.g., "educational campaigns aimed at raising awareness"). More precise and varied vocabulary would strengthen the essay.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy:
There are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement ("many measures can be done" should be "many measures can be taken"), incorrect word forms ("increase the prices" should be "increasing the prices"), and missing articles ("an pointless strategy" should be "a pointless strategy"). Some sentences are also overly complex or unclear (e.g., "humans inherently do not like to be forced to do or do not certain actions"). Proofreading for grammar and sentence structure would improve clarity.

Suggestions for Improvement:

  1. Develop Arguments Further: Provide more detailed explanations or evidence for claims (e.g., why price increases might lead to alcohol consumption).
  2. Improve Transitions: Use linking words to connect ideas more smoothly.
  3. Refine Vocabulary: Replace vague or incorrect words with more precise terms.
  4. Correct Grammar: Review subject-verb agreement, articles, and sentence structure.
  5. Clarify Sentences: Simplify or rephrase awkward constructions for better readability.

Overall, the essay presents a clear stance and some good ideas, but refining language and structure would enhance its effectiveness.