Question: It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their perso...
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Taking risks has become a debate among people, and it is said that risk-taking is important both in our professions and private lives. Although this can have benefits like opening new doors in individual lives, in my opinion, the disadvantages such as, financial causesissues and health problems far outweigh the advantages.
The most important advantage of taking risks is that it broadens our horizenshorizons. That is to say, people gain experience by tryigtrying new things like travelling to a country that they have never been to. Visiting new regions gives us the opportunity to meet new people, becomingbecome familiar with their cultures, and generally changeschange our mindsets about life by learning to look at life infrom their perspective. For example, Americans will learn a lot about easternEastern culture by visiting historical palaces in Japan and talking to its people.
On the other hand, general health causesissues can be an issue while taking risks. Some risks might involve a significant amount of hazards for our well-being. Such activities that people do to show others that they are a risktaker risk-takersmight cost a lifelong regret for them. For instance, some riskfulrisky activities like diving from a high cliff into the ocean may lead to breaking an arm or a leg and even causingcause death atin severe cases.
Moreover, tasks that are considered as beingto be full of risks probably contain potential financial issuesproblems. From a professional aspect, changing or quitting jobs have theirhas its own risks such as not finding a better job for a long time. Being unemployed means that people have to use their savings in order to survive because they do not earn money any moreanymore. The risk of pursuing a better job that some people take might put thethem under pressure financially, and they will struggle for payingto pay bills or rent payments.
In conclusion, while taking risks has its own advantages like giving us a new perspective, I believe that the drawbacks are more considerablesignificant.
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Task Achievement
Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks in professional and personal lives. However, the conclusion could be more explicitly linked to the question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Position: Your position is clear, stating that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. However, it would be beneficial to reinforce this stance in the conclusion by summarizing the key points that support your view.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organization: The essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs that separate the advantages and disadvantages. Each paragraph has a clear main idea.
Cohesion: Use of cohesive devices is generally effective, but there are some areas where transitions could be smoother. For example, the transition between discussing health risks and financial risks could be more fluid.
Referencing: Pronouns and referencing are used correctly, but there could be more varied linking words to enhance the flow of ideas.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary: The vocabulary is appropriate for the task, with some good examples like "broadens our horizons" and "lifelong regret." However, there are some spelling errors such as "horizens" (should be "horizons") and "tryig" (should be "trying").
Range: There is a reasonable range of vocabulary, but further variety could enhance the essay. Consider using synonyms or more complex expressions to avoid repetition.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence Structure: The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, which is good. However, there are some grammatical errors that need attention, such as "riskful" (should be "risky") and "the under pressure" (should be "them under pressure").
Punctuation and Spelling: Pay attention to punctuation, especially in complex sentences, to ensure clarity. Also, ensure all words are spelled correctly to maintain professionalism.
Suggestions for Improvement
Conclusion: Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the main points and clearly stating why the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
Transitions: Work on smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas to improve the overall flow of the essay.
Proofreading: Carefully proofread your work to catch spelling and grammatical errors.
Vocabulary: Expand your lexical range by incorporating more varied and sophisticated vocabulary.
Overall, the essay presents a clear argument with relevant examples, but it could benefit from improved coherence and accuracy in language use.